January 12, 2007

Ok, so yesterday wasn't all fun....

Well, I have to admit that I hardly ever get shocked by strangers anymore, but the couple, actually just the wife, that I met yesterday at the RE's office took the cake!!

Let me start off by saying that Infertility is painful, and I never wish the pain that I have endured over the last almost 15 years on ANYONE. I don't think that there is anyway to even separate infertility into categories such as Primary IF (having not had, or having had trouble conceiving your first), or Secondary IF (having trouble conceiving subsequent children either with or without having trouble with the first). I do however feel that women who have had miscarriages after getting pregnant carry a pain altogether different. So on that note, I suffer from "Primary Infertility", I have never been pregnant. I have never been on birth control other then to start IVF, and we have never taken measures to prevent a pregnancy. I have been to so many different docs, and even had Gastric Bypass to try to "cure" my PCOS. Clark was in the Navy for 9 years, and I dealt with the military insurance machine while trying the whole time he was in to get pregnant. The military insurance arena is not a place in my opinion in to try to achieve pregnancy when you are infertile, they really run you through the hoops, and basically pay for next to nothing, they also don't as a rule provide much in the way of coverage should you not want or be able to see one of their active duty RE's. There just really isn't much of an emphasis or interest placed on women who have infertility issues, period.

So, when Clark got out of the Navy and got a civil service job, it came with almost the same crappy coverage that we had in the military. Out of 21 companies to choose from there was one who offered IF benefits, and we jumped on them. They were cheaper and covered more then most of the others to. It took me almost 2 1/2 years just to qualify for a referral to an RE with CrappyInsuranceCompany, and I have battled with them over quite a few things in the year since I got my referral. My insurance covers IF 50%, that includes meds by a tiered scale of payment. You get 6 IUI's, and 3 IVF's per live birth, with a lifetime cap of $100,000. With all that being said, I consider myself very lucky to have insurance that covers any IF at all, because that is not the rule with most companies. I feel that after fighting for as long as I have, I deserve to take advantage of something that is offered to me. I have the money for IVF, but only with the insurance. As Clark so sweetly told me yesterday, "If I had had to pay for those meds or any of this full price, you would be getting another puppy instead of doing IVF!!!", and he fully meant it. Neither one of us is willing to go into debt trying to have a child. So with all of the above being said, I return you to my issue.....

I saw this couple enter the office yesterday, and after they signed in they came and sat right near me. Something about them screamed RedNeck, and when her DH got up to use the men's room, I saw from his shirt that they were indeed from my local area. I got up to talk to the business office lady while he was being directed to the restrooms, and got a little chuckle when he got the snot shocked out of him by touching the doorknob, he laughed to. He had returned to his seat before I got done with my paperwork, and when I walked back over and sat down, I smiled and asked him if he had planned on having to get electroshock therapy while he was there today. They both laughed, and I mentioned that I had seen they were from near me. We started chatting, and after a few minutes she asked me if the woman that I had been talking to was the girl from the business office. I told her yeah, that she had needed a copy of my pre-approval letter from the ins. company. I literally watched as this woman, who only moments before was smiling at me, got the most nasty look on her face, and she hissed at me "Well, it must be really nice to have insurance that covers this crap." To which I replied "Actually yes it is." At that very moment the nurse called me back, and I got my things and went back to the inner waiting area.

What the hell was that all about?? The whole thing bothered me for the rest of the day. I mean come on now, I know I am lucky to have the coverage, but why in the hell does that have to be a bone of contention or a strike against me as a person?? I have never gotten nasty with someone just because of something so petty. I get it that IVF is very costly, but I haven't walked through this financially unscathed, I had to pay $1700.00 out of pocket for a Lap just because it was done by my RE, and not a GYN, not to mention the TIME that it took me to get to this place. I guess I just don't see how one person could have so much anger towards me without even knowing what I have been through to be sitting in that waiting room with them. Is her pain worse then mine because she has to pay more then me? Drive farther then me? Is is about how much it takes to get there, how you get there or why your there?? Not in my eyes, because we are all "sisters" if we are there at all, and the anger that I felt from one of my "sisters" yesterday really hurt me. As much as I have been through I would never be angry over money. I have friends in the IF world who have mortgaged everything they own to pay for treatments, and have no baby to show for it in the end. For them I have so much anger and sadness, but the anger is for a country who seems to refuse to force the lawmakers to require ins. co's to cover IF treatments. So, I guess that I was just very unprepared for the anger that faced me yesterday just because of the coverage I do have, and I find it so unfair.

Well, I have got to go to Bed!! Clark and Kent are going out again tomorrow for some Batteries and Bonding!! LOL Clark got Kent a new Remote Control car this week, and the batteries for it are on back order, so they are just going to drive up and get some. Ahhh time alone!!!


Kris said...

That was a rather uncalled for statement- I can see why you feel hurt. Maybe- in the name of sisterly charity and sympathy towards someone in the RE waiting room- she had just found out she had no coverage and her anger at her insurance company was misdirected at you? Or maybe she's just incredibly uncouth.

I've actually been fairly fortunate with the military insurance- I've only used civilian RE's and they've covered all diagnostic and several stim cycles (as long as we were trying au natural). But they don't pay squat for IUIs or IVFs and that does suck.

Good luck this cycle.

Baby Blues said...

Just stumbled across your blog. I agree, she may be having a bad day. Her remark wasn't meant to hurt you but to her insurance company. IF could surely be such a sensitive issue.