July 15, 2005

Been that long???

Wow I really didn't think it had been that long!!! Holy Cow!!! Well school is done. I passed. California is done. It SUCKED. Kent and I just got back from 2 weeks with my family in the midwest. It REALLY SUCKED!! Now I think I know why I am infertile.... God can't find a soul up there brave enough to take that bunch of lunatics on!! It was pretty hard on me because both of my brothers are on my shit list now, and for totally different reasons. I have mixed feelings about the words that have been exchanged, and they both really know how to totally distroy my heart. I went out mostly to spend time with my mother as she is going to have surgery soon to remove some ovarian tumors, and I think that there is a very good chance that she has cancer, but she on the other hand refuses to even admit that there is a chance that it what it is. She actually should have had surgery weeks ago, but she refuses to do it until her business slows down for the fall. I tink that she is being totally selfish, and not even really condidering what her husband and her kids are going through while she takes her sweet time going in. I mean this is the woman who harped on me EVERY single time there was a test or anything that I needed medically, and now she won't even live by the same rules. I guess I just get so totally frusterated!!

So any way, the good thing about my trip was that I got a lot closer to my step mom, and I totally realize how hard it must be for her to be in a country so far away from her family. She is from Korea, and I think she is a very amazing woman... especially since she has put up with my father for so many years. I was angry at a lot of my extended family sinece for the most part none of them would have anything to do with her. Made me pretty sick to admit that I was related to them. She even went out of her way to make a very special meal for them, and most of them wouldn't even eat it. I guess that they all just showed me why I was ok with the fact that it had been 10 years or more since I had seen most of them... and probably will be 10 or more til the next time. I also didn't much care for the way that they treated Kent... it wasn't blatent, but I saw it when they left him out, and he was sitting away from all of them, it was almost like they thought they were gonna get something and endup in a wheelchair if they got to close. SAD :o( He and I had a few close moments, some stressful ones to, but for the most part this was a better trip as far as our rlationship was concerned!! It was nice to hear him say that he loved Clark and I and that he wouldn't have the life that he has if it wasn't for us... but he was right back to the same old kid as soon as we got home, and he is already grounded!! Didn't take long.

On a side note... mostly cuz I don't want to get to excited... my step mother has decided that she is going to enlist her family in Korea to try to help us adopt a little girl. I don't know what she is up to, and how long it will take, but in the years I have been dealing with DSS I have learned to have the patients of a SAINT!! So right now I am just going to apply for a passport, and sit back and roll with the punches. We should be done with our adoption with Kent in the next month or so, that will be a weight off my shoulders. It has really been a very long time coming, so it will be very nice to have it done and over with so that we can get on with our lives!!

I have been sick since we got back from our trip... actually most of the time that I was gone to, and it just has gotten worse. so this will be it for tonight, I won't even say that I am going to try to update more, cuz that seems to be a bad idea!! I really do think that I am going to try to use this as more of an outlet to put my feelings on paper so to speak, mostly because I don't get such a mixed bag of nasty opinions in return about how I deal with things in my life!! Have a great night!!