January 10, 2007

I think I am losing it.....

I really think I am....

Husband in bed... Check
Son in bed... Check
Dogs in bed... Check
Cats... irritating the hell out of each other... Check

But do you think I can carry my ass to bed?? Hell no!!

In less then 12 hours I will once again don the paper towel, that in my RE's office constitutes coverage of the lower half, lay back, put my legs up, slide forward... slide a little further down now, and have that condom and goo covered dildo cam so politely shoved... well you know where, just to see if my ovaries are suppressed enough to begin stims!! I am sitting here freaking the hell out. My anxiety level over the last few days has been skyrocketing out of control. Every time I think of tomorrow morning, I get almost sick enough to PUKE!! I just KNOW those little shits are gonna pull something, they always do. I have been feeling the "noise" in my pelvis again the last few days, and hoping like hell that it is my bowels reacting to all the extra drugs in my system, and not those little creeps screwing around again. Man they better not mess this up!!!

I have been pretty crappy feeling the last few days, and had one hell of a migraine yesterday, never did really get rid of it all the way either... it is still there in the front of my skull pounding like a little heartbeat, and driving me NUTS.

I actually did something today that I wasn't sure I had the guts for... I went to an OB appointment with a 25 week PG friend. Yeah I know I love to torture myself!! Actually it was a 2 fold thing for me... she LOVES her OB, and I wanted to see what they were like, and if they took my ins. because hell, I just might need them soon.... LOL!! But really, they were awesome, the office was great, and HELLO they take my ins.!!!! The girl at the desk even promised me that if I did come they would put me on the IF list... I asked if that meant that we were all unstable, and demanding, and she just grinned!! I liked that!! Yeah there were bellies, and lots of them, but for some reason it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, maybe it was the mission that I was on that made it easier. The cool part is that her midwife knows my RE, and Loves her, so that was a plus for them to!! I also got to hear my friend M's babies heart beat.... God, I never get tired of hearing that!! So, all in all it was a great day.

BTW, it is National DeLurking Week, and I know that I have a few readers out there!! So, in the spirit of the week, I would love for my Lurkers to come out and ask me some questions. I won't divulge the pertinent personal info that keeps me anonymous, but I will try to answer them the best that I can!!

If you get a chance, whisper a little prayer that I will get good news tomorrow at the suppression check as I am not sure if my little heart could handle yet another cancelled cycle. I also have the inside line on a possible DSS adoption of an infant, but I am going to keep that hope at bay until I find out just what is up with that..... not holding my breath on anything when it comes to DSS!! But I will keep you updated as I know things. So Internets, I am off to try to reason with my brain over the fact that I DO NEED SOME SLEEP TONIGHT!!!! Bye!!

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