I might need to be commited....

So, Turtle has turned a corner, and other then the NASTY green snot I seem to be getting by the bucket loads from her nose, she is feeling better.

Mommy on the other hand... Not. So. Much

I seem to have gotten what she had.

If that wasn't bad enough, today is 9dp3dt and I got nothing. Not a hint of a line, not a shadow, not even a somewhat suspicious evap line. Don't buy the T*rget brand if you can help it, they suck!!

Yeah, yeah it's early, but Hope left me standing in the sunshine this morning, and hasn't been back. I think that bitch is out getting High.

To be brutally honest with you after the events that played out in California this week, I may have to say goodbye to the IVF world. I am over the fact that freaks like her, drug addicts, and sorry excuses for human beings continue to be able to procreate, while I stand here heart broken and out 7 grand every cycle. I am sorry but it makes no fucking sense to me, and I am really of the mind that it may be time for me to stop trying to get it.

I know I have a living, breathing miracle right here in my own house, and I thank the heavens every day for her. I will credit her with saving my life for the rest of it. I cannot seem to get the desire to have another one out of my heart and soul, however, and that is what is doing me in. I honestly ask myself daily, "Why??" And I got nothing... ok well I have the Turtle, and her awesomeness makes me want more awesomeness, so I guess that is "Why".

As we go along this goal is getting harder to reach, and I am beginning to wonder if there wasn't some kind of "Intervention" when we got PG with the Turtle, and that was all we were going to get. This is the One, the Only, our Chance at biological parenthood. I am just not sure if I am able or ready to accept that She is all I get.

I guess I am a Greedy Bitch.