The Beginning of the End??

Things here in the Infertile House are changing.

Not for the good either.

Clark and Kent got into a HUGE fight last night. It is Kent and his disrespect of Clark since he has begun having contact with his Birth Father that is at the root of this. He has been very hateful and even taken to name calling. Last night at the dinner table Clark had, had enough, and things erupted.

Of course this also included the Turtle having a major freak out over the fact that they were carrying on. She was inconsolable for almost 20 minutes. I ended up dealing with Kent so Clark could handle the Turtle, and as usual his excuse is that we just "Don't Understand". I know it has to be hard for him to have 2 men in his life, but that is NO reason for him to start treating Clark like shit, and I will not tolerate it. Period.

So after everyone was in bed, Clark says to me... That is why I don't want to cycle again, did you see how traumatized she was over that?

I looked him right in the face and told him that was bullshit and that I had never upset the Turtle like that ever since the day she was born.

The whole thing then turned into a huge argument about my psych meds, IVF cycles, and how I am not Marth* Fucking Stewart. I am reaching the end of my rope with all of this crap. I know I am not perfect, but damn it I try very hard to be a good wife and mother, despite my Bi-Polar, and I think I do a pretty damn good job. My house may not be spotless, but it is cozy and you can feel the love here.

So, there is a lot of anger and hurt in my heart right now, and I even told Clark to get out last night. I have just about had enough. I can't take the self abuse that I dole out much less someone else's... meaning Kent and Clark.

I am going to take a serious step back, and I am not sure that I will return here. I will let you all know what I decide, but for right now this is a place that only serves to remind me of my failures in life, and I have to walk away from the negative.

I don't know what will come for Clark and I, I will pray that we can work this out because I love him with all my heart and soul, but things have to change, I am tired of hurting like this.

Going to see the Psych today to change meds, and get on with Living. Cycling is a thing of the past. Goodbye babies.