February 19, 2009

The Beginning of the End??

Things here in the Infertile House are changing.

Not for the good either.

Clark and Kent got into a HUGE fight last night. It is Kent and his disrespect of Clark since he has begun having contact with his Birth Father that is at the root of this. He has been very hateful and even taken to name calling. Last night at the dinner table Clark had, had enough, and things erupted.

Of course this also included the Turtle having a major freak out over the fact that they were carrying on. She was inconsolable for almost 20 minutes. I ended up dealing with Kent so Clark could handle the Turtle, and as usual his excuse is that we just "Don't Understand". I know it has to be hard for him to have 2 men in his life, but that is NO reason for him to start treating Clark like shit, and I will not tolerate it. Period.

So after everyone was in bed, Clark says to me... That is why I don't want to cycle again, did you see how traumatized she was over that?

I looked him right in the face and told him that was bullshit and that I had never upset the Turtle like that ever since the day she was born.

The whole thing then turned into a huge argument about my psych meds, IVF cycles, and how I am not Marth* Fucking Stewart. I am reaching the end of my rope with all of this crap. I know I am not perfect, but damn it I try very hard to be a good wife and mother, despite my Bi-Polar, and I think I do a pretty damn good job. My house may not be spotless, but it is cozy and you can feel the love here.

So, there is a lot of anger and hurt in my heart right now, and I even told Clark to get out last night. I have just about had enough. I can't take the self abuse that I dole out much less someone else's... meaning Kent and Clark.

I am going to take a serious step back, and I am not sure that I will return here. I will let you all know what I decide, but for right now this is a place that only serves to remind me of my failures in life, and I have to walk away from the negative.

I don't know what will come for Clark and I, I will pray that we can work this out because I love him with all my heart and soul, but things have to change, I am tired of hurting like this.

Going to see the Psych today to change meds, and get on with Living. Cycling is a thing of the past. Goodbye babies.

19 comments:

DrSavta said...

I am so sorry. Sending you a hug.

Kristin said...

Oh honey...I am so sorry. Please call.

Joey's Mama said...

(((Erica)) Life is sucking for me now too. Let's run away with the kids...........

Erin said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry that you're going through so much, and all at once. Please, please do keep in touch. You have my e-mail. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best. Hugs.

Aunt Becky said...

Oh Rebel, I'm so sorry. You can come stay with me...

Let me know if I can help, okay?

Tracey said...

I AM SO SORRY! I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY!

Just Me. said...

I am so sorry, sweetie.

Sending you lots of hugs.

serenity said...

Hugs, hon.

My Reality said...

I am so sorry things are so bad right now.

If you need to chat, I am an email away.

Dora said...

Oh, hon! What a monumentally crappy day. It seems it never rains, it pours.

momofonefornow said...

Oh wow! I don't even know what else to say. That really, really sucks.

You know we are here if you need us. I will be hoping for better days ahead.

Hopeful Mother said...

Thinking of you and sending lots of HUGS of support your way.

A Decade of BFNs said...

I am so sorry and hope things can work out.

A n T said...

Here from LFCA: (((Hugs))) so sorry to hear about all that is going on. I hope it all works out.

projectkjetil said...

Got here from LFCA to say I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm also bipolar, so I know how it compounds the stress of ttc AND the stress of running a family. Add relationship stress and it's just too much. Hoping that you get lots of great support, and thinking good things for you.

twondra said...

Here from L&F. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you! (((HUGS)))

Tammy
www.twondra.blogspot.com

Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry, Rebel. Many hugs and prayers coming your way........ We are always here when you need us.

Queenie. . . said...

Wishing you peace. Take good care of you.

Sandy S. said...

Thinking of you. You're just having a bad...month. Things will smooth over soon. Until then, many hugs to you, my friend!