February 6, 2009

Just as I thought

9:00 Am Beta Blood out to the Lab.

Dr. OvaryWhisperer saw me in the hall and hugged me.


I told her about Clark's comments, and she replied that now was not the time to make decisions about these things with emotions still so raw.

They discussed me several times this week. They think that a new protocol may be needed.

I set my YouFailedIVF#5 appointment before I left.


February 20th.

I have 2 weeks to heal my heart and get my questions together before I face the review.

I have a few things to research, and discussions to have with Clark.

Off to the house.

1:39... Cell phone rings....

Dr. KnockedMeUpLastTime. He asked how I was, and I told him I was fine.

I asked how he was, and he replied that he was having a bad day.

I told him I was sorry and asked him why he was having a bad day.

He responded, "Because I am calling you with a Negative Beta result."

I told him it was ok I already knew, but I am sorry that I gave him a bad day.

He apologized again, and told me to make sure I come in to see Dr. OvaryWhisperer. I told him I would.

I was in the car with Clark and Turtle.

There were no tears.

Just silence.

17 comments:

Rhonda said...

You have a lot of love around you, m'dear. Always remember that much.

DD said...

Crap. I always try not to offer any thoughts when someone thinks their beta will be negative before the beta...cart before the horst and all that, but damn.

Men almost reach the end of their tether before their partner. It's a sad fact, but it is because they truly empathize with your pain. Don't rush him, but don't roll over if you truly aren't ready.

Dora said...

So sorry, hon. Even when you expect it, it still hurts.

Sandy S. said...

Totally sucks...just friggin' sucks. I'm sorry. (((hugs)))

astral said...

I think of that scene in Steel Magnolias when Sally Field explains why men leave a sad situation--because they can't handle it. Women are much stronger. Hang in there. {{hugs}}

Kristin said...

Damn, damn, damn...I was so hoping it would be different news. Call me if you need to talk.

My Reality said...

I am so sorry.

poison ivy said...

I love you.

Aunt Becky said...

Crapballs. Shit. I'm sorry, Rebel. I'm so sorry.

Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry, Rebel. I know there isn't anything I can say to make this better right now. We're here whenever you need us.

momofonefornow said...

Damn. Can we get a miracle over here? Please!!!!

I hope that Clark will change his mind.

Kahla said...

I waited to post hoping I would get some really brilliant, mind-easing, world-changing, make you feel a zillion times better words, but I still can't come up with anything other than I'm so sorry. My heart is truly breaking for you and I hope Clark will change in mind. One day at a time sweetie.

A Decade of BFNs said...

I am so sorry doll.

Erin said...

Just a lot of hugs, because I know you need them.

mommiebrain said...

Hugs hun.....

Hopeful Mother said...

Just sending you a BIG hug. Be good to yourself.

Samantha said...

I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work out for you. Take your time, and you and Clark will make the right decision figuring out what to do.