February 1, 2009

I might need to be commited....

So, Turtle has turned a corner, and other then the NASTY green snot I seem to be getting by the bucket loads from her nose, she is feeling better.

Mommy on the other hand... Not. So. Much

I seem to have gotten what she had.

If that wasn't bad enough, today is 9dp3dt and I got nothing. Not a hint of a line, not a shadow, not even a somewhat suspicious evap line. Don't buy the T*rget brand if you can help it, they suck!!

Yeah, yeah it's early, but Hope left me standing in the sunshine this morning, and hasn't been back. I think that bitch is out getting High.

To be brutally honest with you after the events that played out in California this week, I may have to say goodbye to the IVF world. I am over the fact that freaks like her, drug addicts, and sorry excuses for human beings continue to be able to procreate, while I stand here heart broken and out 7 grand every cycle. I am sorry but it makes no fucking sense to me, and I am really of the mind that it may be time for me to stop trying to get it.

I know I have a living, breathing miracle right here in my own house, and I thank the heavens every day for her. I will credit her with saving my life for the rest of it. I cannot seem to get the desire to have another one out of my heart and soul, however, and that is what is doing me in. I honestly ask myself daily, "Why??" And I got nothing... ok well I have the Turtle, and her awesomeness makes me want more awesomeness, so I guess that is "Why".

As we go along this goal is getting harder to reach, and I am beginning to wonder if there wasn't some kind of "Intervention" when we got PG with the Turtle, and that was all we were going to get. This is the One, the Only, our Chance at biological parenthood. I am just not sure if I am able or ready to accept that She is all I get.

I guess I am a Greedy Bitch.


DrSavta said...

You have every right to be "greedy"! Sending positive energy your way...

Kristin said...

Not greedy just loving!

momofonefornow said...

I'm a greedy bitch too. No, wait, that chick in California with 8 babies is the greedy bitch. yep, that's it!

deanna said...

Kristin's right----you've just got lots of love to spare.

Thinking of you this cycle!!

Just Me. said...

You're not a greedy bitch at all. Babes and I have been talking if this works out ok, do we want to quickly try for number 2, considering it has taken us this long with him..So, no, it doesn't make you a greedy bitch at all.


Soxy Deb said...

Sweetie you are NOT greedy. You just have so much love to give and you want to share it. There's nothing wrong with that.
Try to keep up positive thoughts. Remember - PUPO!! I can make ou a tshirt if you like ;)


Kahla said...

I agree, not being greedy at all! Totally acceptable. For the record, my RE told me today that he does not believe that crazy lady did IVF. Hoping the test was just too early and thinking of you!

My Reality said...

I hope that it was just too early.

Jason and Samantha said...

Not greedy to me. If your greedy, than I am uber greedy. I want to get pregnant without IVF again (needles scare the shit out of me, and that's why we put it off so long. lol).

I'm thinking of you!

Poison Ivy said...

Wish I could take your pain away.
(((((Big, Big HUG)))))

I have empathy for you.