Hormonal Trainwreck

I emailed Dr.OvaryWhisperer this morning after yet another negative test.

I asked her to let this end.

She told me to hang on until Friday.

Beta Day.

I may not make it that far.

I break down everytime I think about those 3 little guys. Then I look at the Turtle, and the reality of what I have lost really goes deep.

I really hate this crap, and along with it goes hating my own body for all that it refuses to do. I cannot understand for the life of me why it can't get with the freaking program. I am not asking it to do anything it wasn't built to do. Why do I even bother taking care of It when it won't take care of me??

I promised myself I wasn't going to do this, but everyday, every negative test brings all the anger, bitterness, and frustration right back up from the depths.

Clark hugged me last night and told me that he was sorry that we couldn't get this right. We. He never puts it all on me, and that may be the only thing, besides Turtle, keeping me from derailing right now.