February 2, 2009

Hormonal Trainwreck

I emailed Dr.OvaryWhisperer this morning after yet another negative test.

I asked her to let this end.

She told me to hang on until Friday.

Beta Day.

I may not make it that far.

I break down everytime I think about those 3 little guys. Then I look at the Turtle, and the reality of what I have lost really goes deep.

I really hate this crap, and along with it goes hating my own body for all that it refuses to do. I cannot understand for the life of me why it can't get with the freaking program. I am not asking it to do anything it wasn't built to do. Why do I even bother taking care of It when it won't take care of me??

I promised myself I wasn't going to do this, but everyday, every negative test brings all the anger, bitterness, and frustration right back up from the depths.

Clark hugged me last night and told me that he was sorry that we couldn't get this right. We. He never puts it all on me, and that may be the only thing, besides Turtle, keeping me from derailing right now.


Lost in Space said...

Hugs, hun. Hugs.

Kahla said...

I wish I had words of wisdom that could fix everything. Hang in there. Lots of hugs from TX.

Just Me. said...

Big hugs coming your way!!!!


momofonefornow said...

This sucks! I mean it really sucks! I also think that doctors suck because they make you go through all kinds of crap that you know is useless.


I wish you were closer so that we could get together and vent. I also don't know how we are not supposed to question Gos when so many other people can get knocked up so easily. (I know, I am a broken record. I am too pissed to be anything but!)

I really am sorry. I wish there was more that I could say/do for you.

Tricia said...

I am so so so so so so sorry...{{{{big hugs}}}

Kristin said...

Lots and lots of {{{hugs}}}. Call me if you need me.

Joey's Mama said...

((((Rebel))) I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I'm having a rough few days myself after hearing about the bitch in CA. Life sure sucks sometimes.

Sandy S. said...

I'm sorry. (((huge hugs)))

Dora said...

I'm so sorry. This is unbearably hard.

Hopeful Mother said...

Lots and lots of hugs to you.

DD said...

Yes, do try to hang on. I know you know it's still possibly too early. I'm certainly hoping for you with everything I got.