August 1, 2008

Did you Hear that Pin Drop???

If not, it happened yesterday morning at about 10:15 AM to be almost exact.

My day started out at about 12:30 AM when the Turtle decided to barf the entire contents of her bottle all over the living room floor, and then wake her daddy as she was totally inconsolable.

Should have known it was gonna be a f*cker of a day then.

Fever of 102.3.

Tylenol on board, that proceeded to come back up 2 times before she finally kept it down.

She finally settled back down at around 3, and I wearily crawled back into bed with Clark.

6:00 and the alarm hadn't gone off, I rolled over to find Clark still in bed, and I jumped up thinking the power had gone out and we were late. He called to me to come back to bed, that he had reset the alarm, and was going to work late.

To late, I was up.

Wide Awake.

The girl got up just a few minutes later.

She got a bottle that she managed to keep mostly down.

Clark finally got up, and got ready for work.

I showered while Turtle was napping, and got dressed.

Clark took the Turtle to work with him since I had to be at the clinic early.

Got to the clinic, they were running a little behind, no big deal.

While I was sitting in the waiting room Clark called to tell me that the Turtle was freaking out and wouldn't let anyone hold her, so he couldn't pee. LOL. Welcome to my world!!

About 10:00, I get put into my room.

The drill.

Strip from the waist down.

RE comes in.

I get in the stirrups.

We joke about any number of things, and she tells me that my blood work had come back off. She was concerned about why I was bleeding on active BCP'S. No biggie though, prolly just the PCOS.

I told her, as she started injecting the Saline, that maybe I had a Uterine hitchhiker already that was causing us all these problems.

I was Joking.

I shouldn't have.

About 3 minutes into the sono, the room got quiet.

The Pin Dropped.

She turned the screen.

"Do you see that??" She pointed at a white spot on the screen.

"Yes" I say.

I saw it, I knew almost immediately that this couldn't be good. She was to quiet.

"Just a minute, let me see if it moves".... More saline in.

It moved a little.


Not enough.

"Let me turn on the doppler"

"This is bad, it looks like a tumor."

"It has blood flow to it."

HUH?? I didn't come here for that. I only came to get the ok to start an IVF cycle.

I don't have my bad news t-shirt on I tell her so she can't be serious.

She is.

It looks bad.

70% chance that this isn't going to end good.

I am to come back next week for another U/S and a visit with her and on Reproductive Oncologist.







She wasn't.

For this to show up this fast, and be so large, it really couldn't be a good thing.

I put a smile on my face.

I joked about this being the story of my life, and how my uterus is trying to pay me back for forcing it to carry the Turtle.

I left the clinic after trying to get the appointment set.

I would have to call later to see when both docs could see me at the same time.

As I walked out the door the sun was shining, and a single thought struck me.


What about her.

How am I going to do this?

I am scared out of my fucking mind.

I have been told more then 10 times in the past almost 24 hours that it is good that we had Turtle when we did. Now if I have to lose my uterus, at least we have her.

Yeah, but if this is bad for real, at the end of this will she have me??


Deb said...

Oh Rebel, I am so sorry and you are scaring me. Do you need me to come up? Seriously, all you have to do is ask (unemployed remember). I am going to keep a positive thought for you , but I swear, if you need me just say the word.

SAHW said...

Omg...oh no!! I really, really hope this isn't anything serious!! I am praying this is benign or nothing at all...I hope you'll be able to schedule the appointment soon. Please keep us posted, I will be thinking of you. (((hugs)))

momofonefornow said...

I can't believe it. I am praying for you. I hope they get your appointment set up very soon. keep us posted!

Erin said...

Oh no, this can't possibly be happening. I will be praying that everything is OK, that it's just some weird thing going on, and that you're in the 30% chance of those odds. After all, in IF we're already on the low end of the statistics--if ever there was a time to keep being on that end, this is the time.

I'll be thinking about you, and Clark, and Kent, and Turtle. A lot. Please let us know as soon as you know something.

Eva said...

I am so sorry. Best wishes.

beagle said...

Here via Erin . . . hoping for that 30% . . . keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Betty M said...

Also here via Erin. I am sorry that you are going through this very scary time and am hoping for you to be on the low end of the odds.

Sherry said...

Came by way of Erin too. I'll be thinking of you this week and hoping that the RE is just plain wrong. Take good care.

art-sweet said...

Here via Erin. Sending you good ends of the statistics wishes and warm thoughts for your family to get you through this terrifying time.

Kristin said...

Oh no...I truly hope and pray this is a fluke and nothing is seriously wrong. Check your email dear.

CreoleInDC said...

I hope this helps...

I had three of those tumors. Huge. With blood flowing to them and they caused me MAJOR pain. That was in 2000. I had them removed and I'm fine. I'm having trouble with getting pregnant because of Asherman's Syndrome which developed from the scar tissue from the surgery but I'm alive and well.

Kristin sent me to share with you so you know you're not alone.


Monica Mingo

May said...

Also here via Erin. Fingers and toes all crossed for that 30%. How terrifying. I'll be checking in- good luck next week.

Enat said...

So sorry, here via Erin also. my thoughts are with you.

If I can offer any consolation, I had this exact same appointment and I ended up in the 30% (although I was not given percentages, just the sad head shake) . They did a lap just to "make sure" it was not elsewhere since I was still bleeding on BCP's after I passed the tissue. I am hoping for the same outcome for you.

Sandy said...

I am thinking about you & sending positive energy into the universe for you.

Aunt Becky said...

You don't know me from a hole in the ground (in fact, a hole might be more recognizable) but I was directed to come over and give you love.

Sweetie, I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I'm here, along with everyone else, holding your hand and wiping the tears from your face.


Anonymous said...

I am SO calling you tomorrow morning! I just logged on and I am catching up. (((((((((hugs))))))))
I am here for you and I will do what ever it takes to help you thru this. I am praying for ya big time.
ps have a piece of chocolate; always improves any situation
xoxoxo Poison Ivy

The Rebound Girl said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

lucky #2 said...

I was sent your way from PCOS baby...just wanted to send some support from another IF blogger. Prayers are with you....

Jenn said...

Also here via Erin...

Here is lots of hope and prayers and a few tears to being in the 30%...

Rachel Inbar said...

Also here via Erin.

I'll be praying for you here in Israel.

Clover said...

Here via Erin- I am so very sorry. I hope it turns out to be benign and that it just was a scary, but ultimately harmless, twist in the road.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

My heart stopped reading this. I am so sorry. I am sending so much hope and many good thoughts.

battynurse said...

I'm so sorry. Many positive thoughts coming your way.

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