August 20, 2008

Because She Blew my Mind

So, last Monday, the 11th, I had to take Turtle to the Peds because she was pulling on her ear and hitting the side of her head.

Ear Infection.

Yeah I knew it.

#6 for crying out loud.

Off to T*rget to fill her script. I dropped it off, and asked them how long.

20 minutes.

Off to shop.

30 minutes, I am back waiting in line.

I knew most of the ladies who were working the pharmacy that evening, and most of them knew me, or should I say us, because they Love them some Turtle!! When the manager walked up to help me, she looked me right in the face and said,

"Is it true what they said that you are trying to have another baby?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Right now??"

"Uh, yeah."

"You have to do IVF to get pregnant right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And you still want another one right away?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You are doing it at MyClinicsName right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well that is cool cuz MissCuteLady (not her real name... to protect the innocent) (she points to one of the Techs) over there just donated a ton of her eggs to them in a cycle."


"Yeah isn't she the sweetest thing?" She didn't say it like she thought it was.

I instantly felt embarrassed, and I am not sure who it was more for, me or the tech. I looked over at MissCuteLady, she was standing there with a stunned look, her face turning red. I felt so guilty also in that moment because I knew I was the reason that at least 5 people now knew that this woman had donated her eggs. If I had not told them about our IVF with Turtle, and that we intended to try, were in fact at that time trying, to have another baby, then the manager would never have blurted out such personal information about MissCuteLady.

For one of the very few times in my life, I was speechless. I really had nothing to say, but at the same moment I wanted to reach across the counter and punch the manager in the face. How dare she divulge such intimate details of another woman's life out in the open like that?? I am very open about my infertility, because it is MINE. I wear it like a badge because it is part of who I am. But this woman had not been infertile, and had in fact, I am hoping, given some woman out there the chance to be a mother.

I looked at this very brave woman, who I am sure at that point wished she could disappear, and said to her...

"Thank you for doing that. Thanks for fighting the good fight."

She smiled at me, and asked who my doctor was. I told her, she told me who hers was, and that seemed to be all she had to say, so I gave her the space she needed.

I payed for Turtle's script and left.

Friday night I had to go back to get a different script, and MissCuteLady was working. I caught her eye, and told her I was so sorry about what had happened on Monday, and that I thought the Manager had been totally out of line.

She looked at me and told me, "She always does stuff like that, it is just who she is."

HUH??? This woman put you out there in front of customers and everyone, and you sucked it up?? Oh hell no!!!

Why am I bringing this up now?? Because it has really been wearing on my mind and my heart. What gives people the right to just run off at the mouth anymore?? I mean I am sure that this stuff was either shared in private, or because there was some time that she needed to have off, but either way, there is no excuse for what happened. I just can't believe that she said it. What the hell is wrong with people anymore?? I am honestly thinking about calling and reporting this woman for what she did.

Like I said before, I wear my Infertility like a badge, I have never had an issue talking about it. I do talk about it when asked, a lot. I am not your usual infertile I guess, because I need to tell others so that they understand this can and does happen to all kinds of people. However, when I see something like this, it just pisses me off. She didn't "have the T-shirt" so to speak, was just minding her own business, and BAM, gets outed. I think what she did was amazing, awesome, selfless, and very special, but with one twist of a tongue, it had been turned into something to be embarrassed about. For that I am sad because this is how Infertility usually ends up being seen. Something to be embarrassed about. A shame that we have to suffer under silently, and that totally pisses me off.

Infertility isn't something you can catch.

It messes with you like an abusive relationship. One day it "loves" you, and the next it doesn't. We, as Infertiles, abuse ourselves psychologically. We think about how every minor or major thing, right or wrong, actual or perceived, that we have ever done is why we cannot get pregnant. We are the terrible ones. The dirty ones.

Along comes someone (MissCuteLady) who tries to take that away, or lessen it at the very least, for one person, and an ignorant person has to ruin that feeling.

I still really want to punch her in the face, and I am really glad that the 11th was her last day working there.



Kristin said...

I would DEFINITELY report that manager. That was so completely wrong for her to do that.

Lost in Space said...

People can be unbelievable. Talking about somebody else's egg donation in public is not appropriate conversation on any level. What an insensitive moron. I'm guessing she is fertile.

I'm glad she is gone now. I'll add a second "bitch" for good measure. (:

Deb said...

I have no idea how MissCuteLady or you kept your cool. And whether or not you "wear it like a badge" she was wrong for the entire conversation. I know for your part you dont mind discussing and actually encourage chatting about your infertility. But, as you said, some others are not like that and she should not have said anything at all that was so damned personal - about either of you.

I'll throw out the third - the BITCH!

Rhonda said...


Stupidity often amazes me.

As does some people's need to show other's how much they know, when in truth they are just being ignorant.

I would have reported her also!

Samantha said...

MissCuteLady gets points for composure for having to deal with such a crappy boss! It's probably a lot easier for you as an outsider to be able to report her manager.

Erin said...

Please, please report that woman to the store manager, and follow it up with a visit in person. It's completely inappropriate that she would have shared information like that with you. If MissCuteLady wanted to share the information, she would share it. If not, then it was certainly NOT up to the manager to to have done so.

My big concern would be that she would have no compunction sharing your information with another person who comes in and happens to either mention that she's doing IVF or the manager simply notices what prescriptions she's getting. Given her lack of discretion, she might very likely mention your name. I would absolutely report it.

I'm glad you said something to MissCuteLady instead of both of you trying to pretend it hadn't happened. I hope that MissCuteLady will also say something to the store manager.