March 4, 2007

Thank God this week is over....

Note to self:

NEVER get sucked into throwing a baby shower.

This situation has been the most miserable of my life!!! It all started with an innocent little question... Me "Well since this is your second, and last baby, and you didn't have a shower with the first, who is gonna throw you a shower for this one?" Mom to be "Well, no one has brought it up yet, so I guess that would be YOU." Well, since this conversation took place in early January before my IVF, and Hope (you know the evil bitch that will immediately abandon you with no apology on CD1, after the worst IVF experience of your life) was still in the picture, I agreed to throw the shower. I did however push for a date that would in the event of a negative Beta give me some time to recoup before I was faced with spending the day celebrating a new life when I didn't have one growing in me. That day was the 3rd of March, or this past Saturday. This friend and I ended up having many disagreements about food, time, and place, which made me realize why I am not cut out to be a party planner. She literally went out and bought stuff after I told her that I had it all under control, and then complained to friends about it, who in turn called and chewed my ass, ordered food after I told her that I would make the food so that it was cheaper, and then ordered a cake after I told her that I would make some very cute cupcakes. Loads of fun!!! Our guest list was 17, and all had confirmed as of this past Wednesday, well on Saturday our attendance was a lack luster 4 people. How do you comfort a woman who was so looking forward to this day, when her own mother couldn't be bothered to show the hell up?? You don't. You just go on with the shower as planned, and hand out the extra prizes to who ever will take the damn things home, and pray that the guests will want to take home all of the enormous amounts of food that we had left. So my first and last foray into the world of baby showers that I throw, was a freaking disaster..... Oh yeah and for the bloggers out there, diapers can and will catch fire in a microwave!!!

Clark and I have been at each other all week, and it is getting very tiresome to be totally honest with you!! Every little comment that I make to Kent about anything, Clark tells me that I am being unreasonable and confrontational.... Uh no, I just want my son to be able to care for himself with minimal assistance from outsiders, and if that means that I have to tell him 3 times that his bathroom is not cleaned right then I will do just that. So, then in comes all that 15 year old attitude, and just how mean and horrible of a mom that I am because no matter how hard he tries, I ALWAYS find something wrong. Yeah OK, dried up toothpaste that is OBVIOUSLY all over the counter top where you can reach, and me showing you that you missed it..... I got the waterworks... (BTW, those so don't work on me anymore!!!), and I finally told him that I was going to cut his allowance, and clean it myself if he couldn't do it right. Yeah, so being the typical man that he is, and loving his almighty dollar, he threw a HISSY FIT!!! I just walked away because I will not get into it with him anymore. So, I tell Clark that he has to cut his allowance, and Clark gets mad at me because I didn't consult him, and he feels that I am totally blowing the whole thing out of proportion.... Yeah OK whatever, Kent has been cleaning his own bathroom for 2 years now, and this is constantly an issue. I will not raise my child to be a man who needs or requires someone to clean for him... unless of course he makes enough money to afford a maid, and just because he is in a wheelchair does not mean that he shouldn't have to do chores around the house.. UGH... So, that has pretty much been our week, every little thing that I say I either get it from Clark or Kent about how I am UNFAIR!!

I have been PMSing, or at least I hope that is what it is... Today is CD28, so now the wait for the Crimson Bitch begins again, not that I am shocked, I had just prayed that this cycle would be somewhat normal... LOL... Guess that is what I get for thinking!!! We are going to go ahead and cycle when the CB shows up this month, and see where this IVF gets us. I am scared, but a little more hopeful then I was the last time. I guess now that I am in the land of the Known instead of the Unknown, I feel more comfortable with everything that is going on, not to mention that we will be doing ICSI, so there is a better chance of us to have some good quality Embies, and maybe even have some to freeze this time. So that is that.

I got a little bit of a shock this week when I found out that my brother lives in Enterprise, Alabama (The town that was basically leveled by a tornado). My mom called me the morning after it happened freaking out because she couldn't get him on the phone, and I told her that was the wrong town, and that I am sure he was just fine, in fact the last I had heard he was in WA state with his wife... but you all know how moms get, she kept trying to get ahold of him until she did just that, right where I told her he was... at home with his wife. See, my brother is in the Army and has been in Flight School at Ft. Rucker in Alabama since October of last year. I thought that he was still living in the barracks on base, but I guess that he hated it and decided to get a place in Enterprise. He has been home since about the middle of Feb. because they were on a break between classes, and I am sure that he wanted to spend time with his wife. I guess that when he returns on the 10th of March to get ready to go back to class, he will see what is left of his apartment, and his car. I feel bad that he might have lost all of his stuff, but ever so happy that he wasn't there!! He was in Iraq last year and the day after he left to come home, his clinic was bombed, and a few of the people were really hurt, so I think that my little brother has an angel looking out for him!!

I am putting in job applications because I need to keep my CNA license up, and Clark has been pissy about that. He seems to think that I am just trying to get away from him and Kent. I guess that I really do need a little time away, but it really seems to make the time that we do spend together a lot better for all of us. I am just a lot happier when I am working to, because I am doing what I love, helping the elderly. I guess Clark thinks that I should just be happier sitting at home all day cooking and cleaning... that used to be the case when I was younger, and thought that I was just gonna have all the kids I wanted, but since IF has stomped on that dream, I do what I can to stay sane, and work is that one thing that does the most for me. Some days I feel like no matter what I do, it will never be right or enough for him...

Well, I have a very long day tomorrow... I have to get some things at several stores, see my therapist, and turn in all of my applications in about a 3 hour time frame, so I am gonna be pretty rushed!!! Hope that all is well with my fellow bloggers!!!


DD said...

You brave, brave woman. A baby shower under the best of conditions is usually traumatic for the hostess. Some friends/family to have only 4 show? Yuck.

Samantha said...

Sounds like quite a weekend. I won't even ask how exactly you discovered that diapers catch fire in the microwave... Hang in there.