Virtual Hand Slap...

Remember when I told you all I was extremely Assertive??? Well I actually told someone off in an email 2 days ago, and have been simmering about it every since. See when I posted "Dummies Guide to OHSS",I had no idea who was reading my blog. I don't have any fancy trackers or counter or anything like that to keep track of my visitors, so when I got an email from someone who had read the Dummies post, I opened it just as I would any of the comments that I get right from my Blog... oh boy was this person pissed (and to that person... just as I told you in my response, I am going to share your emailed opinion)!!! I was literally hand slapped and handed my ass for making light of a serious medical condition that can kill people. Well, I don't see where you thought I did that, because I in no uncertain way said that OHSS was funny, or fun for that fact of the matter. It actually SUCKS, and if you had gone back further, I am assuming that you haven't hit my archives, then you would know how I felt about that very shitty experience!!! First of all, I am very curious to know just what your title really is, because Infertility Specialist really doesn't narrow it down enough for me... I mean are you and RE, an IVF Nurse, or just someone who has done 20 cycles, and considers herself a bit of an expert?? It would be nice to know just where it is that you stand in your "specialty". For the record there is NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING that I find even remotely funny or amusing about Infertility. I have been on this "boat" for 14 long years, and if I even for one minute found even one thing getting funny, it would have to be time for me to hang up my baby dreams!! Infertility is a daily part of my life, and I just happen to be one of those people who try to find some humor in the bad parts of their lives, so that having that part doesn't consume me or ruin me totally. Do I really know what it is like to shit a razor blade?? No, but somehow I don't think you do either "Specialist", so if you feel that you cannot handle my little attempt at trying to lighten a terrible situation, then you should just give up reading this blog!! Nuff said!!

Now on to important things.....

The work situation has somewhat resolved itself... they discharged the lady from the agency, and she has lost her funding. So why is it that I feel like a giant asshole?? Because now there is the possibility that there will be no one looking out for this woman, and that makes me feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut. I know that she isn't my family and I don't owe her, but that is the sense of obligation I feel about this whole thing. She deserves to be treated with respect, and taken care of, and I fear that now she won't be. I know that I have guilt issues, and that is something that I struggle with a lot in all aspects of my life not just this one. A dear friend told me that I did the right thing (so did my therapist), but I still cannot help feeling like I let her down. UGH

The CB still is not here, and we are now at CD41. I had a VERY long chat with Clark about the state of our "family" about a week ago, and he was still "fence sitting" about the whole thing, so I had a long talk with myself, and had decided that I was going to have a really serious heart to heart with him, and that if he wasn't on board all the way then I guess that we would be done. Well tonight we went out for dinner, and I got the stunner of a life time..... He asked me if I wanted to leave when a table of 4 pregnant ladies was seated right next to us (even thought neither he or Kent were done eating) but I just told him that I was fine, and looked away, to which he asked me when I was planning on going back to the doc about the next IVF... "UH well I am still waiting on the CB, you know that", I told him. So then he gets this concentrating look on his face, and I ask him what in the hell he is thinking about, to which I get this "Well, I was thinking that since you will have to wait for the CB, then be on the BCP's for 21 days before the L*pron, then it will be like another 3 weeks before ER and ET, then it will be close to winter before you finally start getting miserable." To which I gave him a BLANK stare... how on God's Green Earth could this man know all of that, and not be on board?? So, I asked him if he meant that it would be getting cold around the time I would be getting big and uncomfortable if I got pregnant this cycle... to which I get, "Of course that is what I meant, I mean it is going to work for us this time you know." Good Lord, this man is going to drive me to drink I swear!!! I am still going to talk to him again, but I think that I got my clearance for this next cycle, don't you??