We had a fight...

Clark and I that is... Geez, why are men so freaking complex some days??

Clark had his follow-up on Friday morning at the VA hospital, so we got up at 5:30, and he told me I looked pretty tuff. I just told him I was tired and wanted to go back to bed. I asked him if he had started the coffee, and he said no because he had to fast, so I told him that I would start some for me while he was in the shower. Off I went to start the coffee, and sneak out to smoke... yeah yeah I know more on that later.... Well, after that I went and sat down on the couch waiting for him to get out of the shower, at some point I fell asleep, and when I woke up, Clark was gone, and Kent was going out the door to get on the bus..... WTF??!! I tried calling his cell a few times, and he never answered. Well, about 12:30 he still wasn't home, so I decided to go out smoke, get showered, and head to the nail salon. Just as I was getting out of the shower in walks Clark. He didn't say a word to me at all, got something out of the closet, and walked out of the bathroom. When I finished getting out if the shower and got dressed I went looking for him, because it was obvious that he was pissed off about something. When I found him I asked him what was wrong, to which he replied "If you don't already know then there is no point talking about it." I just looked at him and asked him why he left me sleeping on the couch instead of waking me up, to that he replied, "If I was really that important to you you would have kept your ass awake!!" To say that I was stunned is an understatement. I started crying and told him that I have been very worried about him and this whole heart issue, and that I really did want to go, but that I haven't been sleeping well and he knew that, so he should cut me a little slack... not to mention I am sooooo not a morning person. Well, he got really pissed, and just started yelling at me about how I was just pretending to be upset, that I really hadn't wanted to go anyway, and that he thought I was one hell of an actress... Uh OK jackass now it is on!!! I looked him right in the face and told him that I wasn't acting, and if he wanted to be an ass then he should remember all the times I have asked him to come to appointments, and he couldn't be bothered, like the day after my wonderful visit to the ER, 2 days after transfer, when I had to drive over an hour to go see the RE because they were so worried about the OHSS. He told me that he really didn't want to go and then he stayed home and slept all freaking day when I spent 4 hours get wanded, blood letted, and sitting in the office freaking out... and it was a Saturday!! Well, that comment didn't go over well, and he told me that since I felt that way that I could go to my next retrieval, and transfer alone. Uh OK, I need you there jackass. Then he just walked away. Well, nothing pisses me off more then when he does that shit, and I am not done with him, so I followed him right out the door, and to the shed. He gets on the riding mower, starts it up, and proceeded to try to back up into me. I moved, and he drove off with me yelling at him to get off the damn thing and talk to me. He just ignored me, so I picked up a tire (our dogs play with our old lawnmower tires) and threw it at him. It hit the back of the mower and bounced off, but he just kept going. I walked back to the house, and up the steps to go in, when I hear him yell... "Yeah you are so freaking mature." I looked right at him, and said that I knew that he had seen me smoking, and that I didn't care if he thought I was mature or not, and then I picked up a spray bottle and threw that at him to... good thing he caught it, cuz I was aiming for his head!! See, at that point I saw where his car was parked, and I was pretty pissed because I knew that he had been home well before I had known it, but that he had hidden his car, and been in the garage since just after 11:30. So, when I went out to smoke, he had seen me through the windows.

(I smoked for most of my life... Hell I smoked as a fetus if you want to get down right technical about it, but I actually started smoking at the age of 13. Both my parents, step parents, and all 4 grandparents smoke or smoked, so I was predisposed to do it. I actually quit in October, and just had so much on my plate with Clark's issues, and stress that I broke down and had one.... and that was all she wrote. Normally I don't keep things from Clark, but I was embarrassed that I had failed at something that I so wanted to be able to follow through on, and he HATES it that I smoke. So for a week now I hadn't said anything, and I know that he was angry that I had started again. It isn't easy having a vice like that hanging over your head all the time, and I hate being a smoker, but not enough to be able to quit apparently. UGH )

So, Clark went on mowing the lawn, and I got dressed, got in my van, and left. I was still crying, and knew I was in no shape to drive to town, so I went down our road to a boat launch, and just sat there for an hour crying. I finally got up and went back to the house, and we sat and talked about everything. I told him that he needed to say he was sorry for the shit that he yelled at me unfairly, and I apologized for throwing the tire, and the bottle. He did, and I did, and we kissed and "Made Up"!!!!

I just can't figure him out though, if he wanted me to go so badly why in the hell didn't he wake me up???? Good lord we could have avoided the whole thing if he had just swallowed his pride and done one simple little thing!!!! UGH

He is fine though, and he actually got mad and left because the nurse left him sitting in the waiting room for an hour while she supposedly went to talk to his doctor. I told him that was kinda dumb, that he should have stayed, but I agree with him to... that kind of shit is so typical of the VA hospitals!!! He told me that he is just going to start seeing a civilian doc for all his stuff instead of fighting with them. It can take him up to 6-9 weeks to get a 15 minute appointment, so the aggravation isn't worth it, that and most of the docs are idiots!

My job called me on Friday and I have a new case, it is only 3 hours a day, M-F, but it is perfect for me. I started today, and I like them. They are a very cute couple. I am also doing another case every other weekend for 2 hours on Saturday and Sunday, from 7-9 AM, that one is going to kill me!! LOL, Clark said I could come home and nap after though!!!

Soooo for the big news of the DAY!!!!!! I have hunted down the Crimson Bitch!!! CD 1 tomorrow!!!! I started to spot this afternoon, and am working on the rest. Geez the cramps though.... freaking killing me!!! Tomorrow, I have to head to the clinic early to get more BCP's as I have been procrastinating and hadn't gotten any before now, so it will be a mad dash in the morning to get all my shit done before work. I am soooo ready to get this cycle underway and over with no matter what the outcome!! LOL I guess that explains why I was such a Cow this weekend to!! Oh well, PMS is the best excuse I can use right now, because being Lame has been used to death!!