I know, I was trying...

Trying to get into Blogger that is.... Well, I have been doing ok, gearing up for my next cycle, and waiting for the Crimson Tide to come... I have also been dealing with some issues surrounding Kent. Now mind you that he is 15, and adopted, but he used to be a Momma's Boy to the core, and now not.so.much. That is what has been bothering me the last week or so, I feel like I am losing my "baby", the only baby I may ever have, and it makes me sad and angry all at the same time. It all came to a head when we were eating out last night, and he had spilled some salsa on his shirt. Without even thinking the Mom in me picked up a napkin, reached over pulled his shirt out a little, and got the nastiest glare along with a "Don't touch me, I can get it myself"... That hurt. He is growing up and doesn't need me to wipe up his spills. That makes me sad. Kent has only been in our lives for just over 8 years, and in that time he has changed so much that I am having a hard time letting go of that little 50 pound 8 year old that I fell in love with, and used to cuddle on the couch while watching movies with?? He is gone, and in his place is this 15 year old young man who I don't know. He has stopped sharing a lot of things with me, and Clark assures me this is normal Boy behavior, but all I feel is the loss. He doesn't let me cut his hair anymore, hell he doesn't get it cut at all anymore, he wants to spend more time with Clark then me, and is getting interests in hobbies that I have no desire to pursue. He is growing up, and I am losing that little boy right before my eyes. It makes me so sad, and now I know how other mothers feel, it is a sadness that cuts to the bone, because those little people that relied on you for everything, can do most of it for themselves, and they don't need us anymore. Sure, they need money, help with some homework, and a few personal issues, but for the most part, they don't even want you around. Ugh... when did it happen?? I cannot put a pin point on it, but it has been within the last year, and maybe that was why I was so relieved that we were going to do IVF, because I would have had another little person to devote my time to. Someone who needs me the way Kent used to. I know that might sound like I am replacing him, but Kent wasn't mine to nurture and love as an infant, so I have never had that experience, but his illness' when he came to us made it sort of feel that way, and that is what I miss the most, the closeness and the fact that he needed me. I feel like my heart is breaking, and then I know how much more it will be broken when the day comes that he will leave for college. How do mom's do it over and over again?? I don't even have a clue because I cannot get past the fact that my little boy doesn't need me........