Extremely Assertive......

That is what I was called by not one but 2 women in my life this week....

Assertive: confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic.

So what does that mean to you... I took it to mean that I am a Bitch. I didn't used to be that way, but to be honest with you, I got really tired of people walking on me all the time, so I decided when I was 15 I wasn't going to be a door mat. I am a very honest, blunt, and to the point person. If I don't like something I will let you know, if I don't like you I will let you know. I guess I am of the opinion that the world has way to many fake ass people in it, who will stab you in the back as soon as you turn around, so I don't want to be one of the "in crowd". So when talking with my therapist on Tuesday I told her about the conversation that I had with a woman over the weekend, and how she had called me "Extremely Assertive", and how I really thought that she had overstated the word. Well, my therapist knowing what she does about me said that she would have to agree with the woman on some levels. She said her biggest agreement was when I talk about Clark and I, and how I listen to his input but if it isn't what I want to hear I just do what I want to do anyway. Hmmm... Yeah I do do that, Clark wasn't interested in fostering Kent, and wasn't really interested in adopting him either (not in a bad way) but I wanted to do both, and so we DID. She brought up about how he feels about the IVF issue, and I told her that he seems to have a lot of ambivalence about it, and she strongly suggested that we talk further about it and what he really means. I already know. He has told me on more then one occasion that he is just fine with our life the way that it is right now. Well, to be honest with me, that isn't how I feel. So once again I forged ahead and did what I wanted to do... the overly assertive me!!! Crap, I look back on that session, and I realize that she made me feel like a Bully. I know that Clark loves me, and that if he really was adamant about not having kids then he would tell me, but his not just coming right out and saying yes or no has put me in a little bit of a spot.... what do you Internets think... be honest....

Well, on to this next situation.... I got the job that I applied for that I really wanted, and today was my first day. I do home health care, so I visit people and take care of them in their own homes. Today I had my first client, and I was running a little late because I got lost (blond moment). I get there, get my instructions, and am pretty much told right out that I WILL be leaving early, but that she will fill out the time sheet saying that I was there the full 6 hours. OK. Well, I wasn't comfortable with it, and she told me that she has been doing it with all of the Aides, and no one has had an issue with it at all. I agreed with her, but was pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing. I did the things on the list that I was supposed to do, and then about 2 hours into the 6, she told me that anytime I was ready, I could leave. I finally left at 4 PM, and called Clark and told him what was up... he told me that he knew I had already decided what to do, and to just do it. So... I came right home and called the office to let them know what had happened. I mean these people are getting federally earmarked funds to pay me, and I would be committing fraud if I said I worked the hours when I didn't, that in turn could get me put in jail, and my license revoked permanently. I feel bad because there were other Aides who took her up on her offer, and I am sure they will be punished, but I am just to freaking HONEST do do shit like that. It must be nice to take money from people, but I just cannot and will not do it.... so how is that for starting shit on the job?? I have only been with the company for 28 hours, and I have gotten people in trouble. The good thing was that Clark told me tonight that he was very proud of me for standing up for what I believe in and being so honest... yeah, but I am Extremely Assertive!!! LOL do you see the ASS in there???