July 30, 2008

6 Months, the Check-Up...

That is about all I can say!! This girl is growing so fast!!! She is just amazing!!!
6 Month Stats:

Weight: 16.5 lbs- My Skinny Minnie!!!

Height: 27 1/2 inches- Praying she got her Daddy's height!!!

Head: 43 cm- At least this seems to have slowed down!! LOL

Ped says she looks great, and is doing very well as far as milestones!! I am excited to hear that.....

After her appointment, I took her to get her 6 months pics done....(Below) Kent got some taken with her because he really wanted one of just the 2 of them, so I did, and it turned out great!! Email me if you want to see that one as I am not going to post it on the blog for obvious reasons. All in all it was a good day, I just could have done without the terrible lightening and rain I had to drive home in... I HATE LIGHTENING!!!!!!!

Turtle was in bed by 7:30, and is still not feeling to well this morning, damn shots, but she is still all smiles!!! I love that little grin!!

July 28, 2008

Almost an Afterthought....

I got so into what was going on over the weekend I almost forgot to mention that somehow only 10 days into my pack of BCP'S, my Ute decided that she no longer needed that tiny bit of lining, and evicted it ever so rudely with no warning on Saturday morning. It wasn't however a tiny bit, and actually once it started, the cramps hurt like a B*tch, I freaking hate Endo!!! I called the clinic this AM, and got my Hydrosonogram scheduled for Thursday morning. So it looks as though things are going to move a long a little faster then I had planned... go figure!!

Turtle has her 6 month visit in the AM, and I am taking her and Kent to get their pictures done after the fact. He will head back to school shortly, so I want to get pics of them together!! Gotta run, the dishwasher needs me!!

July 27, 2008

Friday, The Weekend & The Friend Called


I should have known it was going to be a shit day, and just stayed in bed. Ha.

Turtle decided that she needed to fuss most of the night, then was up at the crack of dawn demanding a bottle. She got it, played for about 2 hours and then wanted, ok demanded to be put back to bed. I figured hey if she is gonna go back to sleep then I should to. I curled up on the couch, and apparently fell into the land of NOD!!! So deep was my sleep that I sat bolt upright at 15 minutes to 10, and preceded to chew Kent out for letting me sleep... see we had to be at an appointment 55 miles away in just over an hour....... He said he was afraid I would be mad if he woke me up???? Ok whatever, he is 16 and a male, we all know they don't have independent thoughts. So I run all over getting showered, dressed, getting the girls stuff ready to go, woke her, dressed her, and was out the door by 10:15 (amazing if I do say so myself).

Tourist season is in full swing here, and I swear they either drive way to fast or way to slow. I ended up falling in a pack that must have decided that the ambient driving speed MUST be 45!! I swear to you no matter what I did I could not get out of this pack of people. I call Clark and tell him to call the appointment and tell them I am running late. He calls me back 15 minutes later and asks me the good news/bad news question... just freaking tell me already.... Apparently the tech had no idea why I was even coming up because all of the parts for Kent's wheelchair were NOT there like I was told, and the he said that there was no point in me having to come twice.

To understand this being the bad news I have to tell you about the phone calls I received earlier this week. The scheduler called Tuesday to tell me that our parts were all in, and what day would be CONVENIENT for me to come in. She hinted at next week, but today (the 25th) was a really good day because Kent had appointments in the area close by in the afternoon, so I told her this am would be best.

She rudely tells me just a minute she needed to see, comes back asks me what time is good for me. I say our other appointments are at 1:30 about a half hour away.

She says "OK then 9 AM good??"

I said "No that makes no sense, how about 11 AM."

She gets pissy and says "Well just a minute let me check." Comes back on the phone acting snotty, so I ask

"Well just how long is this going to take?"

She huffs into the phone, and tells me that she will be right back she needs to ask the tech.

"About an hour"' she says when she comes back.

"Ok, then 11 AM is perfect for ME", I tell her.

"Fine, I guess we will see you then. She hangs up before I can respond.

The phone rings again 20 minutes later, and it is my newest what bestest friend... rude heifer from above. She informs me that they do not have a script on file for the insurance to pay for the parts. DEEP BREATH from me. It seems they have managed to lose it, so she asks me if I have it can I fax it to her now. I tell her I have it, but I cannot fax it to her because I don't have a fax however I will bring a copy of it with me when I come on Friday.

"Well, I really would prefer if you would fax us a copy, or have the doc do it because you will probably forget it when you come."

"Excuse me?? I carry all of that stuff with me in a folder. I won't lose it like you seem to have lost the other 4 copies that were faxed to you." Ha take that Miss Smarty Pants.

"Well, then could you call his Ped. and have them fax it for me??"

"Fine", at this point I think I broke a filling I was gritting my teeth so hard from trying NOT to cuss her out. I called the peds, explained the situation to them, and they said they would fax it again.

Now this would totally be so not funny if I hadn't gotten home tonight and had a voicemail from this this same woman reminding me to bring the script with me when I came in today... she called at 8:52 AM, I must have been in a coma, cuz I never heard the phone ring. So that must mean that she never got the script that they faxed her.

I am getting my parts when they come in, and RUNNING to a new supplier!!! These people have been screwing around for 6 months now, the poor kid could have had a brand new wheelchair custom built for as long as we have been waiting for bits and pieces!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!

I told Clark that since I had time to kill, and the appointment we had later in the afternoon was only 15 minutes from his office, then we would bring him lunch. Oh how simple the thought was... It literally took me 10 minutes to order my VERY simple order of 2 large roast beef sandwiches, 2 med roast beef sandwiches, 4 large fries and 2 large drinks at Arby$. I had to repeat it 4 times, then once more VERY SLOWLY. I turned to Kent who was sitting in the back seat just stunned, and told him...

"This is why I want you to stay in high school!!!"

I mean really people, it isn't that hard to push a freaking button!!!

We went to the office, and of course Clark had to show the girl off, we ate, and it was time to go.

We got to our appointment on time only to find out we were in the wrong place, Radiology. we headed up to cardiology, where we were supposed to be. Checked in. Called back for an EKG. Kent transferred to the table, and it was then that I noticed that he had leaked through his "diaper"(he wears them because he is paralyzed) and had soaked his clothes with urine. I had to ask for some scrubs because his shorts were done for. The tech that had done his test was very nice, and went out of her way to help us out. Which is more then I can say for the tech that did his U/S. (Note to medical professionals: if you don't like children, don't work with them, and if you need to take something up with a float pool employee, don't do it rudely in the hall in front of patients, we don't appreciate seeing what a bitch you are right before we find out that you are performing the test on our child.) That should actually say it all, adding also that when she was doing his sono she was really ruff with Kent. She pushed so hard on his chest he has a bruise there now. I had made a point of asking her if she wanted him on the table, and she said it made no difference to her. I will be making a phone call on Monday.

Tests done, and we were off to Renal to see his Kidney doc. Again right on time for our 3 PM appointment. I didn't walk out of that office until after 5, and there is nothing wrong with him that they could tell. I feel like a freaking hostage every time I go to see them. Now this hospital is right in the middle of downtown, on a Friday (it is right across from my RE), so traffic was a bear to say the least, and we finally pulled in the driveway at 7:15. Tired. Cranky. Hungry, and in the case of one Turtle, totally melting down because her teeth were killing her. I think I passed out shortly after she did around 10 PM.


We were supposed to have company come to visit... these people stalked me for 3 days about coming to see us and finally seeing the Turtle, and then decided at the last minute to just go on to their final destination w/o calling to tell us they had decided not to come.... what gives with some people??? We sat her most of the day waiting for them, and when I called her cell she tells me that they were already gone, and oops sorry about not calling, but I will be back in town on Thursday, so we will come over then...... I think I am going to be busy on Thursday!!

After that we decided to just get our of the house and go out to eat... had fun, hit the Wally World, and came home..... to a diaper genie that was emptied of its contents all over my living room carpet!! Did I forget to say that since the Turtle is cutting her top teeth most of her dirty diapers are well Runny.... what a freaking mess I swear!!! I don't know how they did it, but they got the damn thing open, and tore up about 50 diapers. GROSS!!!!! So, out came the carpet cleaner. Geez, damn dogs.


I got up early and finished cleaning the carpet. I am really funny about it, and wanted to do it twice, of course Clark thinks I have lost my mind, and I have blisters on my hand now, but hey my carpet looks brand new!!!

The Friend, Lee, called later in the day. She signed on while I was sitting here and read the emails I had sent and called. She was angry that I put her out there on my blog, and I told her, that I didn't know what else to do. She was mad because she said I didn't tell the whole story about the event we were to attend, so I will.

Lee's boss buys tickets to an event in our area. There are actually several events covered by one ticket purchase. For the last 5 years other then really special reasons, this has been the way that Lee and I get together. We used to live right down the street from each other, but now we are more then an hour and half's drive away, in two different states. So in a sense these concerts became a night out and away for each of us. We would meet, have dinner, usually Tac* B*ll, and then have a nice fun filled night. I have always sent a gift to her boss at the end of the season thanking him for the chance to go to the shows. We didn't go to any last year because the groups were all the same, and it was getting boring. Well in January, the day Turtle was born, the list of acts came out, and I asked Lee if her boss was going to get tickets this year, because if he wasn't, then I was going to buy my own. All the groups were ones I really wanted to see, and Clark had agreed that it would be a nice break from the girl when I wanted to get out. She told me that he was buying them, and in fact getting an extra set just for us. I want to make it clear that I have NEVER EXPECTED to get to go to these concerts, and there are a few that I have missed because he has used the tickets. I do not have a problem with this at all, as I know that they are his tickets. I guess the fact that I specifically asked her about them, so that I wouldn't miss any of the shows this year, by buying my own tickets is what upsets me about the whole thing. The last show he decided to use all of the tickets, and she never even called me. The first concert in May she called and told me the day before and said he was using all of the tickets, so even though I was upset about it being so last minute, that was what upset me, the last minute cancellation. I could have avoided all of this by buying my own damn tickets.


The verdict, she still loves me, she has just been very busy. I told her that I get that, but it has been over a month since she has even read my emails. I get it. I do, we are in totally different places now.... Her kids are now all grown, and my family is pretty much just getting started. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. I miss her. I was there when her kids were growing up, and I guess maybe I just expected the same from her. Our lives are so different from what they were just a year ago, and it makes me sad in a way. She is moving into the part of her life of "no kids" and I am moving into my life with Kids. It is sad because she is only 7 years older then me, and I guess most of our friendship I have been like the kid sister. So, life has gone on for her, and for me to, but in totally different directions... doesn't that just figure?? We are supposed to go see them next Saturday for a cook-out, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that inviting us was an after thought. Oh well, I really just want to see her, and she hasn't seen the Turtle since she was born, so I am gonna suck it up and go.

I am just sad to feel like I am not going to have her by my side for my journey into motherhood when I was actually there for most of hers. Somehow I feel like I don't have the right to expect that, but then on the other hand, I just don't want to give up the friendship. Unfortunately I feel as though things are changing just way to much for us to stay the close duo we used to be. I have no words for what I am feeling......

July 24, 2008


You need them. I need them. We all need them. They are like a glass of wine, or a piece of fine chocolate when you are down. They fill the holes that get left when we are hurt or lose a loved one, they are just....


I have had my fair share of them.

Most of them have moved on, and a select few stuck around.

I have friends that I have had since middle school.

I have friends that I met just last weekend (Samantha).

The one thing that has always been consistent for me though, is that I sort of demand a level of respect from my long time friends, that I don't think is to daunting... well I didn't until about a week ago anyway. I rarely ever bring my RL, other then the members of the Infertiles into my blog, but I have been so blind sided by a friend, I will call her Lee, that I almost can't function. She has cut a wide path in my heart, and won't even acknowledge that she has done it, or me for that matter, and my heart is broken.

She has been for the last 13 years more of a sister to me then a friend. Our lives have run mostly parallel since we have known each other. We really could be sisters. We have the same sense of humor, the same hair color, eye color. We have the same favorite color, taste in music, drinks, had the same weight loss surgeries, hell until I quit we even smoked the same brand of cigarettes. It has been said by some that we are so alike that it creeps people out. I have been there for her through a lot of really ruff patches in her life, and I always felt like she tried to be there for mine. She was the only person I invited when we adopted Kent, and she was there when Turtle was born. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Her youngest graduated from H.S. this past June, no call....

I turned 35, no call.....

Then a very important event came up that we were to attend together came and went last week, no Call.... I was left sitting here, she had the tickets.

I have emailed her and gotten no response, so I am not sure where I stand. If I am one thing, I am loyal to a fault when it comes to my friends. I love them like family, and will usually give them anything that they may need, whenever they need it.

Money, help moving, a shoulder to cry on, help hiding a body (ok not that much help), but honestly, I will do anything for someone I consider a friend. Just ask, and if I have it, it is yours. I don't usually even ask for anything in return. All I really want is for them to treat me with respect. Give me a heads up if I somehow manage to piss you off, don't just blend into the crowd and be mad, it isn't fair. I am loud, brassy, and VERY opinionated. That has a tendancy to get my ass into hot water with those who are shall I say, Not So Much like me.

That is not the case here. She just stopped. Everything. The last time we were together it was good times!!! Infact she was the one I went to the event with in June. Since then I haven't heard one word from her, and that just isn't like her.

I am scared to call her, because I don't want to know that we aren't friends anymore, it would break my heart. OK, actually it would smash it into a million pieces.

I miss you. If you are reading this, I love you, and no matter what you need to tell me what to do.

July 21, 2008


You know how it is, you work something up in your mind to the point where you may very well explode in a frenzy when the actual moment arrives.

I had thought since April when it was decided to try to add another member to the Infertile household, that I would just be overwhelmed with emotion when the time finally came for us to begin again.

Hmmm yeah well, it hasn't hit me nearly as hard as I thought it would, in fact, other then taking that stupid little pill every morning, I don't even think about it. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. I don't want to Not put the attention to detail into this cycle that I put into Turtle's, if I don't, and we fail, then it will forever be in my heart that I did something different and therefore, wrong this time.

Ahh, the mind F*ck continues for me even after a successful cycle.....

Try to pretend that you are normal. Your not. Sitting there in the restaurant, at the table next to yours, is the older retired couple that you noticed have been glancing your way since they were seated. Somehow they manage to overhear your "IVF workup really does suck" conversation (how could they not, I mean they are seated only millimeters from you). You saw them pointedly looking earlier. You know it isn't just because they saw the boys wheelchair. You get this look. A LOT. It's the wife this time who leans in and asks why the huge age difference in your kids. They then get to hear your son pipe up and joke about how it is because he is adopted, and you wanted one of your own to mess up from the begining. (He loves to tell people that, he is 16 after all, so the shock value is something he loves to aim for)

Wait for it....

Really, wait for it, it is coming...

Yep, they don't let me down.... I see it all over their faces, the pity, the curiosity. Geez, there is nothing in the world that I hate more then that look. I don't feel sorry for me, and I hate that other people do. I love the fact that I actually got to see Turtle when she was just one of our tiny little embryo's. I know exactly the day that my daughters life started. I know the struggle that went into getting to this place (you know the one where you are sitting there laughing hysterically because your babies face is covered with "cookie" and you really don't care if it gets all over her new outfit, or in her hair, because damn she is cute with that stuff smeared all over her face... don'tcha think??) Trust me she was!!!

I don't want people to pity me, I love the way I got here, and I can't wait to do it again, but this time I don't feel the urgency that I did before, and as I said, sometimes that worries me. I want this. I do. I really fear that I don't have the deep terror of failure in my heart anymore. I have what I was shooting for last cycle. I got what I went into that clinic to bring home. It all worked out in the end, and we are a family of four. I am not in the least worked up yet about shots or meds, U/S's or follie counts. I am not even worried about the FSH that got drawn the other day (that they should have called me about already... ok maybe there is the slightest hint of it....) It isn't like me at all to not be freaking out!! Anticipation used to be my drug of choice, I thrived on getting to the first moment, planning it all out to be perfect, freaking if it wasn't, and now it all just feels like a giant pain in the ass. An inconvenience I can count on to irritate the hell out of me.

I have an addiction of a different kind now.

I kissed Clark as we left the restaurant. I smiled at him, took a deep cleansing breath and I thought to myself....

I have the Turtle. My fiesty daughter. I love that little girl with all my heart and soul. If she is the one and only child I ever bear from my body, she is enough. She is more then enough.

July 17, 2008

6 months, It's a lifetime really

I cannot wrap my head around the fact that my girl is 6 months old today.

Where did all that time go??

There is such a difference in everything about her.

She is feisty, and very alert.

She is going through her stranger anxiety stage, which is a little irritating, because the screams and tears get really heartbreaking.

She is so much wonder in such a little person, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

She continues to make my heart grow with so much love I never thought possible.

How these little ones get under your skin and so deeply into your soul is beyond me.

I love everything about her, even the fact that she is totally stingy with her giggles, it makes them all the more special when I do get them.

I am amazed by her every single day, and I hope to keep being amazed for the rest of my life.

Back in the Battle!!!!

Thanks to everyone for checking up on me. It was pretty late when I got home last night, so I really just took care of the Turtles nightly refusal to go to bed, and then decided that I WASN'T going to refuse to go to bed, and hit the sack!!


My RE's office is an hour and a half from my house, in good traffic, and needless to say a 4 PM appointment, in a major downtown metropolitan area, didn't make for "good" traffic. In fact I had to be one of those Biotches we all love to hate, and drag the Turtle into the office with me because Clark got stuck in traffic just trying to get there... and he only works 10 minutes away!!! I was more then a little irritated, but what what was I going to do, leave her in the car??? Me thinks not!!

I had to do all of the paperwork since I was technically a "New" patient, and I actually asked them after I was done if they could put us back in one of the offices... just in case. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I would like to think that they got that.

Dr. B comes in right after Clark finally showed up, and we got down to business. We discussed my PG and delivery with the Turtle. She was concerned about the previa, and the partial abruption, and thinks that we need another saline sono to check the inside of the Ute... OUCH!!! I hated the last one, that is how we found out my tubes were blocked, so it wasn't fun!!! We talked about the pelvic pain I have been having, and she agreed with me that it was prolly the Endo again. She also was pretty upset with my PCP, and said that the discharge was prolly just hormonally induced, and he had no clue if he put me on that antibiotic with no proof of infection. She told me that she wanted to do an U/S to check the ovaries and Ute, and get some blood work to check my FSH, (she wants this to see how the old egg reserve is doing, and if we will need to up the F*listim), LH, thyroid, along with a few other things since it had been 2 months since my last AF, well and since I went and got 35, you know, OLD.

Ahh Cooter Cam how I missed thee, with your Tr*jan fleeced body, and your glistening gel... ok not really, but it sounded cute!! LOL

The ovaries are acting a fool, lots of cysts, and the left one seems to want to let everyone know it is there by being twice the size of the right one... damn ova-achiever that it is. The Ute, is as Dr. B put it "Beautiful", at least something in there is being pretty!! I thought that was funny since there was no lining, so she is just sitting there being quiet for now... just hanging out watching my ovaries make asses of themselves!! :o) There is some Endo in there that has calcified, but nothing she thinks we really need to worry about. It is however the most likely cause of all my pain and tenderness, so I told her the plan if we should get another Take Home Baby is to have it all scooped out after the fact anyway. She agreed.

The Plan---

Bloodwork- check

Birth control until I get AF ( I still find this hysterical everytime I put one of those pills in my mouth!!)-working on it.

Saline Sono on day 5 or so- Not happy about it, but will do when the time comes.

She is supposed to call me in the next day or so to let me know what the blood work says, so we will know where to go from there as far as meds go.

I will keep taking the BCP's into my next cycle and then start the Lupr*n since that worked really well for supression last time.

So, if all goes well, and things run smoothly (Yeah I said it what ya gonna do Jinx me??) I should be with child by the end of September. Ha!! Take that Universe!!!

Turtle wore this yesterday, and it was a real hit with the whole office!!

July 16, 2008

Awww, I got an award....

It means something along the lines of The Best, or Over the Top.. hmm not sure what that is supposed to mean, care to enlighten me Deb?? LOL I hope that it means something nice!! It did help to take my mind off the Hunger Strike!!! Thanks sweetie, I will have to think of 5 people to give it to though... geez the freaking pressure!!!

Stupid little Man

UGH, I swear to you that I really wonder how in the hell some of these people get a license to practice medicine. Before I tell you about the appointment with the PCP, let me tell you about the phone call I got from him Monday night.

Him: Returning your call about the UTI. How is it that you are SURE that you have a UTI??

Me: Well, they sell these home UTI tests at the drug store, and two of them so far have been positive.

Him: You mean to tell me they have home UTI tests now??

Me: Uh yeah, for a few years now..... they also have a Vaginal infection one that I took that also says something is up down there, so I need to see ya.

Him: Wow that is really interesting, I didn't know they made those.

Him: Well, maybe you should see your OB if you really think it is something serious like that.

Me: Well to tell you the TRUTH, your Co-pay is 15 bucks cheaper, not to mention the time and gas to get there, oh yeah and BTW, I tried that one already, they couldn't get me in for over a week, so you are it!!

At that point I began to seriously doubt the scope of this mans life experiences!! I mean you have got to be kidding me, you are a DOCTOR, and you didn't know they have all these home test kits out there?? Have you been living in a freaking bubble???? OMG!!!

Fast forward to my appointment....

I pee in a cup, then we go through all of my symptoms, and he is like totally dumbfounded.

Him: Well I suppose we should do a pelvic and see what we see..

Me: WE?? Who the fuck is we, you have a friend in your pocket?? (Yeah, yeah, I know the nurse, but it was the way he said it that heebed me out.)

Out he goes, and I get undressed, the whole time having to keep the Turtle occupied. He took so damn long that I had to get up, get dressed, and go pee.... frequent urination.... one of those pesky symptoms.

Finally he comes back in nurse in tow, and just about killed me when the speculum went in.... DAMN!!! Does the slides, then out comes the speculum, OMG, I think I just gave birth again...

Him: Oh wow did that hurt??

Me: Not really, but do you think you could help pick my ass up off the floor?? (OK, I didn't really say that, but geez dude, I cried out when you pulled it out, so do you think it freaking hurt???? (Oh man I just reread that, is it me or did that whole thought just sound wrong?? LOL he he he)) He totally man handled me doing the pelvic. It was the worst one I have had in my 35 years. That says a lot considereing I have prolly had 500 of those exams. Geez dude, I realize it isn't yours, but that doesn't mean you have to be mean to it!!!

Him: Ok let me go look at these and I will be back.

I get dressed, and sit there. He comes in and tells me this:

Him: Well, No UTI, no yeast infection, no vaginal infection period, unless of course you have chlamydia or gonorrhea, which I highly doubt, but I sent them off anyway. ( Ok, Jackass, they come back positive, and someone in this house is in for a murder rap... and yeah that would be me!!) I am sending your urine to be cultured to since there must be SOMETHING going on since your little tests said there was (and yeah he totally tried to bust out the sarcasm here, of course it could have been the fact that I brought them with me, showed them to him, and then asked him if he knew that they had home pregnancy tests now to!! Oh come on I couldn't NOT do it!!! LOL)

Him: So I am just going to give you a script for this antibiotic, it should cure all that ails you. I really think that you have some kind of pelvic infection though since you seem to be so tender down there.

HUH?? All that ails, me, but didn't you just say that nothing seems to be wrong, and tender yeah ya think, I have Endo... OK whatever enough said give me my script I am out the door. Off to T*rget to get the drugs. Score. About 200 bucks worth of stuff for the Turtle later (that girl is freaking spoiled I tell ya!!!) and we are out the door. Now since I have never taken this drug, I G**gle it.....


I cannot believe that the man gave me a script when he KNOWS I take Metf*rmin, and baby aspirin, both of which are contraindicated, not to mention the WSJ article that was just written about the dangers of it over the weekend... Damn!! Oh well I am just gonna talk to the RE about it this afternoon. Something tells me that the Endo is back and more then happy to see me..... DAMN. Please just pray that she doesn't tell me that I have to have surgery again, because that may very well be a deal breaker!!!!

I will update later!!

July 15, 2008

Hunger strike??

Turtle is trying to drive me crazy!!!

This has been going on for a few days, but is coming to a head this morning, well today. This girl has only had 6 ounces of formula since 4 AM. I tried to feed her some cereal with fruit, and her lips were pressed shut so hard she was turning purple from the effort. I just don't get it.

She slept for shit last night again, and to save Clark the ruff night, I took up residence on the couch. She hasn't wanted to nap at all today, finally got her to sleep on the couch just a few minutes ago, and I need to get in the shower so that I don't smell like a dead Yak when I go to the docs this afternoon. Now that she is asleep, I suppose that Kent can keep an eye on her!! Oh I so have got to tell you about the phone call that I had with my PCP yesterday when he called about my UTI... it is sad to tell you the truth!! But, I am off to the shower...

If you have any idea as to why this girl will not eat PLEASE let me in on it!!!!

July 14, 2008

You have to be kidding me....

Ok, so here I sit, 9:45 AM, and the Turtle is sleeping. "Oh great!!" you might think, right?? Naw, because I was up 22 times last night trying to settle her down and get her back to sleep. So, since I can't sleep after the sun comes up, here I sit staring at the computer, and wanting to wake that girl up, so that she doesn't want to stay up all night again!! LOL :o)

I think that the Tylenol every night before bed for her teeth, might be doing this by keeping her up! Whatever it is, it has to stop, I cannot go on with this little amount of sleep. Ugh!!

So mommy has developed a UTI that makes Endo look wimpy!! I took a home test, and that strip turned the prettiest color of purple!! That means there is blood in my urine, go figure. I thought the pain was AF coming to visit... LOL my body feels like a stranger to me again. A few weeks back, I thought the pain felt strangely like the pains I had when I was PG with Turtle, and found out that my ovary was scarred to my ute. So I tested... Negatory. So Then I was pretty sure I had a yeast infection, so I treated that. Nope wrong again. So, now this. I called the doc this AM, no reason to pay a copay if I don't have to, but oh I so totally think she is going to call me back and tell me he wants me to come in!! Crap I already have to make that long ass drive 4 times in the next week and a half... damn I really wish my body would get it together already!! LOL

July 10, 2008


It is 8:30 AM here in the Infertile house, and nary a peep has been heard form the amazing Turtle, since 8 PM last night.

Dare I hope and pray that my nights will continue to be this peaceful??

Nope, I won't do it, you can't make me...

I knocked on wood... well does press board count?? I mean it is wood in a shaped form right??? It was a tree when it started out right???

I know she needs them to eat, but geez I hate teeth!!!

Well, I guess I can enjoy my coffee in a relative peace this AM (to me this means not wearing it after little miss has tried to steal my mug, ever so effectively making me look like a total slob!!

Oh well what is a person to do, she must already LOVE caffeine!!! Actually it is the bright colors that get her, not to mention that everything in arms reach is now HERS!!!!!!!!

Who knew breathing felt so damn good!! :o) I have to enjoy this before the Boa Constrictor that is an IVF cycle starts again!!

July 9, 2008

Nothing is easy.....

When it comes to dealing with WeSuck.

I got THE call today.

We are approved for one IVF cycle with meds @ 50/50.

The catch??

I have to have egg retrieval by the 3rd of September or they pull the 50/50 and we pay the full amount on our own!! HUH?? I mean do they even have a clue how this works??? It isn't like you can plan this game down to the day for crying out loud. GAH!!! How in the hell did they come up with that date?? I am thinking it was because the request was received on the 3rd of July, so they must give you 2 months to the day. I don't know, I only hope like hell that we can get in under the line!!

So, I called and got the next appointment with Dr. B for next Wednesday @ 4 PM. There are a few things I need to ask about and clarify before we get this show on the road. I mainly need to know if we are going to have to repeat all of the testing that we did last time, if so I am going to have to get freaking busy. So much to do and so little time.

So, I am sitting here relieved, yet scared out of my mind. I know this game. I have done this before. However, I feel like I am reentering shark infested waters after the chum has been tossed overboard. Am I testing waters that are better off left alone?? Should I just walk away while the walking is good?? I don't want to. I am terrified though, and that colors my desire. I have my Turtle, and I can't imagine not having her. I know the love, the deep soul warming love that she has brought me. I want more, but I know how wrong things can go. I am more aware of it now then I was when I was PG with the Turtle. For some reason, I never thought about not having a take home baby at the end of my pregnancy. Our pregnancy was a struggle, but somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I just KNEW she was going to be here with us. Now though with all of the losses around the blogosphere, I have hit a state of almost perpetual fear that should I 1) Manage to make it through this cycle, and 2) End up PG...... something horrible is going to happen. I think the reason I feel this way is because now that I do have Turtle, I cannot imagine not having another successful pregnancy. I would/will fall apart with a worst case scenario. I keep thinking that Turtle needs her mommy. I need her. Unfortunately(maybe??), I also still feel like I have love in my heart for more babies. If that is how this thing is destined to work out I will try to be OK with that because I know don't want to look back 10 years from now, having thrown in the towel, and hate myself for not having the guts to roll the dice.

So, here We go again...............

July 8, 2008

The Blame Game

The fax machine ate my authorization......

or so the story goes.

Sounds like a middle school homework excuse no?? Yeah. Well, that was the one that I got when I finally got it up to call the clinic yesterday.

I had waited ever so patiently for the call to come in last Monday as promised, and it didn't. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday. Well, you know Friday she wouldn't have been in the office. So, I called at 4:30 yesterday, and got right through to her. I asked how she was doing, and told her I was sorry about her dad. I then told her that I wasn't trying to be a pain in the ass, but my clock was ticking!!!! She told me that she had faxed my request before she had gone out on leave, and then when she got back last week she noticed that nothing had come back from WeSuck yet, so she called them.

Wait for it........

WeSuck never got the fax, or so they say.

Hard telling, but she did let me know that she had re faxed everything to them on Thursday afternoon, and that I should have an answer one way or the other in the next day or so. Yeah I am holding my breath. WeSuck is called that for a reason.

The Turtle made it a little easy to forget about all that waiting, as the poor little thing was just downright miserable all last week. I ended up taking her to the Ped. twice. Monday they looked her over and said there was still a little infection in her ear, but nothing to keep her getting the low grade fevers that she had been having. So, we gave urine and blood, all to not, because they called and said that the tests showed nothing. They did however give us more antibiotics just in case it was the ear that was still doing all this. By, Thursday morning my happy little baby wasn't so happy, and she kept getting worse. She started projectile vomiting around noon, so I called the doc again. Bring her back tonight. We go back, the doc we see this time tells me that the blood work indicates that she is fighting something, most likely a virus (the same blood work that showed nothing on Monday mind you). So we think that the combo of the ears, a virus, and the teeth were just pushing her to the edge, then we added the strong antibiotic, and boom she fell over. Poor baby hasn't slept through the night in weeks, and she is as tired and cranky as her mommy feels!! Today was really bad as I think she is getting her top teeth now, so she was up all day... yeah no nap... UGH. I feel so bad that she has to go through this, and I want so much to comfort her and take away the pain.

Oh get this, the Turtle started sitting up on her own on the 3rd...... I know already, I can't believe it either!!! It feels like just yesterday I was holding her for the first time, and it has really been almost 6 months. Where has the time gone?? She has done so much changing and growing. I am sad that it went so fast, and I feel like I missed something. I was here for all of it, but it just still doesn't feel real. Even after all these months I find myself holding my breath as I walk into her room, almost expecting the crib to be empty. Thankful, and able to let out that breath when it isn't!! Oh what a ride having this little girl has been!!! I honestly can't wait to get the show on the road again. I want to make some of these same memories with one of Turtles little brothers or sisters.

I will be holding my breath for WeSuck..... OK, not really, but I am waiting.....