October 31, 2008

I should have Known Better

I expected to get nastiness.

I really thought one person would at the very least wag a finger at me.

I think I am more horrible then all of you do.

Strange.

You Internets have let me down.

You let me off the hook way easier then I let myself apparently.

I jest.

I am drinking my weekend glass of wine and trying to be witty after the last 2 weeks of hell. I am worried about so many things right now...

We have a very sick pet... my oldest mini Doxie. Little Man will be 10 this spring, and he has been having issues off an on over the last few years with his back. I thought I was going to have to put him to sleep this week, but he stunned both the vet and I with his rebound..... I think he is trying to give his mommy a damn heart attack.... like I don't have enough shit to worry about right now.

I seriously cannot thank you all enough though for the support. I have been trying to let things out more, but have this fear that you all will think I am a freak.... LOL go figure right.... so tonight Clark and I were joking about the pill thing from last week, and all the positive comments that I got, and he pulled out a shirt that I got at a concert this summer.....


LOL, but I do, it is funny, if the thoughts or comments are negative I don't really give a damn what people think, but when I get the outpouring of love and hugs that you all have given me over the last few days, I get very overwhelmed. I am not used to people standing next to me when things get bad... well except for Clark and a small circle of select others. So having you each step up and give me a virtual hug, and let me know that I am not alone in these fights has overwhelmed me and made me feel so very special.

The decisions that have to be made with Kent are hard... harder then any I have ever had to make with/for him.

I only want him to be healthy.

Alive.

I know that as a 17 year old boy he cannot understand.

I fear the resentment that will come.

I cannot let him down either though, and to turn a blind eye and just accept this behavior would be letting him down.

So, I guess I want you all to know that I have a piece of each of you in my heart as we go forward with things, and I couldn't be more grateful for the friends that you have all become... even if you are out there silently lending me your good thoughts and prayers.

My strength.

My Friends.

Thank you from the bottom of my very, very humbled heart.

9 comments:

momofonefornow said...

Ahhh, we love you too.

I have a mini dox too. He is a long-haired and, quite frankly, he is a little less mini than I expected but I love him much. I hope yours stays well.

Rhonda said...

Anytime my friend. Anytime.

You may also rest assured that I feel comfortable enough with you to send a virtual ass-kick if it sounds needed! lol

I'm still waiting for that opportunity .... lol

"That" MK lady said...

xoxo

tesi said...

I gotta stay updated ...or check in more often.
The old Dr...well he certainly needs a rocket up his royal wazoo....what an idiot the fact that you called him for help and he blew you off makes him a candidate for total tool of the year. Having said that thank god you called Clark that alone should show you in a million ways how worthy you are to be a parent to both your kids...you identified your weakness at that particular moment in time and you called for help.
I wish you strength with your ongoing Kent issues....I dont care what anyone says.....I know how much you love him and how all this is tearing you to peices.....I hope he finds his way soon....for both your sakes.
And Miss Turtle...well she is gonna love you regardles....till she is a teenager...then we can both live in the purgatory our teen grls wish upon us :-)
Much love to you.....you are a Goddess....like me!!!
Tesi

Susan said...

The internet community can be amazing to us, can't it? I think it was Kyddryn at Shade and Sweetwater who commented to me once, "We may be a community of strangers but we ARE a community." Amen.

poison ivy said...

Yes, sweetie, you are dearly loved and held in warm regards.
xoxoxox

Just Me. said...

Love you tooo...

You had me at hello!!!

(((hugs)))

Soxy Deb said...

We're here for you.

Lost in Space said...

Just sending more hugs, Rebel. We're here for you.