October 16, 2008


I know it has been a few days.

Things here have been hectic.

I have been putting pics up at Fruits every few days.

I am really having a hard time sorting my feelings out, and coming to peace in my heart right now.

Clark knows something is up, I have been cleaning the hell out of everything.

Tomorrow Turtle will be 9 months old.

I would be 6w4days pregnant if Cream and Wheat had stuck around.... or should I say if my body had given them a chance at life.

Yesterday was not a good day for me.

It was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Even though I am sure to some it would seem that my embies weren't really a Loss, they are to me, and I forever will hold them in my heart.

Bambi & Thumper
January 07

Starsky or Hutch (one became the Turtle)
June 07

Cream and Wheat
September 08


5 little lives that never will be.

5 little lives that started, and ended in such a short time.

5 little lives that have totally changed mine.

5 little lives that will forever be in my heart.

1 little girl who is so amazing it hurts my heart when she smiles!!

So I will go back to Sorting now........


A Decade of BFNs said...


Deb said...

I am sorry and I know that all of your losses are real. I hope you can get to a better place soon. I hate to hear you struggle so.


momofonefornow said...

I am a sorter as well. When things seem to got to shit I dig in and clean like a crazy lady. Well, I used to, until school took up so much of my time that my house looks like a rats nest. Ah, a worry for another day.

I am so sad that this time didn't work out. I am sending huge hugs and if I had your address I might even send you a huge bottle of liquor, just to numb up a bit. Hang in there and if you run out of things to sort fly into KC and I can give you an entire house full of crap that needs to be sorted. (((hugs)))

Aunt Becky said...


Kristin said...

Lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}} my friend.

Lost in Space said...

Huge hugs, Rebel. I completely understand those losses. Our 8 embryos are the closest we have ever come to getting this thing right and they are real losses to me too.

Hang in there and keep on processing. Much love.

Susan said...

Rebel, I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you.

Joe + Kim + 5 said...

I haven't read your blog except for this post and it has me in tears. I feel the same about our sutuation. Funny how you can really miss and mourn something you didn't quite really have yet. The crazy part is noone except for us women that have gone through infertility have an idea at the loss we have experienced.
Your little girls is beautiful. It makes me smile all the way from the inside. I look at my children and the 3 new lives we have and I am truly amazed at the complete joy I feel. Happy 9 months!