October 30, 2008

And the other Drama Is......


My 17 year old son who has decided apparently to completely lose his mind.

As I have to be careful with what identifying info I give out, I can tell you that Kent is special needs. Not because of his brain but because of his body. He had cancer when he was very young, and the tumor paralyzed him from the mid chest down. Due to this paralysis he has several medical conditions that require CONSTANT monitoring.

We have pushed him to be more in charge of his own care, and have had to resort to such penalties for not making the right choices, like taking away video games, TV, movies, time away with friends.... all the stuff a teen loves to do. He hasn't played video games (except for special occasions) for almost 3 years.

Still he continues to resist even the slightest hint of personal responsibility. He will be 18 in less then a year, and legally able to leave my house. Nothing I can do about it. If I told you he was even close to being able to take care of himself, would be lying to every single one of you.

This Boy has not brushed his teeth, washed his face, or combed his hair in over a week.

He is on several prescription medications which he hasn't taken on a regular basis for weeks. Not taking these drugs could kill him.

He has a procedure that he MUST perform several times a day that allows him to urinate. This has to be a "clean" procedure, yet I have not seen his hand soap or sanitizer move from it's current place in almost a week. He also has to sanitize the equipment that he uses every time he does this, but he only does it half assed at best. This behavior could cause him to get an infection that could very well kill him.

He has "Diabetic" skin, and need to be elevating his feet. He doesn't. He has gotten a pressure sore on his foot that we have been trying to heal for almost a year. Every time we get it right there, he does something slack and it breaks down again. An infection in his foot could cause him to lose his leg, or his life.

He is supposed to spend at least an hour a day "Standing" up in his stander. He hasn't done this on a consistent basis since May. I even cancelled the newspaper because we required him to be in his stander to read it.

Therapy you ask?? Done it. He refuses to talk. He will sit there and literally make up lies about the things that happen in the house to the point where I end up spending more time with the doc then he does.

I am scared for him.

Next year when he can leave, if he does, I know where he will go. He doesn't have a chance in hell of making a life worth anything if he does. Everything I have done for him in the last almost 7 years, has been to ready him for adulthood. We used to make such progress, and yes I know he is 17, and a male, but it just seems like he doesn't care about himself or any of us even to take good care of himself.

The Cancer almost killed him. Now I am afraid that he is going to kill himself.

It has been discussed that it may be time for some type of serious intervention.

The residential kind.

I was in a group homes as a kid, and they were ok, but Kent and I don't have the same issues.

So I hesitate, because I don't want him to hate me for basically sending him away. I know he will think it is because of the Turtle, but in all honesty, I don't feel like I can help him anymore then I have.

I love him. Deeply.

I have fought to keep him alive.

I fought to adopt him and give him a home where he could feel safe and loved.

So why do I feel like I just keep getting sucker punched right in the face every time I look at him??

I want to watch him grow up. Go off to college. Get married. Have babies of his own.

I just wish he wanted it as much as I do.


Dora said...

Oh, sweetie! That's so hard. All I can think to say is that the medical stuff is serious, and you need to do whatever is necessary in this time you have before he turns 18. Use your parental control while you still have it. It will probably be awful emotionally for everyone. We're here to listen.

Rhonda said...

I have no words of advice.

Just hugs.

And I'll call him a little bugger if that'll help....

momofonefornow said...

God Rebel. when it rains it freaking pours! I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. I am prayong for you and your family. (((hugs)))

DrSavta said...

It sounds like he needs more intervention than any single person or family can give. Sending him to a place that will help him stay alive, even if he resents it, will at least allow him to make more rational decisions once he is no longer the rebellious teen.

Dr. Rona Michelson
Marriage and Family Therapist

Tracey said...

I support whatever your decisions are....I like the residential home...maybe without you there he would feel more independant....Your right at some point they have to take care of themselves and it isn't easy letting go...healthy or not!! God Bless!!!

Susan said...

My God, woman! You certainly have enough on your plate. The residential program might indeed allow him some independence while letting you off the hook as the bad guy. Whatever you decide, save a copy of that post for him to read at some point.

Kristin said...

Oh Rebel...my heart aches for you. It is so hard. Kids have to be allowed to make mistakes as they grow up but, for Kent, his mistakes could be deadly. Prayers for you and your family.

Aunt Becky said...

Rebel, holy crap. Wow. I'm sending you love and strength. I can't imagine what you're going through.

deanna said...

What an incredibly difficult situation! I'm sure one day he will appreciate all of your efforts, but it sounds like he is in a very sad place right now and really needs the extra help you described.

Wishing you strength through this difficult time. *hugs*

Erin said...

That sounds incredibly painful for all of you. Has Kent ever been diagnosed with depression? I don't even remember if you said he has or not, but it sounds so much like signs of depression. Have you talked about it with him yet? It sounds like you've discussed it between you and Clark, and maybe Kent's doctor. Kent has so many challenges that he's facing--maybe he's scared that if he seems like he can take care of himself, you'll expect him to leave and do so? I don't know, and am just completely guessing.

Parents want so much to see their kids succeed. I wish yours wanted it as much as you do as well.

Soxy Deb said...

All we can do as parents is to teach them and let them make their own mistakes. But this situation is so different from the typical teach them and let them go rules. This is trying to protect him from serious harm. You have to do what you feel is the best thing to keep him safe Reb. That's tough.

margi said...

I have a 17 year old, no special needs, just a normal boy, he doesn't comb his hair or brush his teeth either, unless forced.... Maybe He's more normal than you thought.

Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry, Rebel. I wish I knew what to say or do to bring you some comfort. It sounds so typical of a boy of this age, but Kent is not typical and needs the special care. Do you think he could be doing these things just to be more like the other guys his age? Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say. Keep talking, my friend. We are here listening.

Rachel Inbar said...

I completely understand the frustration and fear. I am going through something similar with my son, though not on the same level, and my husband (not his father) is right there with me, doing everything we can to help him help himself become who he can and should be. I hope it doesn't come to a point where we can't have him at home, but the thought has occurred to me.

I agree with DrSavta (who happens to be my very clever mom)