October 1, 2008

The Verdict

Well, the InfertileMadWoman's body pulls a new one out of her Bag of Tricks..........

Beta- Negative (Bad)
Estrogen- Very high (Good)
P4(Progesterone)- 2.6 (VERY FREAKING BAD)

Apparently my P4 level wasn't high enough to support a gnat pregnancy much less two healthy, wonderful, perfect, 8 cell embryos. The kicker.... I was on progesterone suppositories!! So once again, my body has figured out how to keep itself from getting knocked up... this bitch is certainly getting creative!!

After I went in this AM for the Beta, (I so totally had to take the Turtle with me as Clark's office has informed him they are not a daycare, and all the cuteness that Turtle exudes has been distracting the workers, WTF??)(Oh and I was half way there when he called to tell me that, so I had no choice but to take her in to the clinic with me... I swear I tried to make it painless!!)......

Dr. OvaryWhisperer called me personally and told me the results. She sounded more devastated then I did, but then I had cried just about all the tears my eyes would allow on my way there this morning in the car. She said that she was STUNNED that my P4 was so low, so from here on out, should we cycle again, I get to stab myself one extra time a day with a ReallyBigFreakingNeedle right in the, well intra-muscularly. Ha, Take that LittleMissSmartyPants Body!! Just freaking Dandy!!

Dr. OvaryWhisperer told me that she had actually commented to one of the other docs last Thursday that she was a little worried that she had not heard from me, as she just KNEW I would have hyperstimulated if I had gotten pregnant. I told her not to worry that I knew Friday morning, and had spent the weekend bawling and trying to convince Clark that the fat lady had a turkey leg shoved in her mouth and wasn't going to bother singing, so it was OVER.

(Gotta love that man, he hung on to the bitter end telling me to hold out Hope.... I reminded him that she had become part of the yard when I ran her beaten, sorry, ass over as I left the house this morning, so there!!)

Dr. OvaryWhisperer told me that it was time for a Hysteroscopy.... Ewwww.... and I reluctantly agreed. My body is trying to tell us something, and there is no point even thinking about our SnowBabies if the old Ute isn't in tip top shape. Oh, and on that note we ended up with these frozen ones:

7cell grade4 day 3 embie (good)
5 or 6 cell grade2 day 3 embie (ok)
5cell grade2 day 2 embie (good)
2cell grade3 day 2 embie (so so)

The reason we have day 2 and 3 embies is because they managed to mature 3 eggs over night, and fertilize them on the day after they were retrieved. Dr. OvaryWhisperer feels confident that should we be able to transfer, if they thaw, at least one of them would make a baby. I love her optimism. I guess one of us has to have some right??

So, I need the Hysteroscopy before we can even decide what direction this trip is going to take. It will be ASAP, WeSuckInsCo has to approve the surgery before we can move ahead. I am getting very tired of every road managing to force us into some side street.

I actually had packed up all of my spare meds, needles, and the infamous "Mrs. Murphy" t-shirt, was going to give them to IVFNurse, and was going to tell Dr. OvaryWhisperer to forget about renting a Whinney that I was done with the grand adventure. This shit is eating at my soul.

Clark looked at me over lunch today, and said to me...

"I just don't want you to miss out on the Turtle because you are so wrapped up in having another baby. Have you seen how amazing she has become in the last week??"

"Yes dear, I have."


Tracey said...

SO SO SORRY! GOD BLESS! Prayers your way!

Rhonda said...

Still hugging you. Can you feel it?

Just Me. said...

HUGS. *not letting go*

Kristin said...

Rebel...I am so damned sorry. Lots and lots of {{{{Hugs}}}} and prayers coming your way.

Erin said...

Same here--more hugs, because you certainly need them. What a roller coaster. I hope the hysteroscopy is as painless as possible.

poison ivy said...

(((big hugs)))
If you do another cycle, I will be glad to paint a bullseye on your behind so dh knows where to poke you!
(((big hugs)))

Deb said...

I hear your pain. I'm so sorry there is nothing i can do to make it go away. {{HUGS}}

Aunt Becky said...

Oh sweet Rebel. I'm so sorry. I'm so damn sorry. Shit. Shit.

A Decade of BFNs said...

SUCKS!!!!!! I hope the extra progesterone does the trick for you.

Samantha said...

{{Hugs to you}}

It's so hard.