October 8, 2008

Tentative Movements

I saw Dr. OvaryWhisperer today, and we talked about quite a few things.

First off, my estrogen wasn't as good as she thought it was at first glance, the final number was lower then expected, 108, that is bad.

The progesterone is a very concerning issue. I will be on injections when we go again.
I cannot begin to tell you the Glee that Clark gets on his face when he talks about how he will get to give me these shots.... I think he is plotting my demise.... He told Dr. OvaryWhiperer he has always wanted to be a Big Game Hunter....

In his best Steve Erwin voice..

"We have to sneak up on the Great Fat Rhino very quietly so that she doesn't suspect that she is about to get a HUGE dart in her ass!!!"

Seriously guys, he told her that.


She thinks that I may have actually ovulated on my own before the retrieval, so suppression will be a big deal for any future cycles.

She really thinks that our SnowBabies will thaw just fine, and at least 2 of them looked good enough before freezing to get me pregnant (ha).

I asked her about the fact that we got 26 eggs, and had such crappy fertilization. She looked up the report, and even after ICSI 15 of the eggs never got 2 polar bodies. She explained that even though they looked mature, they acted immature (Uh yeah leave it to my eggs to pull this one huh??!!) I asked if it had anything to do with Clark's boys, and she said that no I couldn't blame this one on him either... that sucks, I still get to be the only broken one :o( My eggs are shit now to. She thinks that we really just need to SLOW way down with the stims because we are getting high numbers of eggs, but the quality is crap.

I have to tell you all that I love Dr. OvaryWhisperer. (Actually, I really love my whole clinic, everyone has been so great since the first time I went there, and I just think they are all awesome for the great job that they do!!)When I went into her office, she got up and gave me the biggest hug, you could see the hurt on her face for me. She really cares about her patients, and I cannot even imagine the stress that she feels when we have setbacks like this. I couldn't do her job!! She is really just amazing, and I know that if she wasn't my doctor, she would be and is my friend. She was so sweet when we were done, she told me to just think about everything and decide after surgery what we wanted to do. I told her that I had already been THINKING for over a week, and I knew what we were going to do.

I need to cycle again, to get the Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda, and WhatIf's out of my mind. If I don't try again it will eat me up, I just know it will.

I have to admit the deciding factor was my grandmother telling me that I shouldn't give up, that if I really wanted another baby, then I had better not give up. She told me that I deserve to keep fighting after all that we had been through, and that she totally needed at least one more Great Grand Child from me!! Of course the last part she was teasing, but she is right. I have wanted this for so long, and Turtle turned out great (so far, come back when she is 16 and see if I still feel that way!!) so I really want to give this another shot.

So, I am going ahead with the hysteroscopy just to see if there is any reason what so ever that the Ute cannot be trusted. We can combat the low levels with supplements, but a bad Ute makes for more failed cycles. We don't think there is anything wrong in there, but as she stated it doesn't hurt to look, and with the lining issue that cropped up over the summer then she would rather be safe then sorry. There is also the possibility that having Turtle changed some things in there, so all in all, I was really understanding of why she wants to do this after we talked. She is mostly going to look, and if I need to have a D&C or anything like that she is going to do it, but really she just wants to look. I told her I wanted picture proof that everything is ok, and she just laughed at me!! I do hope that she knows I wasn't joking.

November 6th is surgery, and if all is well after that we are going to do another fresh cycle. My insurance co-pay for a fresh cycle is almost the cost of a frozen cycle, and since WeSuck doesn't cover frozen cycles, then I would rather take the chance at getting some better, fresh embies, and save the frozen guys for the HailMary if we need them.

Now I can start worrying about what kind of evil things are lurking in my Ute!!! Ahhhh something new to consume my mind!! LOL


Tracey said...

Don't know what to say....huggs and prayers....

Kristin said...

Lots of {{{hugs}}} and prayers. You know I'm pulling hard for you.

Mandy and Russel said...

I think cycling again is a great thing! It is what your heart wants and needs. I think no matter the outcome it will bring peace to you. You're so lucky that your insurance covers anything, ours didn't. I agree, if you can do a fresh cycle for the price of an FET go for it!!

Good Luck!!

Deb said...

I'm gonna try to think positive for you. I just can't imagine you having anything else to seal with, it just doesn't seem right.

And tell Steve-o there, that what goes around comes around. SO be gentle.

Dora said...

Sounds like a plan! I'm so glad your dr is so caring. That helps so much!

I'm rooting for you!

SAHW said...

It's good to have a plan, and I am sure that is making you feel better. I'm also so glad you have such a great doctor and clinic, my doctor was very not personable, but thank God her secretary was awesome, so I had some support at least - it really makes a difference. Rooting for you. :)

Just Me. said...

If it's what you want, you should go ahead with it. If it means giving you the peace you need, I'm behind you all the way.


Aunt Becky said...

I love the positive steps, Rebel. And I have a good feeling about all of this.

Lost in Space said...

Huge hugs, Rebel. I'm so sorry I haven't been around to support you through this last cycle. I wish I knew the right words to make it all better.

Your plan sounds like a good one. As long as you follow your heart, I don't think you can go wrong. You are making great strides moving forward. Much love.