November 29, 2008

That couldn't have hurt More


What a mess I have created.

Our old adoption worker from DSS said that now would be a good time to try to get Kent back in touch with his birth family.

She told me that they had noticed that kids who have some form of contact before 18 tend to stay at home with the adoptive family. Also that if things go to shit with them then he can see that we are in fact here for him, before he has a legal right to leave our house.

I thought it over.

Seemed like a good idea.

Made sense.

So, yesterday I broached the subject with him about getting in touch with his family. I figured with it being the holidays, it might make him more receptive to the idea, and them to him if he called.

I couldn't have screwed up worse.

Do you think I thought to look to see if the one person I KNEW he would want to call? The one person who really mattered the most. The one person whose phone number he had memorized, and called.


His grandmother.

She passed away over a year ago, and he sat right here next to me as I accidentally pulled up her obituary.

God, I am stupid.

Don't ask me why I didn't think to look up some of this stuff before I even opened my mouth, but I really didn't think that she would be gone.

He left my side and went in his room to cry. I followed him, and hugged him harder then I ever have. He looked at me with tears streaming down his face and said....

"It's not even that she is gone that hurts me the most, it is that they didn't let me know that she was gone that is hurting me the most. She was the only one that always made sure we were always ok."

It actually pissed me off, because he is right. His father KNOWS where he is. The family could have contacted DSS and they would have gotten in touch with us. There was no reason for them not to get a message to Kent. It makes me angry for him.

I feel like crap for the way that it went down, but now I have started searching for them so that he can speak to them. He can take it from there.

I didn't think that I was going to break his heart, and now I have to try to fix it.


Dora said...

OMG! How awful. Poor boy.

Oh, sweetie! You couldn't have known. You'll make this as right as you can. I'm angry at them right along with you!

Hugs to you, and give Kent a hug from me. (You don't have to tell him it's from an internet "stranger.")

Kahla said...

Oh, that is just awful. Hugs to you both, I can't imagine.

Kristin said...

Oh honey...this is so not your fault. You are a decent person and decent people can't imagine not notifying loved ones of deaths. You could not have known. Lots of hugs and prayers to you and Kent.

Lost in Space said...

Huge hugs to you both. You couldn't have known and the hurt Kent is feeling about not being contacted would be there no matter how he found out right now. I'm so sorry.

Rhonda said...

Oh, the poor kid!

Tracey said...

I am so sorry...I will keep him in my prayers. This is not your were trying to help.

Susan said...

You didn't do this to Kent. You simply tried to do what would make him happy - because you are obviously the one who loves him. None of us at seventeen recognize those who love and treasure us the most. He will realize it eventually, love, he will. You are so totally amazing.

Erin said...

Poor baby. I can only imagine how painful that was for both of you. Don't beat yourself up over it. You were being a loving and caring mom who wanted to help her son. That's all. It's completely not something you did to him.