So, Turtle is laying in the middle of the living room floor right now doing everything she can to get that short little body of hers to roll over... it is so damn cute I tell you. As I was watching her I thought about how it is fitting at this moment that we call her Turtle, because that is what she looks like right now... a turtle on its back trying to right itself!!
I have been pondering our journey the last few days, and there have been some posts out here in blog land that have gotten me to thinking a lot about Infertility, pregnancy, and the ones that we "leave behind" when we get that "Golden Ticket". You know we don't want to leave you there, and I am sure that given the chance most of us would take all the other infertiles we could stuff in our pockets with us if we could. Sadly enough life just doesn't work like that.
I was on the other side of that ticket for almost 15 years. I watched the 14 year old neighbor get knocked up, twice. I watched all of the cousins and other family members my age grow their families one by one. I watched most of my friends have their dreams fulfilled. I watched as everyone around me got the one thing that I so desperately wanted, and it killed me inside. I was depressed most of the time, and didn't even want to get out of bed most days!!! The tears that endlessly flowed, could have drowned a small country if put together and dumped out all at once. Desperation. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Denial. All real feelings. The heartbreak is unreal, I know it is, I Know how it feels.
So, I guess that is why I get a little peeved when another infertile brings up the fact that it pisses them off when those of us who get the "Ticket" complain about being pregnant. I remember thinking I would kill to be in those shoes, and how it drove me nuts when women complained about being pregnant, it is a slap in the face, I know. However, now having been in those shoes, I think that we also need to look at what the new "Ticket Holder" is going through. We already know that for the most part they have been through hell just to get the Ticket. For most of us getting there is only half the battle, unfortunately. So then you see we get all kinds of things heaped on the Ticket, and it seems to become a "Conditional Ticket". There are the multiple pregnancies, the Placenta Previa's, HELLP, IUGR, bed rest.... frankly I could go on forever with all that can go wrong, and in some cases does. Some make it out alive, so to speak, and some don't. Some go on to have babies that spend days, weeks, or even months in the NICU. Some end up with special needs children. Some end up with no child at all. It sucks. It. Really. Fucking. Sucks. I hate IF more then anything ever, and that says a lot with this being an election year.
Just as we MUST rally around those in the trenches. We MUST also rally around those holding the Ticket, because what happens when it is your turn to hold, and God forbid something goes wrong, who will you turn to?? Who will "hold your hand" and tell you everything is going to work out? Who is going to catch you when you trip or fall? Who will be there to help you pick up the pieces? Who will rejoice when all goes well, and you make it out alive?? The IF World that is who. Proof Positive is out there, in more ways then one. We, as they say, can do more united then divided.
So, I leave you with this thought...
Infertilies are like Turtles laying on their backs in the middle of the road... Just because you manage to right yourself, doesn't mean there isn't a truck coming around the corner to run your ass over.
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