Had to add this....

Ok... I decided to add to this tonight, just because I can.... I have officially decided that I HATE Spring. It has become a bain to my existance. It stands for renewal. It stands for rebirth. It stands for birth. So, that is why I hate it... everything is new in the spring. 4 of my friends are due in May, and 2 in June, and it makes me sad. Happy for them, but sad for me. The birds are laying eggs in my bird house, and I saw 2 baby rabbits in the field this morning. Puppies, Kittens, even the plants are reproducing with thier blooms. So, I have decided that Summer will be the new favorite season from now on. I am sick of seeing all the freshness around me as of right this minute, and as sad as that makes me, could be that I am just having a bitter flash and hopefully I can get over it? Somehow I am not sure that I can. How fair is that?? I haven't figured that one out yet either!! Probably not to fair to the people in my life who love me the most, but that is how my heart feels, and tonight it is very heavy with anger. I don't think that it is desperation, but it may border on it since that finger has been pointed at me more then once just in the last week or so, but mostly I think it is anger. My ovaries are there, but they serve no purpose. My uterus must have a worn out vacancy notice permanantly attached to my cervix, barring occupants from even thinking about stopping in for a 9 month extended stay. Damn tattered signs are bad for business. Good lord I never thought I would see the day when I hated spring, but today was that day.... Pathetic I tell you, sad and irritating to say the least!! I cannot for the life of me get past the anger and resentment I have for my own body.. it lets me down all the time, and that just pisses me off. It is a control thing I know, but this is the one thing I WANT control of. I want to be that woman who "accidentally" gets knocked up, that kind of loss of control I can handle, but my body is betraying me, and it PISSES me off to no end!! I cannot understand if this is punishment for some past transgression that I have no clue that I made, the Karma thing ya know, or if this is just how I was supposed to be living this time around. A lot of people throw at me that if I had been fertile Kent might not be with us, and that bears truth I suppose, but I still don't find the fairness in it. Yeah, Yeah I know LIFE isn't Fair, but shit how much unfairness should one person have to shoulder?? I have shouldered a lot of it in my life, and usually come out of it just fine, but I can't help but thinking that this is one battle that I am NOT going to win. Maybe I should just give up, and accept that I have lost......