June 29, 2008

Nightmare

**Note to self** Lay off the damn ice cream before bed!!

I can't tell if it was the week I had dealing with the RE's office or what, but I had one of the most horrible dreams I have ever had last night....

I suddenly found myself pregnant, and I was obviously beside myself with joy. The dream went on for a bit really nice, and then all of a sudden I was at an office and there was a doctor telling me that I would have to deliver my baby early. I knew that it was just way to soon and that the baby would never make it. I went home and the next thing I knew I actually delivered the baby there. Whoever it was that delivered her handed her to me, and she was so small and yet perfectly formed. I just sat staring and held her in the palm of my hand. The terrible part of holding her was that she was so tiny, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to save her. She just kept breathing and moving for hours it seemed. When she finally stopped I put her inside either a bag or a bottle, and put her in my pocket. I kept dreaming some weird stuff I hardly remember, but through the night, even in different dreams I would pull her out of my pocket and see if she had come back to life yet. I even lost her somehow once, and freaked out screaming and searching all over like a madwoman until we found her and I got her back in my hands... when I looked at her that time she was dried all up, that was the last time I saw her before I woke up.

I don't know why, but that dream really made my heart break in so many different ways when I remember it this morning. Even though it wasn't real, it scared the hell out of me!! I am sure that there are many different opinions on what it was about, and I have ventured a few, but all I know is that I must really need to work somethings through in my mind before we cycle again... geez!!!


2 comments:

Deb said...

girl that sounds horrible. i hate those dreams. its like you wake up thinking it was real and cant catch your breathe for trying to peel through the fear. ugh!
you DO need to think a few things through though for sure - so if you need me to watch the turtle for you (hehe) just let me know.

Samantha said...

I'm sorry about the dream. That does sounds pretty freaky!

I hope that you get things worked out with the clinic. It does seem like one person being out shouldn't be the end of all paperwork (most offices have some built-in redundancies). But I also don't think it's personal against you - I think your needs have just slipped through the cracks and that will hopefully be straightened up soon!