Have you Ever....

Have you ever wondered what the true purpose of your life is??? I have been thinking a lot about that lately, and cannot seem to come up with a solid answer that makes any real sense to me!! I guess some people say they are here for the accomplishments they will make with their jobs, families, politics, etc. I am not the type to try to change the world... I have a hard enough time trying to change my mind about dinner most days. I wish I could say that I was here to make a difference in Kent's life, but somehow I think that he will be a great man regardless. I hope that makes sense. I would like to think that I am here to bring something to Clark's life, and in a way I guess I have, but I think he would have done great w/o me to.... so that leaves me right back where I started!! I guess I am looking for that one life changing, life impacting, important enough to really affect someone's life, and that leads me to the big problem with me.... the fact that the only change that I can REALLY and Truly impart in this world is to bring forth another life.... UGH but here in lies the problem... those ever so reluctant ovaries. I am getting to my point... I got my referral letter and it says we are approved for one visit.... hmm ok, so we spent the last 2 years fighting with our ins. for one flipping visit?? It gets better, this visit has to be done their way... they want a "Game Plan" I already gave them the last copy from the last time I had ONE visit, and I guess the argument I made about not forcing us to have two semen analysis' got through, cuz now they want just the one. LOL chalk one up for me!! My biggest concern is wether my old doc is still there, last I heard he was going to CA, then I heard something else, so I wonder who I am going to get if not him.... at least they will have all my old records. So tomorrow morning first thing I am going to call the Jones Inst. and see how fast they can get me in as the referal is only good until the 23rd of April, and Clark leaves the 12th for GA... another sore point these days!! So today I get my biggest hurdle of all.... Clark... He informs me that he thinks he is TO OLD to become a dad to a newborn... LOL 33, and he feels to old?? I guess he forgot that We wanted a baby YEARS ago, and never imagined that it was gonna take us quite this long!! Boy if it isn't one ofus having doubts it's the other one!! I just pray that his "guys" are healthy and ready for what is to come!! :o)I start seeing my new therapist this week, and I hope that she will be good for me, as I need someone I can really feel comfortable with right now, and the new meds that the Psych put me on are driving me NUTS :o) I am just having a hard time adjusting that is all, but still finding out that I haven't been treated properly for at least 8 years has really made me wonder about what I could have done with myself in all of that time. Luck of the draw I guess, but now hopefully it is gonna be right, and I can finally start really living!!I have to say that I am honestly not looking forward to having Clark gone for two weeks as I am going to miss him terribly. The dogs are gonna be so lost w/o their daddy to, so that will be tuff.... Bella is his girl, and I don't think she is gonna take it well at all!! How sad is it that I worry how his absence will affect the dogs badly!! LOL I may have to get them all on sedatives for 2 weeks!! Guess I will have to wait and see huh??Well I guess I am done rambling for the night, I am doing laundry, and getting the last of the laundry done while typing this, and I need to get my meds in for the night and hit the sack after this load gets done drying... For some reason this entry doesn't seem as profound as I thought it was going to be...