Ok, so remember that update I promised you 3 weeks ago??!! Welp here it is!!!
We are going to do an IVF cycle again in a few weeks!!!! I had my PCP put in our referral this week, and if all goes well with the Ins. Co. we should be on track for a June/July retrieval and transfer. I know, I said that Miss Turtle was prolly going to be an only bio child, but after having her and being her mommy for the last 12 weeks, I am so freaking smitten with motherhood that I HAVE to have it one more time.... if it is in the cards!! I swear being a mom is like a drug, and I am addicted!! It has been hard and challenging, but I feel so fulfilled by my new roll. I have been seeing the Psych every 2 weeks, and he seems to think that my PPD was really mild, and that it was mostly centered around my sleeplessness, hormonal changes, and being a first time mom!! I think I have to agree with him, because I have bounced back amazingly!!! (mentally, physically meaning weight wise... I am still a WRECK!!! UGH!!!) So Clark and I talked, and I told him that if we were gonna do this whole parenthood thing again, I would rather do it NOW instead of later when I am used to sleeping through the night again!! LOL Of course 2 days after I said that guess who started sleeping through the night?? Ha Ha, jokes on Mommy!! But seriously, I want to get this over with and just have my babies close together so that they can grow up together. I do have to admit that I am terrified though, because the news in the blogging world as of late with all of the losses and sick babies has me seriously thinking that maybe I am asking the Universe for way to much, and I should quit while I am ahead...... Not sure, so I will take the time before my return appointment to think it all through. Of course there is the chance that another cycle won't get me pregnant anyway... see there I go again!!!
Things here have been going a long a lot better. Turtle is doing great, a lot less fussy after bottles, and starting to grow like a freaking weed!! She is actually starting to grow out of newborn stuff!! I am a terrible mommy though, and right now she is sleeping in her swing in front of our ginormous TV!!! Hey, I take naps from her where and when I can get them so Ha!!! We are loving the funny things that she does, like smiling, OMG that is the cutest damn thing ever!!! She is trying to do things that are advanced for her age, but is behind in others, so I think she is going to keep me hopping!!! Daddy is going away for 2 weeks soon, and we will have company in the form of friends and family for the whole time, so it will be nice to have visitors, but I am sure going to miss Clark while he is gone!! He is having a hard time being away from Turtle during the day, so that trip is going to hurt him a lot.... I think he is scared that she will forget him, but I told him not gonna happen!!! She will remember him when he gets back I am sure!!!
Kent is doing ok, still struggling in school, but doing ok for the most part. He is totally in love with his little sister, and gets home ready to see her everyday. She lights up every time she sees him, and that makes me so very happy!!
Well that is it for now, I hope to start getting back here a little more often as Little Miss gets into a better schedule with eating and napping so that I can get more then 5 seconds on the computer. I hope this update finds you all well to, and enjoying spring!!!!!
April 11, 2008
March 21, 2008
2 Month WBV
WBV= Well Baby Visit
Turtle was 9 weeks old yesterday, and had her 2 month check up today!! Wow time has sure flown!! Ok, so here are her stats....
Weight- 10.6 Pounds
Length- 22 1/2 inches
Head- 39 CM
We also got 4 shots today!! Holy Cow I have never seen such a pretty shade of purple!! That poor kid didn't breathe for almost a minute!! I cannot explain how it broke my heart to see her cry like that, and yet know that it is for the better that she gets those shots... I'm Just Saying!!
We seem to be doing better on the formula, and we started adding cereal to it a few times a day. She is sleeping through the night, or at least 6-7 hours of it!! We are going to be moving her to her crib this weekend, so that promises to be an adventure!! Gonna break my heart!!! I will try to get a more in depth update out in the next few days as there has been so much going on here in the Infertile house!!! Hugs and Kisses!!!
Turtle was 9 weeks old yesterday, and had her 2 month check up today!! Wow time has sure flown!! Ok, so here are her stats....
Weight- 10.6 Pounds
Length- 22 1/2 inches
Head- 39 CM
We also got 4 shots today!! Holy Cow I have never seen such a pretty shade of purple!! That poor kid didn't breathe for almost a minute!! I cannot explain how it broke my heart to see her cry like that, and yet know that it is for the better that she gets those shots... I'm Just Saying!!
We seem to be doing better on the formula, and we started adding cereal to it a few times a day. She is sleeping through the night, or at least 6-7 hours of it!! We are going to be moving her to her crib this weekend, so that promises to be an adventure!! Gonna break my heart!!! I will try to get a more in depth update out in the next few days as there has been so much going on here in the Infertile house!!! Hugs and Kisses!!!
March 7, 2008
Days Go By.....
Wow, I can hardly believe that I have been gone from here for so long!! Actually that is a lie, I know exactly how long I have been gone, but I have a very valid excuse!!! Being mommy to a newborn has totally taken over my life and overwhelmed me. That little person is so selfish I tell ya!! :o)
I have to admit that I was totally unprepared for Motherhood at this level!! I cannot find the beginning, or the end of any thought that I have other then the one that I ask myself several times a day, usually when Turtle is on one of her MANY crying jags, "What in the HELL was I thinking??" Of course I WANTED a baby, hell I took 14 and a half long years fighting to get here, and now there are times when I look at that little person and want a "do over". How fucking wrong is that?? So many things in my life have become over rated: Sleep, a daily shower, clean shirts (hell clean clothes period), 10 minutes to myself, and lastly my sanity. All I want more then anything is to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. The days all run together, in fact I totally swore that today was Thursday and Turtle was 7 weeks old today, when it is Friday obviously, and I almost missed her pediatrician appointment!!!
So do I sound like a giant asshole yet?? Because I sure do feel like one!! I pray for her to nap just a few minutes longer so that I can have just a little more silence, and every time I do my guilt creeps even higher. I wish I had 10 minutes of time with Clark where I didn't have this little person between us, and it hurts my heart to think like that. I told Clark how I was feeling, and he keeps telling me that it is normal for me to feel like this because we have had a major life event, and if I thought back, I had some of the same thoughts when we first had Kent come to live with us. Not. So. Much. I have to admit that I felt like I had purpose in what I was doing for Kent, and was totally devoted to this poor broken child who needed me, Turtle... Not. So. Much. And that breaks my heart. She is my flesh and blood, I birthed her, I fought so hard for her little life, I begged God and all the others to let me keep her, and now I mostly just want my silence back. I recognized that I was starting to have more bad days then good, and since I had never gone off meds, I knew it was time to check myself.
You know what they call this?? Post Partum Depression. Yeah that is what the Psych says. Up the drugs. It will work its self out, they say. God, I Fucking hope so, because I LOVE that little girl!! Her every smile touches me in a place that I never knew I had. I am so scared that something will happen to her that I can't breathe unless I know she is ok. I look at her little face and feel more love for her then I have ever known in my life. I get so wrapped up in looking into her little blue eyes that I forget what I am thinking sometimes. I can't go more then 5 minutes without kissing her when I am holding her. This is my daughter and I love her.
A lot of this I guess stems from the fact that Turtle hasn't had life so easy the past few weeks, so we have spent a lot of time at the Pediatricians offices, and one day this last week having a test done at the local Children's Hospital. All is well, just some bumps in the road... Colic, Reflux, and now we find out that the opening at the bottom of her stomach is smaller then normal, so her tummy empties slower then it should. It has just made life so much harder for her and I. I cannot begin to describe the pain I feel every time she screams out in pain when she is eating, it makes me cry. No one wants their child to feel pain. I also feel guilt that she has these issues, not that there was anything that I could have done about it, but we all want our children to be "perfect", and to not have to go through anything bad. It is all settling down though, but I do feel like a bad mom almost everyday because of her health issues.
It has been a long 7 weeks, but we have made it this far. It has just been very hard to come to terms with the fact that for as long as I can remember I have wanted this, and now that have it, most days I don't. It is sad how Infertility can break you and mindfuck you into nothingness. I hope it lifts soon because Spring is coming, and I am tired of crying and hating myself!!
I have to admit that I was totally unprepared for Motherhood at this level!! I cannot find the beginning, or the end of any thought that I have other then the one that I ask myself several times a day, usually when Turtle is on one of her MANY crying jags, "What in the HELL was I thinking??" Of course I WANTED a baby, hell I took 14 and a half long years fighting to get here, and now there are times when I look at that little person and want a "do over". How fucking wrong is that?? So many things in my life have become over rated: Sleep, a daily shower, clean shirts (hell clean clothes period), 10 minutes to myself, and lastly my sanity. All I want more then anything is to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. The days all run together, in fact I totally swore that today was Thursday and Turtle was 7 weeks old today, when it is Friday obviously, and I almost missed her pediatrician appointment!!!
So do I sound like a giant asshole yet?? Because I sure do feel like one!! I pray for her to nap just a few minutes longer so that I can have just a little more silence, and every time I do my guilt creeps even higher. I wish I had 10 minutes of time with Clark where I didn't have this little person between us, and it hurts my heart to think like that. I told Clark how I was feeling, and he keeps telling me that it is normal for me to feel like this because we have had a major life event, and if I thought back, I had some of the same thoughts when we first had Kent come to live with us. Not. So. Much. I have to admit that I felt like I had purpose in what I was doing for Kent, and was totally devoted to this poor broken child who needed me, Turtle... Not. So. Much. And that breaks my heart. She is my flesh and blood, I birthed her, I fought so hard for her little life, I begged God and all the others to let me keep her, and now I mostly just want my silence back. I recognized that I was starting to have more bad days then good, and since I had never gone off meds, I knew it was time to check myself.
You know what they call this?? Post Partum Depression. Yeah that is what the Psych says. Up the drugs. It will work its self out, they say. God, I Fucking hope so, because I LOVE that little girl!! Her every smile touches me in a place that I never knew I had. I am so scared that something will happen to her that I can't breathe unless I know she is ok. I look at her little face and feel more love for her then I have ever known in my life. I get so wrapped up in looking into her little blue eyes that I forget what I am thinking sometimes. I can't go more then 5 minutes without kissing her when I am holding her. This is my daughter and I love her.
A lot of this I guess stems from the fact that Turtle hasn't had life so easy the past few weeks, so we have spent a lot of time at the Pediatricians offices, and one day this last week having a test done at the local Children's Hospital. All is well, just some bumps in the road... Colic, Reflux, and now we find out that the opening at the bottom of her stomach is smaller then normal, so her tummy empties slower then it should. It has just made life so much harder for her and I. I cannot begin to describe the pain I feel every time she screams out in pain when she is eating, it makes me cry. No one wants their child to feel pain. I also feel guilt that she has these issues, not that there was anything that I could have done about it, but we all want our children to be "perfect", and to not have to go through anything bad. It is all settling down though, but I do feel like a bad mom almost everyday because of her health issues.
It has been a long 7 weeks, but we have made it this far. It has just been very hard to come to terms with the fact that for as long as I can remember I have wanted this, and now that have it, most days I don't. It is sad how Infertility can break you and mindfuck you into nothingness. I hope it lifts soon because Spring is coming, and I am tired of crying and hating myself!!
January 31, 2008
Two weeks.....
Yep, two weeks, and she is still alive!! LOL I cannot even believe how fast time has flown for me. It feel like just minutes ago I was laying eyes on that little girls face for the first time, and yet she has already done so much growing and changing. There is nothing in this world that can empty the bitterness and anger of Infertility out of your heart faster then the smile on a sleeping babies face... especially if that baby is your very own, and you spent years fighting to get that little life home. Not that fertile people don't feel that same thing, but hell, I feel like people who have to work so very hard for something they want, tend to appreciate it just a little more. I have found parts of my heart I never even knew existed. I always wondered if they were there, but until that very moment when I felt them, they weren't really there. I knew this little one when she was a group of cells on a screen, and I never thought I would be looking at a face that is so much like mine, and yet so much her own. Touches of her daddy, but an individual just the same. It is awesome to consider that just a mere few months ago, this little person was being "made" in a lab, and then being transfered into my body to grow and become the baby that she now is. That I did this is still so freaking surreal to me that I almost cannot fathom the reality of it. I hold that warm little body and smell her hair, look into those eyes, and wonder if she will ever know just how much I love her, and what I did to get her here. I cannot imagine a day without her in it, and that is the scariest feeling I have ever had in my life!! To not have that little face look at me with the wonder that she already posses, would be like being lost at sea without a life preserver.
My mom is here right now, and she made a comment about how now I can stop calling myself the InfertileMadWoman. Uh. Not. I really bug out that people think just because I have this little one that now I am all better, fixed, cured as it may be. Not. So. Much. I will never be fertile. Never. So I tried to explain it to her, but she really cannot get it. I spent so many years being infertile that it is a part of me that I can't change, or let go of, and I don't really want to. I have been defined by my struggle for so long that I cannot imagine it not being apart of me. I cannot imagine not trying to give the support and understanding that comes with knowing this side of the struggle. I know there are some infertiles out there who feel like those of us who get the "Golden Ticket" become somehow different. Maybe, but we never forget!! I have felt pain that will forever keep my feet in this Infertile world, sure I have a child now, but isn't that what we all fight for?? I still feel pain for those who cannot reach this side of things, but then I know if you are one of those people you are thinking "Oh shut the Hell up, you have what I want!!" Yeah I do, and I spent 14 years on the other side of that statement, so I do know, and I do feel, and I remember. So, I will always be the InfertileMadWoman!!!
OK, so, there are things people don't tell you about post partum!!! Things like having a "Sunny Side Up" baby will totally ruin your bladder for a hell of a long time!!! OMG if I piss my pants one more time, I am checking into a nursing home!! Face up seems to put a lot of pressure on the bladder and urethra, and can cause it to "spasm" for some time after delivery!! Yeah well no freaking kidding!!! I did the Kegals like the books tell you to, but Ha, "Sunny" has changed the name of the game!!
I have also been having issues with, well you know #2. Remember OHSS for Dummies??? Remember the razor blade comment?? Yeah well that sensation is back. My tear has healed, so that isn't it, but I can tell you that when I feel the urge to, well you know what, I almost have an anxiety attack!! No really it is traumatizing!!!
Oh yeah and engorgement when you aren't breastfeeding... HOLY SHIT!!! To say that I had hooters was an understatement!! OMG, I could have made a ton of cash if I had any pole dancing or stripping experience!! I literally went up 3 cup sizes over night, and looked like I had a botched breast implant surgery!! It was sooo painful, I literally almost stood outside in 20 degree weather naked from the waist up to get some relief!!! They are still swollen, and I cannot seem to get them to dry up even though I have not let her try to nurse since she delivered, so I am dealing with almost constant pain on that front to!! UGH!!
We had the "When to add a sibling" conversation when Turtle was a week old, and Clark's comment to me when I asked him if he was ready for another one was " What are you TRYING to Kill me??" I didn't know what to think about that, so I asked him to clarify just what the hell he meant, and he came back with the fact that everyday of our pregnancy with Turtle was like a nightmare for him, waiting for something to go terribly wrong, and that he really doesn't think that he can or wants to handle another pregnancy!! Oh my, he is a Mess!!! I get it though, and I guess I just never really thought about how bad this whole thing was for him. He really doesn't show his feelings well most of the time, so while I knew he had been worried about me and the Turtle, I never fully got that it was as hard on him as it was. I understand though, and I agree with him. So, for now it looks as though Turtle will be our only adventure into biological parenting. Besides, I am not so sure I could get this lucky the second time around!!!
So, it is getting late here, and this post is getting long, so I will try to get back in the next day or so to let you know how we are all doing!! Hugs to everyone!!
My mom is here right now, and she made a comment about how now I can stop calling myself the InfertileMadWoman. Uh. Not. I really bug out that people think just because I have this little one that now I am all better, fixed, cured as it may be. Not. So. Much. I will never be fertile. Never. So I tried to explain it to her, but she really cannot get it. I spent so many years being infertile that it is a part of me that I can't change, or let go of, and I don't really want to. I have been defined by my struggle for so long that I cannot imagine it not being apart of me. I cannot imagine not trying to give the support and understanding that comes with knowing this side of the struggle. I know there are some infertiles out there who feel like those of us who get the "Golden Ticket" become somehow different. Maybe, but we never forget!! I have felt pain that will forever keep my feet in this Infertile world, sure I have a child now, but isn't that what we all fight for?? I still feel pain for those who cannot reach this side of things, but then I know if you are one of those people you are thinking "Oh shut the Hell up, you have what I want!!" Yeah I do, and I spent 14 years on the other side of that statement, so I do know, and I do feel, and I remember. So, I will always be the InfertileMadWoman!!!
OK, so, there are things people don't tell you about post partum!!! Things like having a "Sunny Side Up" baby will totally ruin your bladder for a hell of a long time!!! OMG if I piss my pants one more time, I am checking into a nursing home!! Face up seems to put a lot of pressure on the bladder and urethra, and can cause it to "spasm" for some time after delivery!! Yeah well no freaking kidding!!! I did the Kegals like the books tell you to, but Ha, "Sunny" has changed the name of the game!!
I have also been having issues with, well you know #2. Remember OHSS for Dummies??? Remember the razor blade comment?? Yeah well that sensation is back. My tear has healed, so that isn't it, but I can tell you that when I feel the urge to, well you know what, I almost have an anxiety attack!! No really it is traumatizing!!!
Oh yeah and engorgement when you aren't breastfeeding... HOLY SHIT!!! To say that I had hooters was an understatement!! OMG, I could have made a ton of cash if I had any pole dancing or stripping experience!! I literally went up 3 cup sizes over night, and looked like I had a botched breast implant surgery!! It was sooo painful, I literally almost stood outside in 20 degree weather naked from the waist up to get some relief!!! They are still swollen, and I cannot seem to get them to dry up even though I have not let her try to nurse since she delivered, so I am dealing with almost constant pain on that front to!! UGH!!
We had the "When to add a sibling" conversation when Turtle was a week old, and Clark's comment to me when I asked him if he was ready for another one was " What are you TRYING to Kill me??" I didn't know what to think about that, so I asked him to clarify just what the hell he meant, and he came back with the fact that everyday of our pregnancy with Turtle was like a nightmare for him, waiting for something to go terribly wrong, and that he really doesn't think that he can or wants to handle another pregnancy!! Oh my, he is a Mess!!! I get it though, and I guess I just never really thought about how bad this whole thing was for him. He really doesn't show his feelings well most of the time, so while I knew he had been worried about me and the Turtle, I never fully got that it was as hard on him as it was. I understand though, and I agree with him. So, for now it looks as though Turtle will be our only adventure into biological parenting. Besides, I am not so sure I could get this lucky the second time around!!!
So, it is getting late here, and this post is getting long, so I will try to get back in the next day or so to let you know how we are all doing!! Hugs to everyone!!
January 23, 2008
I am sooo in love!!
So, after 14 and a half years of pain and failure we have an angel and I have fallen so fast and hard for this beautiful little face!!!! She is just so amazing it is sick!!!
Ok, so here is how it all went down......
9 Pm... Cervadil in (1-16)
5 Am... Cervadil out (1-17)
6 Am... Pitocin Started
7:30 Am... Doc in to see me, 2 CM dilated, broke my water... all I can say about having your water broken... EWWWW!!!!
9 Am... Nubain in..(pain med)
11 Am... Epidural in, still 2 Cm dilated. I had some issues with only going numb on the left side, so they dosed up the epidural, and had me lay on my side until it all went in, but it was to weird having contractions on only one side for like 20 minutes!!
12:30 Pm... Doc in to check me 4 Cm dilated, contractions 2-3 minutes apart. At this point I started a massive itching campaign that they determined was due to the epidural meds, so they changed me over to a different one, and it got better.
3:30 Pm... Nurse checked me and I was at 4-5 Cm but getting there... at this point I knew her head was pretty engaged because I stopped feeling the gush of fluid every time I had a contraction.
5:00 Pm... Nurse checked, and I was 5-6 Cm.
6:30 Pm... At this point I was getting a little frustrated because I had stopped doing much, at least I thought so, so I decided that since I couldn't get out of the bed, I was going to sit upright as far as I could to help her come down. The nurses kept telling me to lay back, but as soon as they left the room, I was right back up again.
7:30 Pm... I started feeling this pressure in my pelvis that seemed to get a little stronger with every contraction, so we called the nurse in who checked me and said we were at 10 Cm, and that she was gonna get the Doc. I knew that sitting up would help!! :o)
7:45 Pm or so.... I started pushing. About 20 minutes into pushing it was determined that little miss was "Sunny Side Up". They had me start pushing while laying on my right side, hoping to get her to turn. That didn't help, so I was put back on my back, and told to just give it all I had. I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to know that your strength and determination is the only thing that will make that baby come out, and how hard it is to have all that when you are numb from the waist down!! I decided that I had to get the show on the road though, and just got down to pushing. After only 45 minutes, and the promise of Tac* Bell when it was all over, Little Miss Turtle came into this wonderful world!!
So at 8:28 PM January 17th weighing 7 pounds, and 19 and a half inches long, Little Miss Turtle joined the Infertile Family!!!
She had the cord around her neck twice, and wasn't breathing right away, in fact she was pretty blue when they put her on my stomach. All I could think about was getting her breathing, because this was SO not going to end bad, I took the towel that she was on and started rubbing the hell out of her back, and after about 30 -40 seconds she took a very wet, and soggy breath, and they snatched her up and hauled her to the warmer. They ended up suctioning her for about 2 minutes and putting oxygen to her face, but at that point she had already pinked up and was looking a lot better. Her APGAR scores were 7 and 8. I ended up with a second degree tear, and some stitches, but the Doc said she was very proud of me because most first time moms take about 3-4 hours to push out a sunny side up baby. Clark cut the cord, and I was so very proud of him for that because he so wasn't going to!!
Little Miss and I were both running fevers by the time all was said and done, so they brought her to my room after about 3 hours, let her stay for about an hour, and took her back to the nursery. I had tried to breast feed her when we were in the delivery room, but she didn't really latch, so the nurse told me to try when they brought her back to me... well she tried hard, but just couldn't get on, so the lactation consultant that was there tried to work with us, and actually looked at me and said... she isn't going to get it sweetie. Not that I care, hell at that point I was just so freaking relieved to have LIVE baby that I didn't care if she had to have a bottle. The consultant and I also talked about the meds that I am on, and she was kind of irritated that I had been lead to believe that I would be able to breast feed on them, when I actually would have been better off on a different med, that I could have breast feed on. Oh well.
I was actually discharged on Friday morning, but they decided that Turtle needed to stay another night to wait for some blood work to come back, so the OB cancelled my discharge and we spent the day with Clark, Kent, and I staring at the most BEAUTIFUL baby girl on the planet!!!
We have been home since the 19th, and this little girl has become the center of the Infertile household!! I have so many emotions running through me right now, that I cannot even begin to tell you how it feels to be at the end of this long, long, winding road!! I am going to try to get a post in, in the next few days about how I feel about this whole thing, but for right now I just wanted to let you all know that Turtle made it, and that we are all safe and sound!!
Thanks to each and every one of you who has taken this ride with me!! I couldn't have done it without you!!!
Ok, so here is how it all went down......
9 Pm... Cervadil in (1-16)
5 Am... Cervadil out (1-17)
6 Am... Pitocin Started
7:30 Am... Doc in to see me, 2 CM dilated, broke my water... all I can say about having your water broken... EWWWW!!!!
9 Am... Nubain in..(pain med)
11 Am... Epidural in, still 2 Cm dilated. I had some issues with only going numb on the left side, so they dosed up the epidural, and had me lay on my side until it all went in, but it was to weird having contractions on only one side for like 20 minutes!!
12:30 Pm... Doc in to check me 4 Cm dilated, contractions 2-3 minutes apart. At this point I started a massive itching campaign that they determined was due to the epidural meds, so they changed me over to a different one, and it got better.
3:30 Pm... Nurse checked me and I was at 4-5 Cm but getting there... at this point I knew her head was pretty engaged because I stopped feeling the gush of fluid every time I had a contraction.
5:00 Pm... Nurse checked, and I was 5-6 Cm.
6:30 Pm... At this point I was getting a little frustrated because I had stopped doing much, at least I thought so, so I decided that since I couldn't get out of the bed, I was going to sit upright as far as I could to help her come down. The nurses kept telling me to lay back, but as soon as they left the room, I was right back up again.
7:30 Pm... I started feeling this pressure in my pelvis that seemed to get a little stronger with every contraction, so we called the nurse in who checked me and said we were at 10 Cm, and that she was gonna get the Doc. I knew that sitting up would help!! :o)
7:45 Pm or so.... I started pushing. About 20 minutes into pushing it was determined that little miss was "Sunny Side Up". They had me start pushing while laying on my right side, hoping to get her to turn. That didn't help, so I was put back on my back, and told to just give it all I had. I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to know that your strength and determination is the only thing that will make that baby come out, and how hard it is to have all that when you are numb from the waist down!! I decided that I had to get the show on the road though, and just got down to pushing. After only 45 minutes, and the promise of Tac* Bell when it was all over, Little Miss Turtle came into this wonderful world!!
So at 8:28 PM January 17th weighing 7 pounds, and 19 and a half inches long, Little Miss Turtle joined the Infertile Family!!!
She had the cord around her neck twice, and wasn't breathing right away, in fact she was pretty blue when they put her on my stomach. All I could think about was getting her breathing, because this was SO not going to end bad, I took the towel that she was on and started rubbing the hell out of her back, and after about 30 -40 seconds she took a very wet, and soggy breath, and they snatched her up and hauled her to the warmer. They ended up suctioning her for about 2 minutes and putting oxygen to her face, but at that point she had already pinked up and was looking a lot better. Her APGAR scores were 7 and 8. I ended up with a second degree tear, and some stitches, but the Doc said she was very proud of me because most first time moms take about 3-4 hours to push out a sunny side up baby. Clark cut the cord, and I was so very proud of him for that because he so wasn't going to!!
Little Miss and I were both running fevers by the time all was said and done, so they brought her to my room after about 3 hours, let her stay for about an hour, and took her back to the nursery. I had tried to breast feed her when we were in the delivery room, but she didn't really latch, so the nurse told me to try when they brought her back to me... well she tried hard, but just couldn't get on, so the lactation consultant that was there tried to work with us, and actually looked at me and said... she isn't going to get it sweetie. Not that I care, hell at that point I was just so freaking relieved to have LIVE baby that I didn't care if she had to have a bottle. The consultant and I also talked about the meds that I am on, and she was kind of irritated that I had been lead to believe that I would be able to breast feed on them, when I actually would have been better off on a different med, that I could have breast feed on. Oh well.
I was actually discharged on Friday morning, but they decided that Turtle needed to stay another night to wait for some blood work to come back, so the OB cancelled my discharge and we spent the day with Clark, Kent, and I staring at the most BEAUTIFUL baby girl on the planet!!!
We have been home since the 19th, and this little girl has become the center of the Infertile household!! I have so many emotions running through me right now, that I cannot even begin to tell you how it feels to be at the end of this long, long, winding road!! I am going to try to get a post in, in the next few days about how I feel about this whole thing, but for right now I just wanted to let you all know that Turtle made it, and that we are all safe and sound!!
Thanks to each and every one of you who has taken this ride with me!! I couldn't have done it without you!!!
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