December 23, 2006

It never quits I swear....

Well, ok, so I never heard back from the docs about the kidney thing until Friday... they still are very unsure as to how and when to proceed, so I am stuck in limbo again. Hopefully I will hear somethng by Monday afternoon.

My van is in the shop, so that nixed my planned trip this weekend because I cannot take Kent anywhere in the rental car that I have. His wheelchair doesn't fold up anymore, and this trip involved 15 hours of driving. Needless to say he is pretty frusterated and upset with his mom right now, but hey he will get over it, these things were beyond my control.

I emailed the IVF nurse on Thursday night and she emailed me back Friday saying that Dr B was in surgery and that she would call me on Monday to let me know what she said. I have to call the Bus. office on Monday to get our reapproval rolling, so that it is ready. She told me that I would prolly be a go because I won't hit the closure date with the lab, so in a small sense I am getting excited, but I am dreading this whole thing getting started again. It is to weird because I have looked forward to this for as long as I can remember, but the last few months since surgery and DX seemed to have skewed my perceptions of everything that life has to hold. I am not sure of anything anymore, and it bothers me that my heart isn't in this in the way that it used to be. I spoke a few posts ago of a decision that I had come to reguarding all of this, and there it goes:

If we do these 3 IVF's, and still end up w/o a baby at the end, then we are done. No adoption, no foster care, no more treatments. Done. That was my decision. We have Kent, and in just a few years he will be going off to college and we will be empty-nesters. At this point with all tha has gone on in the last few months I am fine with this. I am getting to old (in my own opinion) to keep up this adventure. I want to go back to school, and travel with my husband. I have already had a very long time to mourn my fertility, so that isn't even going to be an issue if we don't get pregnant. I have accepted that I will in most likelyhood not walk away from this with a child, but that is ok with me honestly. I have delt with it, and I am prepared for it. With that being said..... today is CD9, and I should be starting Lupron on the 29th of this month barring any unforseen circumstances!! But then we all know that this is me I am talking about.......

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