I am a horrible friend....

I have been avioding a friend that I have had for years because she had a baby, and I couldn't, that damn jealousy again. Well, for the last few weeks she has been dealing with something horrible with her little girl, and like a heal I can't answer my phone now either because I feel like an asshole. I have a speacial needs child, but he was like that when he came to live with me, I cannot imagine it being my biological child, and what she must be going through. Ahh but don't take that wrong either, it is hard with Kent, but he was already in his wheelchair, and had delt with his cancer by then. But to be totally honest, she isn't the only one I have cut myself off from lately. All of my friends have become hard to talk to... part of the reason is that I used to light right up and smoke all the time while I was talking. Well, since I quit smoking it is just hard for me to even talk on the phone if you get my drift... I always want to light up when I get on it. It really is hard to do things that I used to be able to smoke while doing... like driving. I never smoked in my house, so that isn't to hard. But the other reason is that most of them just don't understand why I am so damn miserable right now. I can't talk to people who cannot feel the depth of my pain... can you???