Some People.....

I have sooooo got to tell you about my night!!! We all went out to eat last night per my last entry, and since the Chinese Restaraunt is in the mall, we left there after dinner, and walked down to JCPenny's so that I could get some new jeans.... well I LOVE mens jeans, and the way they fit. So, we go over to the mens section, and I grabbed a few pairs, debated going into the fitting rooms cuz they were the Men's, but Clark told me he would watch out for me, they were in the back of the store, and there was noone around. Well when I went in there were 4 rooms, side by side with the one in the back being a big one for Handicapped people. From under the door I could see a pair of shoes, and some clothes, but there was NO noise. So, for about 20 minutes I was going back and forth trying on different styles of jeans (I am PICKY!!), and those shoes and clothes never moved. I told Clark that maybe we should say something to the store employee's just in case something was wrong. Well, when I was done (didn't get any pants UGH), I went to the closest register and told the girl what I had seen, and she called a supervisor over, we stood there while the lady went in and she knocked on the dorr... a very deep mans voice said "Just a minute" well the woman looked at me and said there are a man and a woman in there... YUP you guessed it they were in there having RELATIONS(sex)!!!!!!!! EWWWWWWW!!!!! I KNEW those weren't mens shoes, cuz they were just tiny!! I just about died laughing!!! Kent thought it was hysterical!!! I tell you the NERVE of some people!!!

Oh yeah I sooo have to go here to.... while we were eating, I saw some things that just made me ILL.... first off, I used to be overweight, and I mean FAT. I had Gastric Bypass 5 years ago, and now I am about 145 pounds.... well what in the HELL posses fat women to wear some of the crap they do??? I mean come on now!!! I NEVER, and I MEAN NEVER wore clothes that showed off my belly, were skin tight and the like when I was fat (I actually still don't), and I think that women who do that just look stupid. Clark tried to tell me that they just have really good self esteem, but I totally disagree with that, I think they are just seeking attention, and frankly that kind of attention is the kind they don't need!!! I mean it is GROSS, and not something I want to see when I am trying to eat food!!! There is nothing more unattractive then a big woman trying to fit into clothes that look like they were made to fit a 10 year old for crying out loud!!!

The other thing I saw that made me ill was 2 different women who were OBVIOUSLY VERY pregnant, and the shirts they had on were so tight I could see the babies move!! What posseses people to do shit like that??? Ok, we know your pregnant, but geez keep your fetal movements to yourself, it isn't attractive, and I found that offensive to... mind you that opinion has NOTHING to do with my infertility status, it has to do with people not being respectful of the people around them. UGH I just can't hang with crap like that!!! There are times and places where MODESTY should be the standard!!! Maybe that is why I spend so much time at home, so I don't have to see what the world has turned into with all the attention seekers running rampant!!!

After our adventures at dinner and JCPenney's, we were off to Wally World, got the things that we needed... I bought the DVD set of Narnia, because I LOVED it when we saw it a few weeks ago with Kent, so I HAD to have it!!! Clark gave Kent back his TV, stereo, books, and video games because of his report card, and I got up at 6:30 this AM to find him dressed, and ready to get his day going!! @@ Crap that kid hasn't been up that early on a weekend in MONTHS!!! I am looking forward to him spending the night away from home tonight so that Clark and I can have some ALONE time!!! Well, ok the dogs will be here still, but not the KID!! LOL

I made Clark's Andrology appointment for the 13th, so hopefully by Friday of next week, I will know where we stand with his "Boys". I am sooooo looking forward to TTC (trying to concieve) again that I just get a big grin everytime I think about it...... It has been a long road to where we are in our lives, but I am relieved in a way that we have had all this time to grow together, learn to love each other more deeply, and just spend time as a couple. I am still looking forward to the possiblity of being a "Mom", experiencing being pregnant, and all that Jazz, but I am also very aware that it might very well never happen, and that is ok to. I have already spent a lot of time grieving my infertility so I am pretty prepared for the chance that I may never have biological children, and for the most part I am ok with that. It still hurts my heart everyday that we haven't had kids, but having Kent here lessens that pain sooo much!! I just look at him everytime I think that might not be a good parent, and remember how much we have struggled with him, and how well he has done, and I know I can do it!! It will just be funny to start from "scratch" so to speak.... I have the 8-14 thing down, but younger then that is a total mystery to me!! LOL Oh well!!

I got started with the yard stuff yesterday, I had to call the utility people to come out and mark the lines, and I just KNEW the phone line was going to be all accross the front yard, and I was right, so now I have to wait until the 12th for them to come out and re-lay our phone lines... I have already called twice about them doing that in the last 3 years... when they layed it the first time instead of just going 50 feet from the box to the house these idiots ran it the whole length of the property in the front, down the driveway, around the back of the house, and then to the phone box... I don't know what that was all about because I told them then that they didn't need to do all that!!! So we should have a flat yard sometime in the next 2 weeks, and then we are gonna add the porch!! I am sooo excited for that cuz I have always wanted a house with a big porch on it!!!

Well, I guess that is all for now, I have laundry still, and other things to do outside in the back yard, cuz it is supposed to storm this afternoon, and Kent will be going to the B-day party at 3:30, and I am thinking that we should drive him to the bowling alley to save them the problem of having to do all that!!! So, off to my new day!!!

I almost forgot....

I almost forgot to add... we took Kent to the Movies last weekend, and we saw Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector... YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE IT!!!!! OMG it was soooo freaking funny!!!
I got the appointments made that I needed to, and Clark is going to the Lab on the 13th of April, the phone company is coming out on the 12th to re-lay and burry our lines so that we can get the front yard done!! Wooo Hooo I am getting excited about that!!!
We are off to dinner at our FAVORITE Chinese place, and then to Wally World for a few things!!
Kent brought home his report card today, and he made it back on the A-B Honor Roll!!! 'bout freaking time!!! He is going to be spending the night at a friends for a B-day party tomorrow, so Clark and I will be home all alone!! :o) Looks like it is going to be a gooooood weekend!!!

An update....

I Keep swearing to myself that I am going to get here every day to update, but crap I have had soooooo much going on this week it was impossible!!! So, this is gonna be LONG!!!

Well, it has been a long time since I have been able to brag on my Little Man, so here it goes.....At the beginning of the school year Kent asked about getting tested for the AIG (Advanced In Grade) Program, similar to AP classes for High School kids, but for Junior High kids. Well, we filled out the application for him, and they accepted his application for testing right away however, there were 8 kids ahead of him on the testing schedule, and only one school psychologist for the county, so it has taken this long for him to get tested, and he PASSED with flying colors!!!! Mom and Dad are SOOOOO PROUD!!!!! I met with the teachers to discus the results of the testing, and they said that Kent placed in the 93% for his age... meaning that he has the cognitive intelligence of a 25+ year old, and they all agreed to put him into the AIG program!!! So starting this next week, he will be in all advanced classes!! I have to tell you that I knew he could do it because he is so very intelligent, we just had to ride his behind for YEARS to get him to this stage!! He even Scored up into the 35 year old range on some of the stuff, so I will never hear the end of how he now THINKS he is smarter then we are!!! I am so happy for him because he was starting to doubt himself as the school year has worn on, but I pushed him to test telling him I KNEW he could do it!! I guess it is more special to me because the docs never thought he would advance intellectually beyond the 4th grade, because of the Cancer and issues around it, much less come as far as he has!! When I told him again today that I was sooo proud of him, he looked at me and said "You always knew I could do it didn't you?" I told him I NEVER had one doubt that he would pass!!" I have to admit that is the best thing that his BioParents gave him and his siblings... BRAINS!!! All three of then are sooo smart!! I just had to teach him how to use what they gave him in the right way!! I remember when he first came to live with us, and he used to have huge meltdowns over schoolwork, and even threw things at us and the homeschool teacher when she came ... but we stuck to our guns, and here we are!!! Gosh can ya tell I think he is just AWESOME????!!!

Clark had a terrible reaction to his new BP meds his VA doc put him on, so we were off to see our PCP on Tuesday AM. When we got there his BP was very high as was his pulse, they wanted to do an EKG on him, but he wouldn't let them. UGH MEN!!! So, she told him that she would put him back on one of the old meds that worked fairly well for him, allong with a new one to help alleviate the swelling that he always gets when he is on it, so we will have to see how that goes. I get so freaking worried about him and that heart of his, I loose sleep over it many nights.

The DSS situation is turning into a full time commitment from me!!! I did tons of research over the weekend, and found several places where they actually broke the VA Administrative Code, by first off not sending an application for renewal, among other things. Well, yesterday I finally got a call from the Assistant Director about the letter that I sent them on the 30th of March.... took them long enough huh??!! Well, I called her back, and she wasn't there, so I left a message, but she still hasn't returned my call yet. When she does call me though, I am going to INFORM her that I have sent further correspondence to the Director, and that I sent it Certified mail, so after he gets that letter, then I will schedule an appointment for us to have a sit down, face to face. I worte the letter to him letting him know that I found the Codes that they broke, and that I can in fact have a license from their DSS here, and that our state has to honor it. That was what I found in the Interstate Compact. It just makes me sick to think that I as a Lay Person/Foster Parent know more about their jobs then they do, and all I had to do was Google the info!!! It further sickens me that they obviously think that I am an idiot or a pushover, and just won't press the issue... oh but they don't know me very well do they??? Us RedNecks do have Internet access!! LOL They have woken a sleeping BEAR, and I am NOT going to sit here and let them run all over the top of me!!!

On the "Home" front, after 3 years of living here, and dealing with a lake for a front yard everytime it rained, we are finally getting our front yard graded!! See, we put our house on an old horse racetrack, and the berm is higher out at the road in front. The new neighbors were having theirs pulled down and gettting the yard graded, so I went and asked the guy if he would do ours, and he said sure for $75 an hour... UGH that hurt my feelings, but hey after he does it I can FINALLY PLANT the trees and flowers that I have been growing in containers for the last 2 years!! Not just the planting, but we are going to have a HUGE porch on the front, and that will be sooooo nice to finally have to!! Clark and I also went and bought a NEW John Deere lawn mower!! You know you're a RedNeck Woman when the fact that you get a new John Deere riding mower is one of the highlights of the week!!! LOL We had actually bought a new Craftsman mower 2 years ago, but it SUCKS... it doesn't cut the grass right, and it ends up taking me hours to mow because I have to go soooo slow, and lap the passes, just to keep from getting uncut furrows in the grass. We got a 7 year old John Deere last year from the neighbor for free ( I swear I think Clark has some Jew in him!!) LOL He got it for free for fixing her 15 year old Snapper mower last fall, he put an $80 part on it, got it running, and then he just fell in love with how well it runs and cuts. So, after much deliberation, we just broke down and got a new one!!

My mom has been talking about coming out here for 2 weeks over the summer so that Clark and I can take a "HoneyMoon" (we didn't have one 12 years ago when we got married) and I would love it if she did!! She loves Kent so much that you would never know he wasn't her BioGrandSon!! I think it will be great for him to spend some time alone with her, not to mention that I wand to see her, and that I would LOVE to get away just Clark and I for more then a few hours!! Everytime we try to go somewhere it becomes a chore trying to find someone to take care of all the Dogs, and so Clark usually ends up sending Kent and I off alone, and staying here with them. So, needless to say we haven't had a vacation, just the 2 of us since 1. Kent came to live with us, and 2. we got all the dogs. My mom is a dog groomer, so I know she can handle the Mutts, just not sure if she can handle the Kid!! LOL

Clarks mom and dad are supposed to be coming out for a few days to visit now that Kent is offically a member of the Family , and I think my dad and step mom were going to try to come out here also!! Full house!!

I have found and discussed with Clark, and ultimately decided to send Kent to a camp in NC for physically disabled kids near Greensboro this summer for a week!! He is NOT happy about it though, and frankly I don't care!! He needs to be with kids who have the same issues that he does, and I KNOW he will have a ball and make tons of new friends!! The website is amazing, and it looks like a great place for him!! The camp is actually sponsered by Kyle & Patti Petty (of the Nascar Petty's). There is also a weekend camp up in Front Royal, VA that offers a Cancer Kids weekend that I am trying to get him into. They pick the kids up from CHKD and take them up there, the best thing is that he can take a friend with him!! I am just waiting to hear back from the recruiter to see if he can attend since he is so far out from diagnosis. I am hoping that he will have a ball because I know that he is going to be 18 way to soon for me, and I want him to have all the fun experiences that he can pack into the next few years!! So needless to say we are going to have a very BUSY SUMMER if everything works out!!

Ok, so I need to run so that I can get going on Kent's scrapbook, call all the utility people, get Clark into Andrology ( So he can drop off his "Boys"), and finish the laundry. Ugh so much to do so little time!!!

The Punches just keep coming....

Ok so here it goes...... The weekend: Friday afternoon while we were waiting for Clark to get home, I got an email from Cindy (my dear friend), and it was full of Pictures of Jacob throughout his short little life... I downloaded them to my PrintShop, and was looking at them when Kent came out of his room... I asked him if he wanted to see them since he knew Jacob, Cindy, and Bill, and he said yeah... While we were looking through the pics, he said to me "It must be hard looking at pictures of someone else's baby when you don't have any of your own." At first I totally misunderstood his statement, and asked him if he meant me looking at them, and if he did then I didn't have trouble because all of the pictures that I get from you all are pictures of your "Miracles." When I turned to ask him if he understood what I meant he had these huge tears rolling down his cheeks.... I said "Aww hunny what is that all about?", and he said to me "I didn't mean you, I meant me, I have NO Pictures of me when I was a Baby." I got it, and my poor heart just broke for this tuff little man sitting there with tears running down his face!! The pain that poor boy has over a simple little act of families all over the planet. He has one very poor photo of him as a toddler and that is it until he came into foster care!! I knew that he had said that he was upset that he didn't have photo's in the past, but to see the hurt on his face that he has nothing to show from those years, just BROKE MY HEART!! The sad thing is that there are no pictures that I know of at all. I know that his mom was asked a few years ago if she had some photos that DSS could copy for the kids, and she said that through the years she had lost them all. How freaking sad is that??? I don't know what to do to fix this for him, and that is the part that is killing me... I can fix almost everything else, but this.... UGH!!! Other then that it was a quiet weekend, and I totally decided to do a scrapbook for Kent and try to get what photos I can... so while doing some research looking for his Bio G-ma, I found out that one of my very first and favorite patients had passed away on the 21st of March. I was heart broken, I thought about her and her family all the time, and even called her brother in AZ often to see how she was doing. I found out where the funeral was, and was going to go, but the more I thought about how angry her daughter was with me when I left them .... When we got Kent I had to stop working for them... That I thought it was better not to go just to avoid making a scene. I am so very sad though. Monday: I finally got to talk with my adoption worker, and she explained a lot of things to me, so now I know why our adoption hasn't been closed here, it is still official, but they just haven't closed it out here because of the new wheelchair we are waiting for, and the Medicaid has to stay open there for us to get it. So until that happens then we will still be open here... I did however ask her if they were still required to visit Kent quarterly, and she said yes that it was Interstate Compact Law that they see him every 3 months until our adoption is closed. Then she tells me about how she had the oddest conversation with the Interstate worker that I talked to, after 1 phone conversation of like 15 minutes, 2 emails, the last time she called the woman, the lady had NO CLUE who my worker was or who she was calling about... so after a refresher, the lady tells my worker... "The next time you call me just tell me that you are calling about the WHEELCHAIR KID FROM VIRGINIA!!! @@ @@ I want to call her so bad, HOW DARE she refer to my child as the wheelchair kid from VA??? He has a damn name... so that is going in my letter to my congressman along with her freaking name!! How WRONG is that??? I had to call Clark after I hung up with my worker because I was gonna call her and chew her ass.... Some people have no couth, and she works for DSS for crying out loud!!! UGH I spent the rest of the day just pissed off because of that stupid comment. Tuesday: I got a letter late yesterday from DSS about a class that they are offering, so I called the worker listed on the sheet and left a message... See last week in my cleaning frenzy, I came across my Foster Care license, and noticed that it expires the 31st of this month.. Ut Oh... so I also left that in the message to her. Not sure why I haven't gotten the paperwork to renew yet, but I have a SNEAKING feeling that it has a lot to do with just one caseworker. I have decided to write a letter to the director of DSS to bring this to his attention, because I don't think it was just a little over site if you catch my drift!! I almost forgot.. I got a call from the wheelchair people Friday, and he told me it will be the middle of April before the chair will be ready.. UGH, I don't know why in the hell it takes MONTHS for this stuff to get done... we started all this crap on the 15th of November for crying out loud!! Kent's old chair is just so raggedy it isn't even funny... hell the thing has been with him since he was 6... so it is more then time for a new one... I guess we will order some new tires for it, and keep it as a spare since the new one he is getting doesn't fold up. I wrote and sent my letter to my congressman today about all the crap that I have been trying to get done with DSS here, and then about the comment that the Interstate worker said, and I hear he really takes stuff like that serious, so I am hoping that he can help me... I only put in the part about the Interstate Compact, and the fact that they should have been here 3 times that they missed, and the wheelchair comment. I hope that he can help me out. I have heard just horrible things from teachers here about DSS and the lack of concern for the kids in this county that it just makes me sick. How these people get away with this crap is beyond me... hmm maybe I need a new mission!!! Wednesday: This gets even more interesting everyday.... I finally got a call back from the worker in charge of that class I called about on Monday... well I told her there is no point in me coming if I am not going to be a foster parent after the 31st, and she was like uhhhh yeah I need you to talk to another worker about this whole thing... so she transfers me to that worker ( I know him well, and don't like him as it is) and this is what he had to say.... They screwed up, and should have never renewed our license 2 years ago, and that is the reason that they wouldn't place kids with us... ahhh but no one ever flipping told me!! So to make a long story short, we haven't been LEGALLY LICENSED Foster Parents for 2 freaking years, because we moved, and they had no legal right to license us again. I tell you what I am so upset and confused as to how this happened. We don't have the time to take the classes here because they have them starting at 6 PM, and Clark doesn't get home til 5:30 or later, and they don't have a Saturday class, not to mention the fact that they don't allow you to bring kids, and I am NOT leaving Kent home alone that late at night. UGH, I feel like I was literally just blown out of the water!! So I guess my foster parent days are over for a long time.... :o( I feel like they have stolen a part of my identity to tell you the truth, Clark doesn't see it that way, and now he is worried about the legal ramifications it could have, but I have already spoken to an attorney weeks ago, and he said that we have a case if push comes to shove. But I decided to send the 3 page letter I had written to the director anyway, and see what happens. I can play stupid just as well as they can.....Thursday: Well, Kent had an appointment with his Psych today, so we went to that, and then I drug him to Michael's and he helped me pick out all the stuff for HIS scrapbook!!! We had a ball, I love that freaking store... I spent $131.00, and I know Clark is gonna trip, but it is worth it to me to make this Memory Book for him!! After that I got us some lunch, and wouldn't you know it I had to wait almost 10 minutes for french fries, so I was late to my psych appointment, It went well. I mailed the letters to the director and asst director while I was out so they would get them faster, and now I will sit back and see. Then we got my scripts, and came home. It was really a long day, and I was sooo beat by 8 that I couldn't keep my eyes open. So, here I am and it is Friday morning, wonder what this day will hold?? I have been having some spotting all week long, and I don't know why really, but today is only CD 25, so I have no idea what those little ovaries are up to down there, I have still been having all kinds of twinges and pains in both of them, so i guess I am gonna have to break down and go see the PCP to see if she can find anything wrong with them. She will prolly tell me to see my GYN... don't have one, so gonna have to do that... crap I guess this day is gonna be long after all. I wanted to get started on the Book today to, but Kent is out of school today, so it is gonna have to wait... I went through all of our photos, and pulled tons out to put in it, I guess I am just hoping this will in some way make him feel so much better. So, off I go to the wonderful life I have to run......

It's been a LONG week.....

Ugh, I had a long frustrating week this week so I am days late getting here.... day by day blow by blow coming right up.....Monday: I went to see my psychiatrist and I told him that splitting my meds was driving me nuts... when I took the AM dose, it made me sooo tired for like 5 hours, so he switched me to all of them at night.. we will see how this works... I spent the rest of the day cleaning, and running crap to the dump... good Lord I didn't realize 3 people could have so much JUNK!!! Tuesday: I got out of the house early this AM. Went up to VA, hit PetSmart for dog food and hermit crab stuff, hit the PO to mail a special box, and then to Walmart for some stuff I need to finish organizing my "craft" room. I got pretty pissed at WalMart because the checker was slow as molasses and made me late for my dr appointment, and I didn't even have that much... she literally counted every bin I had and rang them up separately!! I had 15 of them... uh hello scan one, and then hit repeat... nope she had to do each one of them!! UGH My therapy visit was good, we talked a lot about the Infertility issues that I have, and the upcoming cycles that we will be doing, talked about Kent, and some other things. I like her she seems like a really nice lady!! She brought a few things to my attention that I am gonna have to really think about until I see her the next time. After that appointment, I came home and hit the house again!! Boy is my hunny gonna be proud!!! Wednesday: Today was a DOWN day... I cannot tell you how hard it is for me right now to have soooo many people around me getting pregnant... quite a few of them in the last week and a half have been "oops" pregnancies. Not that I begrudge any of them don't get me wrong, it is just so very hard to watch everyone get the one thing that I want so badly, and get it so seemingly easy. It has been really eating at me... I think it has a lot ot do with my impending birthday, and the fact that I really thought that I would be done having kids already. Just goes to show how far off center your childhood dreams can be!! May is going to be a pretty hard month because I have 3 friends due then, one of them is having her miracle baby though, so I am sooo happy for her, happy for all of them, but there is a little green man on my shoulder, and he isn't a leprechaun!! I hate that I am jealous, but I guess it is normal. I just keep praying everyday that I will be able to thump that little green man right off my shoulder SOON!! I wasn't feeling good this afternoon, my ovaries have really been bothering me the last 2 months, and I am not sure what is going on, all I know is that it is both of them at the same time, and it gets pretty painful. The only way that I can get comfy is to sit down or lay all curled up. Advil hasn't been working, and on top of it all when they start doing this I get horrible lower back pain, so I am gonna have to ask my PCP about this. I was surprised to feel them hurting because last week there was nothing there on either one when Dr. B did the ultrasound at my work up visit... Hmmmm. Kent had a 'tude tonight and I was soooo not in the mood so he kinda got his head bitten off when he copped that tude over dinner... UGH I will have to warn him ahead of time of the risk to his life when I do not feel well!! Thursday: Nother one of those "bad" days, feeling sorry for myself, but I got up and cleaned all day again... drawers and cabinets were the biggies today... the house is getting a total spring cleaning because I am sick of looking at it!! It is freaking the dogs out I think though cuz they just keep looking at me like "What got into you!!" Course they are most of the reason I have to vacumme almost everyday!! SLOBS!! LOL I love them though. At least their daddy will be home tomorrow, and they can stare at him!! My tummy has been off today to so that has slowed me down a little to if you catch my drift!! But for the most part I have gotten most of the stuff done that I wanted to before Clark came home.... He thinks he's is just gonna drive right through, so I will be seeing him late Friday night. My adoption worker finally returned my call this afternoon, but I was taking a nap (go figure), and Kent couldn't find the phone (go figure) so she had to leave a message... Hmm I tell you people just DO NOT LISTEN TO ME when I talk... she said that she had talked to the Interstate worker, and they seem to think that I am only worried about medicaid, when that wasn't what I was talking about at all.... What part of I want my ADOPTION closed out with the county and state do they not freaking get???? I am not worried about the medicaid as Kent is on our insurance, so that isn't it. I have had issues with the IRS, can't file my taxes yet, the Social Security Admin. because his name hasn't been changed. It is driving me freaking NUTS, and I literally broke it down for the interstate worker... but alas no one listens!! I cannot believe these people have degree's sometimes!! UGH!!! So now that I have gotten some of that frustration out, today isn't looking to good!! It is raining, so the weather makes for a dark mood with me... I am going to try to get some things done on the phone today, and finish the cleaning that I need to.... I already got off to a bad start though... Blew making coffee this AM... I set it all up last night and went to bed only to wake up to it flowing all over the counter grinds and all.... I forgot to put the pot back after I filled the reservoir!! UGH. Boy that was a freaking mess!! Lastly....... Happy Birthday in Heaven Jacob!!! I miss you little man, and I pray that you are having so much fun with your brothers up there!! Let your mommy know you are there today, because I know she misses you terribly!! I wish you were still here making her everyday a joy, but I know that you are whole up there with the Big Guy. So, look over your mommy, daddy, and big brother today!! I love you!!!