April 20, 2009

9dp3dt...

I tested this morning and it was negative. There could still be some hope, but I am not counting on it. I will keep testing til Beta on Thursday, but honestly I am not expecting anything to change. I am completely at a loss for words or anything right now.

I have been in a very bad place since the night before transfer, and I am finally able to come clean about why.

A few years ago my MIL did something that really pissed me off, and hurt me deeply having to do with a NieceD pregnancy announcement, just when we had started our first IVF. Well, the Friday night before our transfer, I called to tell her Happy Easter, and Happy Birthday as they were both coming up in the next few days, and I didn't want to forget. She asked me how things were, and I told her about our cycle, how we had switched things up in hopes of making a difference this time around. After the conversation ended on my part, she asked me if I wanted to hear her news. I said sure, totally thinking it had something to do with Clark's Gma, who lives with them, when she blurts out this shit.....

"Well, you know NieceD and her hubby, S, are getting divorced right??"

"No, I didn't know that. I knew they had separated because of the Child Molestation charges (long story), but I had no idea they were getting divorced."

"Well, yeah they are getting divorced, and she just called me yesterday and told me that she is pregnant."

"Oh wow, is it S's baby??"

"Nope, some guy she just met"

"Wow, is she going to keep it?"

"Of course why wouldn't she?"

"Well, I am not saying that she shouldn't, I just didn't know."

"Yeah well I have to run I have stuff to do. Talk to you later."

Now this is the same niece that was pregnant the last time she did this, and in just the same kind of hurtful way. First off, I don't care who gets pregnant, but come the fuck on, you have 2 kids under 5, you are getting divorced from your spouse, and you go get pregnant by some man you hardly know.

Internets, PLEASE FUCKING explain to me why I should be HAPPY for her, because I am at a loss with this one completely.

Needless to say this has been on my mind all the time since she told me, and I can't get it off my brain to save my life... now it looks as though our last attempt has failed, and I am just spiraling down here. If I hear good news on Thursday I will let you know, but as of right now I need to step away from IF altogether. I just need to clear my head and my heart for what lays ahead.

Love you all... Rebel

18 comments:

Kristin said...

Oh honey...I am really sorry about it all. Praying that you get some surprise good news.

As for the niece, I don't think you should be happy for her. Children are blessings but that is NOT a good situation and I wouldn't be happy either.

{{{Hugs}}}

Megan's Infertility said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think you should be happy for her...I wouldn't be...BUT thats just me.

Different situation for me but same hurtfulness. My sister has no job and got pregnant by her five time in jail criminal boyfriend and they now have a 4 month old son living in my moms house..still no job between them and my mom pays for EVERYTHING...I'm not happy for them at all but I help my nephew out because he did nothing wrong.

Man your MIL can be hurtful...she's glad she's not my MIL because I would have totally put her in her place...and not in a good way!

Hope things get better for you!

::HUGS::

momofonefornow said...

Shit, Shit, Shit!! I hate that you are getting negatives. Hate it. I really had hoped that this would work. :0(

Paige said...

I got my first faint line at 11dp3dt, still hope! Praying for you.

Jason and Samantha said...

I'm so sorry.

And no I don't think you should be happy for her! (HUG)

Kristine said...

Still praying for you. Hugs.

libby @ ninesandquines said...

Rebel, you have EVERY reason to feel the way you do about NieceD...and the insensitivity of your MIL is absolutely unbelievable (actually, no it's not - mine's the same way). And no, you don't have to be happy for her....hang in there kiddo....

A Decade of BFNs said...

It isn't over until the biatch sings!!! I am keeping it all crossed for you. I am sorry about your family. I think that's why I kept it a secret as long as I did. I would not be happy for the neice either. I have been through prenancy after pregnancy of every female in DH's family in the last 11 years...multiple pregnancies for welfare cases still living home with mommy...pregnancies where all three of the children have different fathers....and this is who gets off easy...not the one w/ a stable home and a job and a big ass heart...but the 15 year old that would rather be out hunting guys than in school...so yea...be angry be very angry it's ok.

Aunt Becky said...

I'm sorry, Rebel. I hope that test is wrong.

Lorraine said...

First, I just want to say that you are only 12 days past what would have been ovulation in a natural cycle - that's early, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything. A lot of IVFs get positives early because of twins or vanishing twins, triplets, etc. but if you have just one going in there you might need more time.

And, second - molestation? Divorce? Unplanned pregnancy? I don't think being happy for this person is really an option.

GiggleBuns McCracken said...

HUG. Hang in there and test again in a few days. Yeah, I am mad at your MIL, NieceD too. You dont have to be happy for her!

Kahla said...

You're still early, don't give up! Sending lots of prayers your way!! (and I would not be happy for your niece, it's actually rather sad in my book)

My Reality said...

Fuck. I really hope you just tested too early. Really hope.

I hate insensitive MIL's. I've got one, too.

Thinking of you.

astral said...

I'm crossing everything I have for good news tomorrow :-) Some people just plain suck. I would be upset too.

poison ivy said...

(((big hugs, sweetie)))

Barefoot said...

Hang in there -- I'm sending hopeful vibes your way for Thursday.

I have no words for the news from your MIL, or the timing of her delivery. Goodness gracious.

Best When Used By said...

What a crappy thing for your MIL to bring up just before your transfer. Like you really needed to have that conversation at that moment. Happy Easter, Happy, Birthday and Happy Long Walk off a Short Pier, MIL!

Second, um, who says you HAVE TO be happy for NieceKnockedUpBySomeGuy???? No rule I ever saw. Repeat after me: "Whatever."

Praying for your beta.

Lost in Space said...

Hugs, hun. I'm so sorry for it all and really hope your test is wrong. Hang in there, sweetie....