Finally!!!

Well, retrieval will be in the morning!!! I took the Overidil shot last night, and woke up feeling like yuck!! Gotta love that HCG huh??!! I went in this AM for monitoring, and I had about 30 follies!! They were all at about 19-20 with a few 16's in there, but she said that they are to the point now where they aren't going to get any bigger, so they scheduled me for 6:45 tomorrow. I am just glad that the end is finally in sight!! We are doing ICSI so they will go with what is mature, and let me know Wednesday, what the fert. rate is. I guess my E2 is still low, so that is a good thing, maybe I will get to skip the OHSS this time!! Even if I don't though it should just be mild. Clark is to cute about tomorrow, and has been looking forward to getting this over with as much as I have!! Tomorrow is his dad's birthday, so maybe that will give us a little good luck!! I am feeling a lot more positive about this cycle then the last one, so say a little prayer that this is the ONE!!!

I will try to post tomorrow and let you know what we got!!!

The never ending cycle.....

Well the old ovaries have decided that slow and steady wins the race this time I guess!!! I went in yesterday (Saturday) for blood work, and U/S, and my follies were all only 16's at the most... well except for one huge 20 on my left side. So, I waited for hours, and they never called with my results, so I finally called them, and was told to stay on the 200 units, for Saturday, take the HCG injection at 10:00 PM on Sunday, come to clinic Monday by 8 AM, and then hopefully retrieval will be Tuesday... HOPEFULLY!!!! I have yet to figure out what in the hell is going on with my ovaries!! I really didn't think that 50 units was going to make this big of a difference, but I guess I was wrong!! I don't think the docs thought that I was going to move this slow either!! The good thing is that it means that my E2 level is staying low, and that is a good thing right now as it will help lessen the risk of severe OHSS this time!!

I have been having some weird things happen to me over this cycle, and I will try to get the time to tell you about them tomorrow when I get home from clinic!! Have a nice night!!

Moving right along....

Well yesterday I had blood work and a scan, and everything is looking really good. All the follies were between 13-15, and when I called later about the E2 level, they told me to stay on the 200 units, and to come in Saturday instead of this morning, so that must mean that my E2 is still low. Amazing what a difference 50 units makes!!! I am glad that every thing seems to be going better this time then last as I know that I couldn't handle OHSS as severe as it was last time. I am sure that I will have a mild case as that just seems to be my luck, but we will see!! So I have to go back in the morning, and I am pretty sure that I will do the ret. on Monday, and transfer on Thursday, but I have to wait and see.

Work has been keeping me busy, in fact that is where I am off to in a few minutes. Kent is still having issues in Math, and it looks like the trip isn't going to happen for him, so now I get to try to get my damn money back... I see a meeting with the school board in the near future!!!

Oh well, I will write tomorrow and tell ya how it all goes... I may have a post later about some things that are going on with my mom and I, but I will see if I can get to it later... been bugging the shit out of me.... UGH PARENTS!!! LOL... Later

Two at the same time...

Updates that is... see I told you my life was CRAZY!!! Between work and dealing with all the meetings for high school registration, it has been nuts here.....

Thursdays appointment went OK. I freaked out at first because they made me sign a financial waiver saying that my insurance might not pay because the clinic is all in-house now. Well that didn't sit well with me, and I demanded to talk to the lady in the business office.... She assured me that they were making all insurance patients sign because they were having issues with the companies not wanting to pay, but she said mine wasn't the one giving them any grief. Hell I wouldn't even let them draw my blood before I talked to her!! So after all that I got to see the doc, and he did the mock transfer, said that my cervix looked great (good thing huh??) and that my ovaries looked great to, but that they were the perfect picture of OHSS likely ovaries... I told him yeah I kinda figured that, but we weren't going to do that this time RIGHT??!! He said that they had agreed that I would start on less meds this time, and they would go from there. So I was put on 200 units of F*llistim, and of course the L*pron every morning.

The weekend was hell, I had to work all weekend, and even though it isn't many hours at once, I have to be up and out of the house by 6 AM to get to where I need to be... fun, fun!!!

So Yesterdays appointment at the clinic was good to... I have 12 or so follies on the right ovary measuring 7-8-9, and about 7 on the left ovary the same sizes. Doc said that is good, and we are moving right along. Last night when I got my instructions, they told me to stay on 200 units, and come back Thursday morning. This has me a little worried because last time Thursday was where my E2 decided to skyrocket out of control... UGH, but maybe this less amount will be the key. So I guess as things go right now we are looking at retrieval on Monday the 30th unless something changes drastically by Thursday. I do know that I am not feeling as much going on with my ovaries as I was this time last cycle, so I hope that is a good thing!!

So other then being busy out of my mind nothing else has really been going on to report.... Other then the trip issue, which I will resolve one way or another. So off, to work I go again!! You guys have a great day!! BTW, thanks for all the comments, it is soooo nice to know that I have a support system here that I can depend on when I need you!! I may not get to respond to your blogs all the time, but I do try to read them... that has been one of the reasons that I have a hard time updating... I have so many of you to look in on!!! Hugs!!

Hmmmmm.........

That is how I am feeling today... L*pron is making me soooo freaking tired, OK maybe it is the fact that I cut out almost all of my caffeine that is doing it, but DAMN I am tired all the time now!!

I am having tons and tons of apprehension about this cycle, and it grows worse everyday that I get closer to stims, which should be on Thursday. I am really trying to embrace the whole thing, but I remember my little friend OHSS all to well, and I am still scared of her!!! I really want IVF to work, but I have this little voice in the back of my head all the time telling me that I am stupid and that this isn't going to work either. I guess I got so used to hearing that voice all these years, that it is hard to drown the bitch out now. I feel fear and failure so close on my heels, and I am trying to outrun it with all that I have, but it just keeps creeping closer every time I think about it. I just wish that this was easy, hell I just wish all I had to do was have sex to get pregnant, but obviously that doesn't work. I guess my biggest fear is that IVF won't work, and then I will be left with nothing more to do. I have already said that another adoption is out for us, so that isn't an option. I know myself, and I just know that this failure will be all to hard for me to swallow, even though I have already accepted it, I will still be torn down when that time comes, and the grief floods over me.
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April 18

Well, I have been trying to finish this for 3 freaking days, and life just keeps getting in the way!!!

Work has been keeping me occupied along with trying to help a friend get into a house, that is done, and all I need now is for something else to come up.... yeah well tomorrow is my suppression check, and hopefully I will start stims. I have been trying very hard to have a positive attitude right now, and I think that I am getting there. Every morning I have been telling myself that THIS WILL WORK, and that in less then 3 weeks I will be pregnant... God willing!!!

I had a talk with Kent's teacher on Monday about this trip, and the fact that he will be on probation... she told me to keep my mouth shut and to try to help him get his grades up before midterms come out.... boy this is who I want teaching my kid... so then she tells me that if he doesn't then I am out $350.00!! Uh I don't think so!! She then goes on to tell me that they have made so many arraignments for Kent due to his wheelchair, yada yada yada, that I should just talk to his teachers and explain that I really need them to get his grades up??!! Well, I for one don't encourage my son to take advantage of the fact that he is handicapped, and I will not tell his teachers to give him grades that he didn't earn... I am so angry with her right now that I could slap her!!! He isn't mentally handicapped, and is in all advanced classes, I know the child isn't stupid, so why in the hell would I ask for special treatment because he is in a wheelchair?? I won't, and I will have a long talk with the principal if we don't go to let her know how unhappy I am with this whole situation. This is supposed to be an Honor Society, and the lead teacher wants me to be dishonest... hmmmmmm. That is just one of the things that had my blood boiling this week. The other being that I have had a lot of pain on my left side since starting the L*pron, and no one will let me come in to see what is going on, so I am praying that I don't have a cyst when I go in tomorrow, not to mention the fact that they are starting me on the same amount of stims, so I need to clarify that they are going to be watching me closer this time... I am just starting to freak out all over again... UGH!!

Well I will check in again tomorrow and let you know how it goes... that is if I can get here!! LOL I have to leave my house at 6:30 to get there by 8, and I am soooo not a morning person!!! UGH again!! Night!!!

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

I so got to see a baby be born today, and it was amazing!!!

There I was at 9:20 driving to run a ton of errands when my cell rings, and it is my one of my close friends (the one I threw the baby shower for) telling me that she thinks that her water broke. I couldn't do anything at that point, so I told her to keep me updated, and I picked up my IF drugs, took Kent shoe shopping, and went to my laser hair removal appointment all by 11:15. When I got back on the road I called her cell, her friend answered and told me that they had just gotten to the hospital, she was dilated to an 8, 100% effaced, and was feeling like she had to push. So I told them I was about 20 minutes away, and I would be right there. I got Kent some lunch from Wend*'s and got in the room about 11:45. She was pretty upset because they told her no epidural, but they gave her some N*bain to help her out. She was to cute telling me that I was stupid for wanting to do this!! I just laughed at her, and told her if I was stupid then so was she. Her Doc got there at about 12:20, checked her, looked at the nurse, and said "Break this bed down NOW!!!" I was told along with her other friend to grab a foot, so I did. Mary started pushing with her next contraction, and a little head full of hair was right there!! I have to tell you I was mesmerized.... I could not take my eyes off that little head...... 5 pushes and like 2 minutes later little man was born!! I was crying, and ended up getting soaked from all the fluid that followed him out, but hell I didn't care!!! That was just awesome!! He was so tiny and perfect!!! Mary did so good, no tears, nothing!!!! I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to be there, and I told her that, and she hugged me and said that she was so glad that I was there with her!! I had to rush out after that because I had to get home, drop Kent off and get to work, but that just made my day!!! The one really funny thing was that the Crimson Bitch had shown her ugly face that morning, and I SWEAR that every time she had a contraction, I had a cramp!! We were all laughing about that, the nurse said it must have been sympathy pains!! It made my whole day just to have been there for that!!! I have waited 38 weeks for that little guy to be born, and while I am sure that it is nothing like his mommy feels, I am so filled with joy to finally meet him!!!

So, in other news..... Yeah the Crimson Bitch showed, and I was a little confused, so I called the IVF nurse because I wasn't supposed to take my last BCP until tomorrow, so I didn't know what was going on, and if they wanted me to come in early. She told me to just keep next Thursdays appointment, but to stay on the l*pron and all that. I have been so freaking tired from the l*pron and having terrible headaches that I am already over it, and it hasn't even been a week yet. I have cut almost all of my caffeine out and the RE seems to think that isn't helping me with the headaches right now either. UGH, I am really trying to do this cycle right, but I am feeling like HELL right now!! LOL

The cat is doing a lot better, in fact he is right back to his annoying old self!!

Work is exhausting, I love the couple that I work with, but they are really starting to drain the life out of me!! They are very sweet, but have no one else to talk to so, when I come it is like they try to fit in every thought that they had in the last 22 hours since they saw me into the three that I am there!! She even asked me if I plan on still coming if I get pregnant, and hell I wasn't even thinking that far ahead!! I guess that they have just been taken advantage of to many times, and now that they have a good "nurse" (not tooting my horn, but I am awesome at what I do) they are very worried about losing me.... not that I blame them, a lot of the aides that work in this field are pretty damn lazy!!! I hate it, it makes it that much harder for me to be trusted.

We are having a porch built on on the front of our house, and guess when they will be starting?? That's right the week I should be having my ER and ET... so that ought to be interesting. I am praying to God that I don't get OHSS this time because that will mean that I will be laying here listening to them bang on my house while I am in severe pain.... Oh the fun!!!

Well, I am off to bed, it has been another long day, and promises to be another, and another... I will be sooo happy when Saturday gets here!!!!

Another one Bites the Dust....

Another week that is, and what a hell of a week it has been... I am gonna give you the short version, because I have no time or energy tonight.

#1- My cat decided on Wednesday that it would be great to chew up a few little vials of K-9 Advantix, and I found him seizing in the back bedroom, so I ended up rushing him to the vet. It was touch and go til Friday when he seemed to start coming around. He came home on Saturday, and is still acting "funny" and the vet isn't sure if he will ever be quite normal again. I have to tell you that I knew it could make my cats sick, and that is why we stopped using it, but no one said it was TOXIC to cats, and would kill them!! I totally forgot to throw out the old vials, and he got at them. I learned my lesson, and shelled out 800 bucks in the process. He is doing a little better everyday, so I am hoping that he will be back to his old self, but it will take time.

#2- Kent got a 77 in Math, and then found out on Friday when he got his report card that a few of his other grades went down, so now he will be on probation with the Beta Club, and that means no trip in May. I wasn't mad at him, because he was pretty hard on himself. I asked if he was doing the best that he could do, and he said yes he was... well that is all I can ask for, and since the poor kid was crying his eyes out, I wasn't going to chew him out and make it worse. He is hard enough on himself for all of us!! I just told him that I had better get my room deposit back!!

#3- I started L*pron on Thursday, but it was the old vial because low and behold StupidInsCo is playing games again. It took me until after 7 on Friday to get everything worked out, and then the Pharmacy was closed for the weekend... I still wasn't able to get there today with all that has been going on, my phone has been ringing off the freaking hook.

I have been so stressed out that I feel like I am going to bust. Clark is still having issues with his meds, and has been a bear to live with for the most part, so I have been trying to give him a lot of latitude the last few weeks. I am just as frustrated for him, as he is for himself!! Work is going ok, but it is pretty interesting to say the least. Other then that, a lot of little things are driving me nuts, and I stop the BCP's this Thursday, so hopefully that will help my mood a little... along with a few other things getting settled then I will be in a way better place.

BTW, Kent has been doing a lot better after I talked to him last week, I told him that I knew he was frustrated, but that he has to learn how to talk to me instead of just acting like a little butt head, so he has been really great, except for a little hollering match that he got into Clark with on Friday night, but they worked that one out to!! Gotta love teens!!! Ok, so I am off to bed, I have a VERY BUSY day tomorrow to make up for having the day off today!! LOL

Did ya miss me???

Boy it doesn't feel like a week since I wrote last, but it has been.... geez, and what a week it has been!!! I have worked for 9 days straight, and won't be off again til Saturday, so in my down time I have been catching up on my other blogs and seeing what is going on with all my "girls". I also spent a lot of Sunday watching the entries to the IIFF, and all I can say is WOW!!! there were a lot of tears shed in front of my computer that day!! I don't know how to post a link in my actual post, so I will put the link in my side bar for those of you who don't already have it... very powerful stuff there!!!!

So busy, busy girl I have been. We actually went looking for a new van on Saturday, and all I can say is HOLY SHIT!!! The conversion vans that we looked at that had the lift and all that we need for Kent were 50 grand brand new, and the cheapest used one that they had was still 26 grand!! I have no idea how anyone can afford that!! I kills me that I cannot afford to get a decent van for us. Our biggest issue is that it has to be one that Kent will be able to drive in, so I cannot even see buying a new one, cuz we all know how teens are with cars!!! Hell, that kid can't even go through the house in his wheelchair without running into the walls, so no way am I buying a 2007 anything!!! Like I said though even the used ones aren't cheap!! I told Clark to just forget getting anything and just make Kent transfer in and out of the van we have, but he said no because I would still have to pick up his wheelchair to put it in the van. I told him that was fine with me, and he said that it wasn't fine with him because if I got pregnant he didn't want me lifting anything at all!! Oh what a man I have!!! The other thing is that when Kent leaves for college in a few years, the van will go with him, so we will be looking for another car then to. It has been an all around frustrating situation!!

We have also been experiencing some really severe problems with Kent's attitude... yeah, yeah I know he is 15, but this has gone to a whole new level for even him. See, Kent has this problem with us even saying anything about him being handicapped, so you can imagine how Saturdays trip went over!! He was outwardly hostile for the rest of the weekend, and told me that I spend to much time worrying about him being disabled, and not treating him like a normal kid... Uh OK EXCUSE the hell out of me if I am trying to make your life easier!! I explained to him that he is not a normal 15 year old physically, and he needs to stop denying that he is in a wheelchair, adapt and over come... well that went over like a fart in the wind!!! He is such a smart kid, and love him to death, but at this point I am starting to get pretty resentful of this whole attitude that he has. I talked to my therapist about it today, and she feels that it is one of 2 things.... A) He has realized that he is growing up, and it scared the crap out of him... or .... B) He is having problems dealing with us doing IVF, and that if we get PG then he won't be the "baby" anymore. I don't know what it is though, and today when I tried to talk to him about it, I got the standard teen response... "I don't want to talk about it!!" So, it looks like he will be going back to his therapist for some tweaking!!!

I was supposed to go pick up my meds today, but there was a problem with the insurance, and a misunderstanding at the clinic, and my pre-auth didn't get faxed until yesterday.... lucky for me I have L*pron from my last cycle so I am just going to start on that if they can't get it ready in time. I wasn't supposed to start on the L*pron until CD21 but they changed it to CD 14, and no one told the business office!! No biggie, just a little irritating because work makes it hard for me to just get up and run an hour there and back!!

So, off to bed I go... long day tomorrow to!!! I haven't seen my Tivo'd "Day's of Our Lives" in almost a week, so that is what I am doing in the morning before I leave!! Oh I love that TIVO!!!