I think I am losing it.....

I really think I am....

Husband in bed... Check
Son in bed... Check
Dogs in bed... Check
Cats... irritating the hell out of each other... Check

But do you think I can carry my ass to bed?? Hell no!!

In less then 12 hours I will once again don the paper towel, that in my RE's office constitutes coverage of the lower half, lay back, put my legs up, slide forward... slide a little further down now, and have that condom and goo covered dildo cam so politely shoved... well you know where, just to see if my ovaries are suppressed enough to begin stims!! I am sitting here freaking the hell out. My anxiety level over the last few days has been skyrocketing out of control. Every time I think of tomorrow morning, I get almost sick enough to PUKE!! I just KNOW those little shits are gonna pull something, they always do. I have been feeling the "noise" in my pelvis again the last few days, and hoping like hell that it is my bowels reacting to all the extra drugs in my system, and not those little creeps screwing around again. Man they better not mess this up!!!

I have been pretty crappy feeling the last few days, and had one hell of a migraine yesterday, never did really get rid of it all the way either... it is still there in the front of my skull pounding like a little heartbeat, and driving me NUTS.

I actually did something today that I wasn't sure I had the guts for... I went to an OB appointment with a 25 week PG friend. Yeah I know I love to torture myself!! Actually it was a 2 fold thing for me... she LOVES her OB, and I wanted to see what they were like, and if they took my ins. because hell, I just might need them soon.... LOL!! But really, they were awesome, the office was great, and HELLO they take my ins.!!!! The girl at the desk even promised me that if I did come they would put me on the IF list... I asked if that meant that we were all unstable, and demanding, and she just grinned!! I liked that!! Yeah there were bellies, and lots of them, but for some reason it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, maybe it was the mission that I was on that made it easier. The cool part is that her midwife knows my RE, and Loves her, so that was a plus for them to!! I also got to hear my friend M's babies heart beat.... God, I never get tired of hearing that!! So, all in all it was a great day.

BTW, it is National DeLurking Week, and I know that I have a few readers out there!! So, in the spirit of the week, I would love for my Lurkers to come out and ask me some questions. I won't divulge the pertinent personal info that keeps me anonymous, but I will try to answer them the best that I can!!

If you get a chance, whisper a little prayer that I will get good news tomorrow at the suppression check as I am not sure if my little heart could handle yet another cancelled cycle. I also have the inside line on a possible DSS adoption of an infant, but I am going to keep that hope at bay until I find out just what is up with that..... not holding my breath on anything when it comes to DSS!! But I will keep you updated as I know things. So Internets, I am off to try to reason with my brain over the fact that I DO NEED SOME SLEEP TONIGHT!!!! Bye!!

I did a Bad, Bad Thing....

I had to go to mega PetFoodStoreConglomerate this past Friday to buy our monthly supply of dog food. Living in the boonies affords me this trip about once a month or every six weeks depending.... Remember, I told you the shopping down here SUCKS. Well, the vet said it was time to place one of our dogs on FatDog dog food, and the stores here don't carry the one that we decided to get. So I went on the journey to purchase it. I had about $25.00 in coupons (they owed me six bucks from a prior visit in which they overcharged me), and I carry a frequent shopper card for said store that saves me on average 2 dollars a bag most times. I got what I needed which made the already hard to steer cart, a bitch to get to the checkout. I had 5 huge bags (40 pounds each) of the FatDog dog food, one regular of our old (to mix with new to avoid massive and nasty doggie gas) a bag of cat food, and several little bags of soft treats. When all was said and done the girl says to me 69 something, close to 70 bucks. Wow what a freaking deal.. the checkout girl thought so to. So I whip out the old checkcard, pay, and mosey out to my van. After loading said food, and climbing in to the van I got to thinking about the price, and I just couldn't think how in the hell it had been so freaking cheap.... ahhh the girl had only charged me for one bag of FatDog dog food.

So, I drove off, that is right I drove off. Of course before I did I had a flash of a thought... OMG if I do this then the powers that be could keep me from getting a positive for this cycle ... and about 10 other thoughts about how this could possibly effect my IVF, or life in general... I am a firm believer in Karma damnit!!!

Now to my defense.... A few months ago I bought some new fish for Kent at said PetFoodStoreConglomerate to the tune of about $65.00 along with a few other supplies. Now unbeknownst to me you should not put that many goldfish in a tank the size that we had because their urine will kill them... ahhh but noone told me that when I was buying them, and I ASKED. So, one by one the fish died, and I was soon freaking out because Kent was getting pretty rattled by the time the 5th one bit it. So I called PetFoodStoreConglomerate to ask what I should do, and the lady told me to bring the corpses up and they would refund me or give me more. Umm well ok, but there wasn't much left by the time we found them, and I wasn't going to go up there every two freaking days when we lost yet another one. So she tells me that is the only way that I am going to get them replaced or get my money back. So I ask her why the guy selling me the fish, who professed his great knowledge didn't tell me about the urine thing, and her response... "Well, you should have bought the goldfish care manual when you were here."

So ... do I feel guilty for not paying PetFoodStoreConglomerate for the dog food the girl didn't ring up??? HELL NO!!! Besides the differance in the 2 was about 10 bucks... ok there now I feel better!!

Poking right along....

Well, today marks one week of stabbing myself with tiny needles, and the last day of BCP's for what I hope will be one hell of a long time!!! I have been doing pretty ruff with the side effects of the combo this time. The last time I was just on the L*pron alone, I had no issues really, just little stuff here and there..... but this time, there have been headaches, sleep disturbances (mostly not being able to be disturbed enough to sleep), nausea in a big way, and a thirst that would make a seasoned alcoholic jealous (but I stay away from the "hard" stuff!!). So, needless to say this has not been a fun week, and I am hoping that by not having the pill in the mix, things will get better. My ovaries settled down after about the end of the 2nd day, so that isn't a worry anymore. No pressure, constant peeing, bloating or anything else, so I will cross my legs and pray that is a good sign.

I ordered a t-shirt last week, and it finally came tonight. I am excited because I am going to wear it when I go to Clinic next week. It has a HUGE blank name tag on it... you know the ones that they give out when you go to a meeting, or a convention... it says "Hello my name is...." and then has a spot for your name.... well I had it personalized to have my name be.... Mrs. Murphy. I know you know what I was aiming for.... Murphy's Law. I am trying to be a little light about this whole thing, and feel like I really just needed some serious humor to start my Stims off on the right foot!! Ok, I actually just want to be a total smart ass, but hey whatever works right??

Kent came home from school today with some VERY good news... he was asked to join the Junior Beta Club at school!! This is a very select group of honor students, and he has really been working hard for the last year and a half to keep his grades up to be asked. The kids have to carry a 93% average for the 7th grade, and the first 2 quarters of the 8th grade, and then be nominated to join. We are so proud of him because this is such an achievement for him. This is the kid they thought was going to never have an above 3rd grade intelligence due to his tumor/cancer... guess he showed them huh??!! He just continues to amaze his mom and dad so much with how far he has come!! I can't even believe this is the same kid that I brought home almost 5 years ago!! GO KENT!!! Oh yeah and on another note.. the GIRLS are getting a little more interested in him now, and he is LOVING that to.... ahhh to be a fly on those walls!!!

Well, it has been a very long day, and I have to go out all day tomorrow, so I need to hit the sack... I will see you later.....

I updated....

I have decided that I am gonna keep my blogger account and close my AOL journal. I spent several hours last night moving everything over here, and I hope that you will go back and read the archives!! Thanks again, and I hope that you are all having a Happy New Year so Far!!!

I almost forgot.....

Boy what a bad hostess am I??? Happy New Year!!!! I hope that all your hopes, dreams, and wishes come true in 2007!!!