My Best Friend

I am going to take you on a little road trip down memory lane with this post, it could get long, but please bear with me.

It was my birthday in 1999, I had no clue what I wanted, and told Keith as much. We were still struggling with our finances as a young married couple, and I really wasn't expecting much.

We had spent a lot of our free cash on IUI's, and I had decided to stop that for a few months (well ok the HUGE cyst I had from Clomid did that one) and head back to school.

I had just spent 6 months raising my God Children while their mother was out on a cruise with the Navy, and they were due to go home with her that day. I would still be baby sitting off and on, but not having them full time anymore was really hurting me.

Keith was late coming home from work, and I was getting madder by the minute. I kept looking out the window every few minutes until his car finally pulled up. I watch as he gets out of the car reaches in and pulls out a Victoria Secret bag. HUH?? I was like WTF, they don't sell stuff in my size in that damn store.... trust me I was 275 pounds, and unless they hide that shit in a closet in the back I have never seen it!!

He proudly marches up the stairs in our apartment, and seeing the obvious confusion on my face, starts laughing. I really wasn't amused. He hands me the bag, and I was literally taken aback by the weight of it... not lightweight like your typical VS purchase, but then there was a lot more to me then their average shopper. All of a sudden the bag shifted in my hand and the tiniest little bark, more like a squeak, issued from it's depths. I tear the top layer of tissue paper out to find this....

Uh Huh... cute isn't he??!! Our eyes connect and he immediately jumped in to my arms. It was right then and there I knew he was my boy, all 2 1/2 pounds of him.

He was a riot as a puppy, always keeping us in stitches with his antics, and tricks. He was forever with me everywhere I went. He even stood up to a pit bull when he was about 8 months old, and scared the hell out of me and the other dog.

Through the years he has been a constant companion even and especially as I struggled with IF, he always seemed to know when I needed to cuddle, and get a kiss on the cheek. He was always there for me without fail or judgement when that was what I needed the most. He was my best friend.

When we finally succeeded and got pregnant with Lauryn, as my belly grew, he would cuddle closer to my belly as if to say, "I know your in there, and I am here looking out for you". There was one night in particular when I was about 36 weeks, and Lauryn was being very active. As I rolled onto my side, he adjusted himself just in time to get a swift kick from her through me. He looked at my belly as if to say "Oh you wanna play that game?" growled and kicked her right back. They did that over and over for almost 5 minutes, and Keith and I laughed so hard.

After Lauryn was born he wasn't so keen on that little thing making all that noise, but he always ran to her when she cried. In the mornings and when I got her up from her naps, he was right there with me to get her, and then he would cuddle with her on the couch until she had had enough and would push him away.

The last few weeks we had noticed a change in him. More agitation, fighting with the other dogs, growling at Lauryn, urinating on things, and loosing control of his bowels. Keith and I had the talk, but I just couldn't bring myself to call the End Game. Last night as he sat next to me on the floor, he just peed everywhere, and looked at me as if to say he was sorry, and then he lost his bowels.

I knew then. It was time.

This morning I put his little "Brat Pack" t-shirt on him and put him in the car. I know he knew where we were going, and I would like to think that during that last drive with me that he was happy to be in the car with me again going for a ride.

He nuzzled my neck as they gave him the sedative, and as he drifted off I told him how much I loved him and was going to miss him. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath, and then I sat holding him for a very long time just letting the tears and sobs come freely.

We are having him cremated, so he will be home again in a few days, but it will never be the same. He was my first baby, the one I needed at the time, and everyday since. He was my four legged rock through everything, and tonight when I go to bed I will miss his warm little body against mine, and his feet twitching as he dreams of chasing something.

I can say and have it told to me that I did the right thing, but that will not lessen my pain right now, because today I lost my best friend. Goodbye Noodle, I love you so much!!

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak

and pain should keep me from my sleep,

Then you must do what must be done,

For this--the last battle--can't be won.

You will be sad I understand,

Don't let grief then stay your hand,

For on this day, more than the rest,

Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,

What is to come can hold no fears

You'd not want me to suffer, so.

When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,

Only, stay with me til the end

And hold me firm and speak to me

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree

it is a kindness you do to me.

Although my tail its last has waved,

From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don't grieve that it must be you

Who has to decide this thing to do;

We've been so close--we two--these years,

Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-Author Unknown