March 4, 2009


Somehow I missed that Sunday was March 1st and February is gone. Time seems to be speeding up no matter how I try to keep it at a slow and steady pace.

Poor Turtle is still not back to herself just yet. I have been having to get up at least twice a night to comfort her. She started really, really walking this past Friday, so I think she wants to get up in the middle of the night and walk around, irregardless of how tired mommy is!! She has also been very needy and demanding... welcome to toddler hood!!

Kent didn't do well while we were gone, and has lost privilege's because of it, not to mention that his attitude has been very shitty the last week. We found out that he lied about some very serious things that could have gotten us into trouble, and when we confronted him about them, he told me "Oh well, guess you won't piss me off again huh??" So, I am trying to get him back into therapy... not that I think it will really help, but at this point I have no options.

Clark and I actually had a good time while we were away, despite the reason we were out of town. We spent a lot of time talking, and enjoying each other again. We discussed the Last Cycle, and I told him that I wanted to wait a month, so when we got home I emailed Dr. OvaryWhisperer and told her that I had taken my last BCP on Sunday, and what did she want me to do. She advised that I could start the next pack, and that she would let the nurse know. Yesterday the Nurse called me with our schedule, and I will take my last BCP on the 22nd, and start stims on the 26th of this month. I know that doesn't seem like a month, and really it isn't a full month, but with this new protocol things move A LOT faster. I didn't fully understand how fast either, and thought I had until April before we started, but I talked to Clark, and he was fine with it. My biggest concern was all the antibiotics that I have been on the last few weeks because of the ear/sinus issues, so I wanted to get some time between them and all the meds to come. Aside from all the other vitamins I am taking I added Co Q-10, and DHEA to the mix hoping to give the eggs and ute a boost. Hell at this point I would take just about anything to give this cycle a shot.

Now for my address to Anonymous: I cannot imagine that you thought you wouldn't get attacked by either me or my commenter's when you posted your response. While I am not angry at you, as I said before I feel sorrow for you actually, I will not disagree with any of the people who addressed you. While your comments weren't on the vile side, they really were hurtful in the sense that you implied that my children would not be good enough for you because of MY Mental Illness. I know that not all Bi-Polar people are easy to treat, and some are downright resistant to treatment period, I however am not one of those people. I took pains to take a lot of supplements especially for fetal brain development before and after I conceived Turtle, and every cycle since. I did everything I could in my power to make sure that any child I gave birth to, had less of a chance of being Bi-Polar. Nothing says that Turtle will or won't have problems, like I stated that is not up to me, or you, but I will not love her any less if she does have any Mental or other illness. I feel that I am actually more so prepared for what may come then a mother who isn't used to dealing with a mental illness, because I walk that line everyday. I know what to look for, and how to help if the need should so arise. So, in finishing, I am sorry if you feel that you were vilified, but I don't think that with the nature of your comments, and the hiding behind Anonymous to make those comments, that you really thought through all of the ways that you could hurt with what you said. Does that make sense or am I way off base here??

It is late, I am tired, and my brain hurts from cleaning all day... LOL I know that sounds goofy, but I swear I cannot get housework done unless I have a chore chart anymore, and since I have yet to make one up, keeping everything in my mind that needs to be done just makes me run around looking like a chicken with it's head cut off.... :o)

Good night sweet Internets!!!


Kristin said...

I'm glad to hear there was some enjoyment of your time away despite the reason behind the trip. {{{Hugs}}}

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to read that you and your hubby had a chance to reconnect again after all the turmoil that has occurred in the past months.
ANON :- if all the people who suffered from mental illness decided that they would not reproduce "in case" they passed it on to their kids, there would not be very many people on this planet.
Mental Illness as a whole needs to be made more open and accepted for what it is by everyone - an ILLNESS, no different from the common cold or cancer or AIDS. It's an illness of the mind but this does not make sufferers any less of a person, does not make people who have not gone through it any more worthy to have children than those who have.
The stigma attached to mental needs to broken down and people quite obviously need to be educated more on this subject.
If humans should decree who can and cannot have children based upon such a criteria, then maybe we should be more strict and say those who smoke, drink, do drugs, work in factories that produce hazardous fumes, drives, walks, skateboards, surfs, eat, worship a god, doesn't worship a god, hell anyone in general shouldn't be allowed to reproduce either because those people are just as likely to have children who have a mental illness or even a physical illness of the body. It is this type of attitude that leads to prejudice and we are quite aware what kind of atrocities have occurred due to prejudice (holocaust, slavery etc). Do we really need to continue this sort of attitude?
REBEL :- It is very big of you to hold no malice towards Anon. I commend you on your spirit. If this sort of thing had been said to me, I don't think I would be as forgiving as you.

Susan said...

I feel like I jumped on anonymous too soon. I hadn't read all of her comments. I don't think she was trying to be ugly-just should have reflected on her words before she hit publish. I could benefit from a little of that as well.

Glad you and Clark got away. Good luck with this next one!

Erin said...

Many hugs, and I'm glad you are back.

Poison Ivy said...

Rebel, very well said, as usual. Glad to read you and dh had some good times together this weekend.
((big hugs)) and positive vibes for your next cycle.
As for how you handle anon, Kudos, Rebel, you are my hero. I am trying to learn from your responses and better myself. I know for now, I HATE when people hide behind false names, etc, and not tell the truth, good bad or indiferent. You don't have to put your real name out there, just the name Rebel knows you by, and tell the truth. If you get flamed by people, so what, at least you are honest with Rebel, and most important yourself about how you feel. If you are a fly by night poster, keep flying and get lost, but if you do post here under another name that Rebel knows, please privately own up and move forward. Easy to do the right thing when everyone is watching. Hard to do it when no one is watching and you KNOW IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
Poison Ivy

My Reality said...

I wonder, can you tell if anon is still lurking?

I hope that your next cycle goes well. The short protocol does go quickly. . .

Jason and Samantha said...

I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking and praying for you!