August 20, 2009


I can't seem to find to find myself right now.

I have been avoiding so many places, family and friends.

It just seems surreal that I have to accept the end when I don't know how to.

I thought I had all of this under control.

I lied to myself and everyone else when I said I could just walk away from trying without heartbreak.

Heartbreak doesn't even begin to describe it actually.

The pictures of Turtle from the beginning bring so many tears... both of happiness and then sadness.

I really am trying to find my way out of this cloud, but the sun just isn't getting through right now.

August 15, 2009


I sorted the Turtles baby things today.

I felt my heart breaking as I held those tiny little outfits in my hands.

They will never again be worn by a child of mine.

I set a few of my favorite outfits and toys aside for her when she grows up.

I am having a yard sale next week to get rid of all things infant.

I just can't have them in my face, taunting me with what will never be.

I really fucking hate Infertility.

August 6, 2009


Snap, Krackle and Pop decided not to hang around.

Beta Negative

It is over.

No More TTC.

We are actually home from the vacation that never happened, and I am working on that post, but for right now I need time.