Happy New Year!!!

Well, what can I say?? I for one will not be sad to see this year go. I wish everyone out there who reads me though a very Happy New Year... may it be a Wonderful one for us all.

I honestly hope that those of you on the IF RollerCoaster will have your dreams come true in this new year, as for me, I will just be hoping that things get better in my world!!

Hugs to all of you from me!

Rebel

Slowing down again....

So, Christmas is over and I survived.



We are all sick here except for Clark(ass) so it hasn't been to much of a good weekend/week. I knew when we went to the peds for shots last Tuesday we would bring something home and I was ever so right!! Turtle is coughing like a freak, my throat is raw, I sneeze if I think, and the sinus pressure is freaking unreal!! I shot some saline solution up my right nostril the other night to try to ease some of the snot out, and you would have thought I had shot whiskey up in there!! I almost cried the pain was so bad, so I will assume that I now have a sinus infection on the right side. Oh and Kent is sick to.

I got a call Monday that Kent has been accepted into the program, so now we just wait for the Insurance to come through. We have to wait until the 4th because WeSuck cancelled us as of the end of this year. I told them to just wait until after the new policy went into effect before doing anything. He is still acting like a jerk, and I am still staying away from him, but I can say that the 4th cannot come soon enough.... Winter Break has been hard on me!!

I have a little bit of an issue that I need to discuss also..... It seems that I may have a dishonest person reading my blog... Shocker I know right. As most of you know I sent out Christmas cards to those who asked, well I had one come back today. Now why would you give me the wrong address to mail you a card if you were a real person, and honestly wanted one? Unless of course you aren't who you say you are, or have an ulterior motive for even being here. I have actually long wondered about this person, and am not sure where to take this, so if any of you wonderful folks out there have any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

Well it is late here, and I am exausted. I will try to get back in a day or so to update you on some other things that have been up, nothing major just stuff I need to get off my chest!!

Hugs to you all,
Rebel

Merry Christmas??

So, the cards went out to all who asked, and to my fellow Braces Bunchers. Clark was dying laughing that I had so many cards going out to people I had never met, but I just told him that sisters in arms is what we all are and to shut up!!

I have gotten all of my Xmas shopping done, and actually some for the Turtles B-day next month... Speaking of which, my little girl will be 2 in less then a month, could someone PLEASE tell me where all that time went?? I saw someone post on a blog (sorry can't remember which one, I read so freaking many!!) about how slowly the time goes when you are trying for babies, but then how the clock just starts spinning once they are here! It is so true. Those 14 1/2 years went by so painfully slow that I remember so much of it, it is hard not to! But the last 2 years... shit I hardly remember the time going by like it does now, ever!! It literally seems like yesterday that I was bitching about starving and begging for Taco Bell an hour before I pushed the Turtle out. Now I am planning a second birthday party for the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me (Clark runs a very close second, but to be real, the Turtle beats him out every time!). I have gone nuts buying for her for Christmas, it is sick really!! Clark teases me that I am living vicariously through her... and why shouldn't I? She has turned into the cutest little girl, and I am so sad that in just a few weeks my Turtle will no longer be a baby, but a full blown little girl. :o(

Kent, yes Kent, he has still been causing problems more then you can imagine. His appointment last week went ok, still no new cancer growth, so that is good. I didn't stay his whole appointment because during one of the docs visits he told me to shut up that it wasn't my appointment and I needed to mind my own business. I got up and left and didn't go back in until I had to help him change his pants because he shit in them and couldn't clean himself up. His Oncology team refused to write letters of medical necessity for him to get into the Rehab center, and I was not only shocked and surprised, but very angry with the way they treated me and the admissions liaison that was there from the center. You would have thought we were trying to lock the kid up in an insane asylum or something with the way they acted. It is my opinion that they have lost all objectivity as his physicians, and no longer see him as a patient, but their friend. That night he got rude with me because I took away his power strip, now mind you he had been warned about watching TV in the middle of the night because it wakes up the Turtle, so when I went down the hall to her room at 4 AM and saw that he was up watching TV, I told him I would be taking it. When we got home that night I think he thought I had forgotten and was going to let him skate... ummm not so much!! He flipped out when I went in his room and took it and started calling me names. Clark told him that he wouldn't tolerate that kind of shit and if he didn't like it he could get the hell out of the house. I actually poured a bucket of cold water over him after he called me an Effing Whore, that really pissed him off!! The, next night Thursday Clark tried to sit him down to talk to him about respecting us if he planned on living here until he went to the Rehab place. Kent immediately told him that he wasn't going to talk to him in front of "That Bitch" meaning me, and things escalated until he Kent was swearing and calling Clark names. I actually had to leave after all was said and done because I was so upset by the disrespect and names that he was throwing around. I sat at the table doing my Christmas cards and crying for 45 minutes before Clark came out and told me I needed to go somewhere and settle down. I hate it when he makes me this way because it really bothers the Turtle. When I was sitting on the couch with tears running down my face, she kept wiping them away with her blanket, and watched me with a worried look on her face. I really do try not let her see that I am upset about something, but lately that has been really hard to do. Needless to say he went to a friends house on Friday and didn't bother to come home until Monday after school. I cannot tell you guys how DONE I am with this situation. He has pushed me over the edge, and I cannot go back. I told Clark I just wanted him gone, I don't care where he goes, but I cannot have him living in my home acting like this. I can hardly eat or sleep anymore, and the docs are worried about all the weight I am losing. I have tried so hard to help him, but I just can't do it anymore. I know some of you may not be able to understand this, but it this analogy is as close as I can get: Kent is like an alcoholic, he gets drunk and does mean things, but gets up the next morning and tells you he is sorry. Well after about 500 times of this, you really get sick of the "I am sorry's", but absolutely no change in behavior, so you have to walk away. I am not one of those people who is going to choose to stick around and be treated like shit just because he wants to lash out at me for no reason. Trust me when I tell you that therapy has done us no good because he doesn't see that HE has any issues, and the therapist told me that until he realizes that he has problems he will not change. So maybe us letting him go will force a change, but I am not so sure. Kent thrives on the pity that he gets when people see him in his wheelchair, he feeds on the attention that it gets him, and frankly that makes me ill. So, that is it, he has to go and be an adult somewhere where they will hopefully show him that he needs to work on himself, and this house isn't it any longer. We have put our lives on hold for him long enough.

The above is just the tip of the ice burg so to speak with him, and if I told you guys everything that was going on, it would be the longest post in the history of Blogger!!

Sorry this is so all over the place, but it has been really hard to try to put all my thoughts together in one paragraph that even begins to make sense!

Before I end this, I want to give a shout out to my Secret Santa Buddy from the Braces Bunch... Thanks sweetie the Angel was amazing, and the hot cocoa was fantastic!!!

I am not sure if I will post again before Christ mas, so if I don't I want to wish everyone a very Happy Holiday Season, no matter which one you celebrate, I hope it is a good one!!

Hugs,
Rebel

Christmas Cards....Updated... Again!!

I don't normally do this, but we made the cutest card this year, and I would LOVE to share it with some of you. Now mind you the card has our pictures and real names on it, so if you get one you will have to keep that little nugget to yourself!!! If anyone really wants you can Email me at BabyDustDreams@aol.com. Don't be scared to ask, because I won't turn anyone away, just remember it will have pictures of the Turtle on it, so for some that in THAT place and may not feel comfortable, I TOTALLY understand!! Love you all, and I will have an update soon!! Hugs!!

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OK, I guess a post like this brings out the freaks... If you read this blog and are a VALID person, then send an email to the link listed above, otherwise you are not getting anything... geez!!

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Come on Guys, I know you're out there, and you know you want to see this jacked up Infertile family in all our pictorial glory!! :o) Like I said don't be scared to ask, I am more then willing to send them out if you want one!!!

Hugs,
Rebel