December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas??

So, the cards went out to all who asked, and to my fellow Braces Bunchers. Clark was dying laughing that I had so many cards going out to people I had never met, but I just told him that sisters in arms is what we all are and to shut up!!

I have gotten all of my Xmas shopping done, and actually some for the Turtles B-day next month... Speaking of which, my little girl will be 2 in less then a month, could someone PLEASE tell me where all that time went?? I saw someone post on a blog (sorry can't remember which one, I read so freaking many!!) about how slowly the time goes when you are trying for babies, but then how the clock just starts spinning once they are here! It is so true. Those 14 1/2 years went by so painfully slow that I remember so much of it, it is hard not to! But the last 2 years... shit I hardly remember the time going by like it does now, ever!! It literally seems like yesterday that I was bitching about starving and begging for Taco Bell an hour before I pushed the Turtle out. Now I am planning a second birthday party for the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me (Clark runs a very close second, but to be real, the Turtle beats him out every time!). I have gone nuts buying for her for Christmas, it is sick really!! Clark teases me that I am living vicariously through her... and why shouldn't I? She has turned into the cutest little girl, and I am so sad that in just a few weeks my Turtle will no longer be a baby, but a full blown little girl. :o(

Kent, yes Kent, he has still been causing problems more then you can imagine. His appointment last week went ok, still no new cancer growth, so that is good. I didn't stay his whole appointment because during one of the docs visits he told me to shut up that it wasn't my appointment and I needed to mind my own business. I got up and left and didn't go back in until I had to help him change his pants because he shit in them and couldn't clean himself up. His Oncology team refused to write letters of medical necessity for him to get into the Rehab center, and I was not only shocked and surprised, but very angry with the way they treated me and the admissions liaison that was there from the center. You would have thought we were trying to lock the kid up in an insane asylum or something with the way they acted. It is my opinion that they have lost all objectivity as his physicians, and no longer see him as a patient, but their friend. That night he got rude with me because I took away his power strip, now mind you he had been warned about watching TV in the middle of the night because it wakes up the Turtle, so when I went down the hall to her room at 4 AM and saw that he was up watching TV, I told him I would be taking it. When we got home that night I think he thought I had forgotten and was going to let him skate... ummm not so much!! He flipped out when I went in his room and took it and started calling me names. Clark told him that he wouldn't tolerate that kind of shit and if he didn't like it he could get the hell out of the house. I actually poured a bucket of cold water over him after he called me an Effing Whore, that really pissed him off!! The, next night Thursday Clark tried to sit him down to talk to him about respecting us if he planned on living here until he went to the Rehab place. Kent immediately told him that he wasn't going to talk to him in front of "That Bitch" meaning me, and things escalated until he Kent was swearing and calling Clark names. I actually had to leave after all was said and done because I was so upset by the disrespect and names that he was throwing around. I sat at the table doing my Christmas cards and crying for 45 minutes before Clark came out and told me I needed to go somewhere and settle down. I hate it when he makes me this way because it really bothers the Turtle. When I was sitting on the couch with tears running down my face, she kept wiping them away with her blanket, and watched me with a worried look on her face. I really do try not let her see that I am upset about something, but lately that has been really hard to do. Needless to say he went to a friends house on Friday and didn't bother to come home until Monday after school. I cannot tell you guys how DONE I am with this situation. He has pushed me over the edge, and I cannot go back. I told Clark I just wanted him gone, I don't care where he goes, but I cannot have him living in my home acting like this. I can hardly eat or sleep anymore, and the docs are worried about all the weight I am losing. I have tried so hard to help him, but I just can't do it anymore. I know some of you may not be able to understand this, but it this analogy is as close as I can get: Kent is like an alcoholic, he gets drunk and does mean things, but gets up the next morning and tells you he is sorry. Well after about 500 times of this, you really get sick of the "I am sorry's", but absolutely no change in behavior, so you have to walk away. I am not one of those people who is going to choose to stick around and be treated like shit just because he wants to lash out at me for no reason. Trust me when I tell you that therapy has done us no good because he doesn't see that HE has any issues, and the therapist told me that until he realizes that he has problems he will not change. So maybe us letting him go will force a change, but I am not so sure. Kent thrives on the pity that he gets when people see him in his wheelchair, he feeds on the attention that it gets him, and frankly that makes me ill. So, that is it, he has to go and be an adult somewhere where they will hopefully show him that he needs to work on himself, and this house isn't it any longer. We have put our lives on hold for him long enough.

The above is just the tip of the ice burg so to speak with him, and if I told you guys everything that was going on, it would be the longest post in the history of Blogger!!

Sorry this is so all over the place, but it has been really hard to try to put all my thoughts together in one paragraph that even begins to make sense!

Before I end this, I want to give a shout out to my Secret Santa Buddy from the Braces Bunch... Thanks sweetie the Angel was amazing, and the hot cocoa was fantastic!!!

I am not sure if I will post again before Christ mas, so if I don't I want to wish everyone a very Happy Holiday Season, no matter which one you celebrate, I hope it is a good one!!

Hugs,
Rebel

9 comments:

My Reality said...

I so understand the situation with Kent. There does come a time where you have to walk away. If you want to chat or vent about this, you know how to find me.

I hope you have a good holiday despitr all the turmoil right now.

astral said...

I ask myself the same question about time flying by. Sometimes I have to remind myself to take a moment, slow down and enjoy the present time. I'm so sorry for all the problems that have been going on. I'm sending you positive thoughts and good vibes and {{huigs}}. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Tutu said...

Bless your heart! I'm so sorry you're going through that.

I know exactly what you mean about time flying by. Luke will be 2 in Feb., and it's hard to comprehend how he got so big so fast!

~Susan

Carrie said...

I got your Christmas Card! THANK YOU!!!!
Wow...you've got a lot going on right now. I think what you are doing is called "tough love", and I can't imagine being in your shoes right now. But...I promise you, I will never judge you nor do you ever have to feel that you need to "justify" what is happening in your life. I will always be here to listen....good luck and I'll be checking for updates. Merry Christmas!!!

Kristine said...

(((Hugs))) I'm SO sorry you are dealing with this.

My baby will be 2 next Friday..it's unbelievable how fast life flies by.

Merry Christmas! Hope it's a good one!

Anonymous said...

Today I found your card in the mail,Thank you so much! What a sweet little girl, and what a wonderful family. And yes, its time for though love for your son.
I whish you all the best have a peaceful Christmas.
Naueda

Susan said...

LOVE the card and hate that you're having to go through this with your son. Being a good parent means doing the tough stuff - none of us can skate by, we have to do the work and you're right for insisting he do it. Thinking of you....

Shubhangi said...

Merry Christmas to You.and HAppy new year.



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Kimbosue said...

Bless your heart for putting up with all that crap!