June 22, 2007

Drama, Oh The Drama.....

Yeah, Yeah I know I did it again... I swear I have a really good excuse though!! Meet Turtle!!!

Turtle is fine, and growing right on target. I had my first OB appointment on the 14th, and I hated the doc that I saw... Clark calls her Dr. ManHands!! She spent half of the visit arguing with me about the medications that I was on, and why I was on them. She said she had never heard of M*tformin being used to treat insulin resistance in PCOS patients... ok and this office does some infertility treatments. Then her other thing was my choice of antidepressants, telling me that there is a terrible risk to the Turtle if I don't get off them right away, well I told her that the RE and my Pdoc put a lot of thought and discussion into what meds they wanted me on, and this was the one we chose, but if she has such a big issue with it then I will ask him to change me!! Good Grief!! She then went on having an issue with the Cystic Fibrosis test that we turned down, never mind that ins doesn't pay for it, and it is a $400.00 test. I told her that we have had all the genetic testing done, and everything came back fine, so there was really no point in doing this test. After all that, we did the exam, and I mentioned to her about all the pain I am having on the left side, and that the RE told me to make sure that they checked it out if I was still having issues with it. She told me that all pregnant women get pain in their ovaries, and that I was just being to sensitive since this was my first baby!!! Needless to say I was so pissed off when I checked out I asked for another doc the next time I go. You have to see all the docs in the practice anyway, but she is one I am going to try very hard to stay the hell away from.

We did get a quick peek at Turtle that day, but only because the U/S tech called my last name, but I wasn't the one she was looking for. We got in the room, and she says, after she has goo all over my belly, "My you are hiding that 18 weeks really well!!" I looked at Clark and said to her well that could be because I am only 8 weeks not 18. So she looked for 3 seconds let us hear the heart beat and then kicked us out!! Funny thing is there were 4 pregnant women in there that day with the same last name, so she really should call by the first and last name ya think???

So I get out of there thinking and praying that I never have to see Dr. ManHands again right?? Wrong, by Saturday night I had what I now know to be the WORST FREAKING yeast infection I have ever had in my life. Well I was thinking something was not right because I used a treatment on Sunday, Monday it was worse, and I was running a fever. Did I forget to mention that their office doesn't used disposable speculum's?? Oh yeah they don't. So I call to get an appointment for Monday afternoon, and... yep you guessed it, Dr. ManHands!!! She comes in, looks at me, and says "Didn't I just see you last week??" Not skipping a beat I looked right back at her and said "Yeah, and I would really like to know what you gave me while I was here!!" Well, the exam didn't take long, and she said that it was indeed a yeast infection, and that I could just get another OTC treatment and that should take care of it. It did to, but I tell you that was just horrible!!

Yesterday I was scheduled for my actually U/S, and it went great!! I was so scared that I had been having nightmares for 3 days before the actual thing. Turtle was moving arms and legs, heartbeat was nice and strong. I actually got to hear the heartbeat really well this time, and I was soooo excited. I cannot even begin to tell you how it feels, unreal is the word that still comes to mind, to know that there is this little person inside me growing more and more everyday, after waiting so long it really feels like I am walking around in a dream. The only thing that even makes it remotely real to me is the U/S pictures that I can look at all day long!! To be honest, it makes me feel almost lost in a sense, until now I had treatments to look forward to, plan, and get through, but now I am just sitting here patiently (OK not really) waiting for some small sign that everything is going well. I am really having denial issues, and feeling like I have lost my identity as an Infertile with Turtle being in there. How do you turn off or turn down the volume on something that has been a noise in your head since you can remember?? How do you just sit back and feel relieved, and think about the future when all that you know has changed with one little being?? If anyone out there knows can you clue me in, or sell me your map to the land of "Holy Shit I am Actually Freaking Pregnant"??

Ok, so part 2 of why I have been gone so much... Kent has lost his mind here recently, and I have been struggling to deal with him without killing him!!! We found out that he has to go to summer school because he failed the make up math test for the end of the year, no big deal really so did almost half of the 8th grade, but then home comes report card, and he got an F in Social Studies. Well, he had no explanation for why so I told him that I would just have to call the teacher. He wasn't worried about it, or didn't seem to be, until I caught him trying to sneak his progress report (that I never say back in May) out with his trash. I was livid that he had a 59% in that class 5 weeks before school ended and I never even got a call from the teacher, not a word!! So I called the teacher the next day and asked him what the deal was, and he told me that Kent had handed in a report (that he had known about for 7 months, and that I had asked him about at least once a week) 2 1/2 weeks late, and that it was very poorly written. He then goes on to tell me that the kids were given the option to redo the report in 2 weeks and hand it back in for an improved grade... do you think Kent did any of that??? Nope handed it right back in just like he had gotten it back from the teacher!!! Well, he then tells me that Kent also got an F for his 9 weeks test because he had given the kids an essay that was to be 3-5 pages long on all that they had learned that 9 weeks about WWII. Well, my wonderful, honor roll, Junior Beta Club kid hands in a page and a half of drivel over a week late. I am so at a loss with him right now, and of course you know when I confronted him and asked him what was going on, he blamed it all on me being pregnant and the baby!! Clark went off and told him that I wasn't even pregnant when he handed all that crap in late the first time, so that wasn't a valid reason for any of his problems. He has admitted that he is jealous, and that he doesn't really want this baby... LOL like he has much that he can do about it now.... other then drive me crazy. I think that he is just so used to having his way, and having us to himself all the time for the last 5 1/2 years that he thinks anyone else in this house but the 3 of us is going to cramp his style, even though I told him that he is the only one doing that with all the lying and doing poorly in school!! Ack Teenagers!!! Guess this is getting me ready for the next one huh??!!

Well, back to the drama that has been my life. My next OB appt. isn't until the 12th of July, so I will be sitting here waiting for that!!! UGH why does it have to take 9 freaking months to have a baby???

June 5, 2007

Bad News, Good News.....

Well, it has been a heck of a long time since I have told you guys I was alive... well, I am!!

Yesterday was our first Viability scan, and we have lost one of the twins, but the other baby is doing VERY well and had a strong heartbeat. I am measuring 2 days ahead, and they released me to my OB.

So the reason that I have been gone so long is that I am still on bed rest due to all of the spotting and pain on my left side, and frankly I have been so depressed. That was not one of the things that I thought I was going to have to deal with... you know get pregnant after all those years of trying and be ecstatic for nine months right?? Wrong!! I am still stuck in surreal land, and am almost to the point of denial to be honest with you. I think I was just kidding the hell out of myself that I could get over all the years of hurt, anger and frustration with one positive beta, but that hasn't been the case at all. I am actually very surprised at myself to be totally honest, and that is what bothers me the most, I thought I knew myself better then this, but I guess not. I was waiting for the other shoe to fall, everyday and still am, and to tell the truth it pisses me off that I cannot just be happy about all of this. Clark and Kent are so very excited, and having fun with the whole thing, but I just cannot wrap my heart around this baby yet. I feel like a jackass!!

There has been some other stress going on to... Kent failed his end of year math test, but then so did 57% of the 8th grade... well hell what does that tell ya?? He will get a chance to retake to tomorrow, and I pray to God that he will pass because if he doesn't, he will repeat the 8th grade again next year. He got his heart broken by the girl he took to the 8th grade dance, and has been mopping around for almost a week with no signs of stopping... good lord how can you love someone so much when you have seen them like 5 times??? He is such a sensitive little guy, and I feel bad because I was the one who told him to tell her how he felt!! Ugh my Bad!! the good thing that came out of it was when Clark told him see I told you not to listen to your mom, he looked right at his dad and said "I will not be one of those guys who stuffs his feelings!" One point for Mom!! He is a great kid, but still struggles alot with his emotions... but then he is a male!!!

Our porch is done, so thank God there will be no more banging on the house at 7 AM, even though my Fetal alarm clock "Turtle" Will not let me sleep past 5 AM anymore!! Little turkey!! Things other then the spotting are going ok, I have only managed to hurl once, but still have the nausea most of the day. Like I said above the pain on my left side is still pretty bad, so the RE told me to make sure the OB checks it again to make sure there is no ectopic there just in case. She couldn't even find it when she looked yesterday, so it was off somewhere floating in neverland!! I made my first OB appointment for the 14th of this month. I already know they are a great practice as I went there a few times with the friend who had her baby in April. They know my RE, and have worked with that clinic a lot, so that makes me happy.

I am going to try to be around more often, but I don't know how that will work. I tried to talk Clark into getting me a laptop, so that I could type from bed, but it was a no go!! Bummer. So, I will try as often as I can!! Thanks to all of you for the supportive e-mails, it really means the world to me!! Hugs and Kisses!!!!