September 22, 2007

Ultrasound SuperModel!!!

That is what Turtle was declared by the U/S tech today!!! She was ever so cooperative, and laid very still the whole time that they were scanning her. The good news is that her little heart is "Beautiful" as quoted again by the tech!! I asked if that even further ruled out the Down's possibility, and she said yes that usually with a heart this great you don't see Down's.

Thank God, Buddha, Mohamed, and whoever else I forgot!! I am not a really religious person, so I will send thanks to them all!!!

Little Miss Turtle seems to be quite a bit like her mommy already, in the fact that she loves to sleep on her back with her arms across her chest. In all but one of her U/S's, she has had her hands and arms up high over her torso, just like her mommy!!!

She looked so sweet in there yesterday, and I am finally thinking that this whole thing may just be real!! I may just end up with a baby out of this whole nightmare of infertility. I still find it hard to accept, even when Turtle lets me know with her feet that she is in there, even when I sit and listen to that beautiful little heart on Doppler, when I watch my belly dance at night, and even when I get to see her beautiful face on an ultrasound, it is just to much for me to take in!! I feel like this can't be my life, this can't be happening to me. I have dreamed about it for so long that it just can't be coming true, and I expect to wake up any minute to find that it is/was all a dream, and none of it is real.

Then there is the reality of it. I am almost 24 weeks, the goal that I set for my heart to really take ahold of this little one and let it be real, because we all know that 24 weeks is the "Golden" time when she can be born, and still "make it". So, it looms on me. It is a relief, and yet a curse at the same time, because then the preparations that I have been avoiding at all costs will have to begin, and yet I am still not wanting to do any of them.

My Infertile mind is still stuck in that "24 weeks is still no guarantee stupid"

"Yeah I know that asshole, why do you keep repeating it??? Can't you just let me be happy?"

"Nope, have to keep you FIRMLY planted in reality!!"

And so it goes..... Not sure when I will reconcile this argument with myself, but I sure hope that it comes before Turtle does so that she won't end up sleeping in a clothes basket like I did!!!


Anonymous said...

Loved this post.....loved hearing about her beautiful heart and perfect self!!!
When I was pregnant with the beeper I was in shock after 10 years of trying for the dish princess just having a sexually produced baby sent me into true denial...I was 28 weeks before I even contemplated a grow suit (I think you call them onesies)so dont feel bad about your lack of shopping.
This turtle girl is in for the long haul get comfie mommie

Kristin said...

I don't think I ever reconciled myself to the reality of Gabe until I held him in my arms. {{{Hugs}}}

Kristin said...

Are you doing ok? Have things settled down or are you still having lots of contrax?