My Life is a Disaster....

Well, my life has finished falling apart... the last few weeks have been a nightmare that I cannot wake up from, and frankly I am bordering on losing my mind.... I have spent the last 3 weeks trying to wrap my mind around all that I learned from surgery, and it has been very hard....

I just happened to call the bus. office, and the girl told me that the doc had done a care plan for me that was Injects/timed intercourse... well you know about the ins thing, so I told her that we have to do IVF and that I needed that all changed... so the nurse calls me back said the doc said ok to IVF, and that I have to have one more test so that they can start... it is a saline sonogram in 3D of the uterus. So then she gives me a prelim start date for the meds, and tells me to make the appt. for the sonogram.... Well that was yesterday, and I went in on time, and the girl at the front desk gave me our IVF packet... that in itself is overwhelming... there are almost 100 pages, and like 10 different consent forms that you have to sign, so I was looking through that, and starting to get a little freaked... it just made everything so real!!! So I go in for the sono, and she does a standard u/s first... has trouble seeing my uterus, the damn thing is now tipped to the back of my pelvis... go figure!!! So in comes one of the docs, and they start to do the saline injection (right into the uterus with an u/s wand, and a catheter) well as soon as she started pushing the saline in, I got hot, and started cramping, kinda normal, well the more she put in the more it hurt, and I thought that they were gonna have to peel me off the ceiling... well she just kept pushing, and finally said that she was getting total resistance and that the fluid wasn't passing through my tubes at all.... so she asked about the hysteroscopy that I was supposed to have had on the 22nd, and I told her about the problem that Dr. B had had with the equipment, and she said well if she had been able to do it then she would have know that your tubes are totally blocked. @@ So in just 4 short weeks, I have gone from having a totally workable fertility issue to NEVER being able to conceive on my own. I am just devastated, and right now it is impossible for me to wrap my mind around all of this..... I feel like I am going to lose it. Why is this happening to me??

Crap I have to run the girls to the vet, so I am gonna have to finish this later..........