November 30, 2009

Yes, I know....

That it has been a very long time since I update, and as Kibbles commented, she needs her Turtle fix!!

Turtle turned 22 months old a few weeks back, and has been more of a joy as of late. She is totally blossoming as a little girl. She is talking more and more, and loves to tell us everything is "Hot, Hot" or "Uh Oh" She has a cold right now, and also has all 4 of her molars coming in so to say that we have had some long nights would be pretty accurate!! Right now we are going through a Barney and Caillou addiction phase, it is so hard to break them of the shows that they love! She is still the most amazing little thing, and keeps us in stitches all the time!

Now for the Kent update.....

I had a horribly long post typed up about the things that have transpired in the last couple of weeks since I wrote, but I think it might just be to much to go into right now. Kent turned 18 in early October, and promptly lost his mind. There have police involved, Social Service visits, and many other things going on. We actually had to have him arrested for trying to stab me with a pair of scissors. Needless to say, Kent is going to be going to live in a group home for awhile while he gets himself together. I am at a point where I cannot have him here around the Turtle because I constantly worry for her safety and ours. I have been having such a hard time with all of this, but I cannot turn him lose on the world the way that he is right now, he would be dead within a year I just know it.

Clark and I have owned up to our part in his behavior. We spent so many years trying to make up for all the abuse and trauma he suffered as a little boy by giving him all the things that he wanted. Along that road we seemed to have added to the sense of entitlement that he already had from his birth family giving in to him to allay their guilt about his illness. So now that the Turtle is here and we have ramped up our efforts to making him be more and more responsible for himself, the more hateful he becomes because in his mind we are "tossing him aside" just like the rest of his family did. He is becoming more resentful of her everyday, and that scares me. He told the therapist that we treat him like crap since Turtle was born, but I told him and the therapist that was Bullshit. We started having problems with him when he was in the 7th grade, and we started pushing Independence on him more. This is nothing new, he just has another person to blame it on.

I can only hope that the place he is going will help him, and one day he will understand what we are doing. He needs to grow up and be a Man. He needs to learn to care for his body, and his mind. I have done what I can, and the more of a wall I hit with him the more frustrated I get. I am hoping that a completely ambivalent 3rd party will help him to see what he needs to do to care for himself. I hope.

Clark and I are doing well, I am on an extra medication to deal with the anxiety attacks that I have been having since all of this started, but Clark as always has been my rock. He has held me many a nights in the last few weeks while I just cry. Things are getting for me though now that there is an end in site to removing some of the stress in the house.

Our Thanksgiving was nice. My dad and stepmother were here. It was great having them as it was the first time they had seen the Turtle. While the visit was short, it was nice just the same.

So, in short, I am still here, just stressed out and not much feeling like blogging about it all the time. I have been keeping up with my reading though, just not much into doing the writing part of things. I miss you all, and hope that you had Wonderful Thanksgivings!!


Carrie said...

I've missed you!!! So good to hear from sorry for all that you are struggling with right now. That is a very, very, VERY difficult situation. I will be thinking of you and your family during this especially difficult time of the holiday season. Kiss and hug on that little girl of yours!!! Much Love and Hugs ~ Carrie

Anonymous said...

I was just thinking about you yesterday.

I really understand some of the issues you are having with Clark. I have a brother who has been through many of the same things (with out the physical disability) as you have described with Clark. I know how gut wrenching it is to go through. If you want to chat, I am here.

Tutu said...

I'm so sorry you are going through all that! I cannot imagine how difficult that must be.

Isn't this a fun age for our little ones? I just love when they can start talking and communicating. Only mine seems to be trying to destroy my house bit by bit and has an infatuation with climbing up anything and everything. OY!

Suzy said...

Glad to hear from you, but so sorry things have been so rough. Hope it smooths out soon.

Kristine said...

So glad you posted an update...sounds like Turtle is doing so well! Can you believe our babies will be two soon?

Sorry about the family trouble going on...I can't imagine what you must be going through. But you did what you could and that's all you can do. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...
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Kimbosue said...

Glad for the update. Hope things get better soon.

Kristin said...

Oh hon, I am so sorry things have gotten so bad with Kent. I hope he figures out a way to be a happy productive adult.

Kristin said...

Oh man, I forgot to say how much I love the age Turtle is at. Enjoy it.

JJ said...

Glad to see your post! Sorry for all you have been through with Kent--you are being such a strong person through all of this!
And happy 22 months to Turtle!
Lots of hugs!

Susan said...

Thank you, thank you and thank you for the update. I've missed you but kept checking in hoping you'd come back!

Kibbles said...

So sorry about Kent! That is awful.
I am so glad you guys weren't physically hurt.
Hurray for a talking Turtle :)
You must be taking pictures of her, right? (I am a subtle person..what can I do)
Thanks for the update.
Its great to hear you and Clark are a team :)
Keep your chin up!