June 11, 2009


When I started this blog almost 4 & 1/2 years ago, I never thought I would be in the place that I am today. I went back and read all of my posts today, and learned a few things about myself.

I am the same person that I was back then, only better. I say better because back then I didn't know how to feel my pain. Sure I put it out there for everyone to read, but I never really felt it. I denied a lot of what I was feeling for a very long time... sorta you know talking the talk, but not walking the walk.

When Turtle was born, I found the place where all those feelings had gone, and when I cracked the seal on it, it really hurt to much to do anything but look at it from afar. As the months have passed I have spent more time then I care to admit in that place, working through what once was my tangled mess of a soul. I can honestly say that I have come to peace with so many hurts from the past, just because Turtle is here now.

Everyday it is like she fills a piece of that dark place with the light that only she has. Having her here has allowed me to let go of so many negative thoughts, things, and feelings about myself and the other people in my life.

I have opened my eyes to see just how beautiful the world can be when you just stop for a minute to really look at it.

I no longer take the time that I have for granted, because I know that at any moment it can all be snatched away, and I want to have lived that time to the fullest.

So here is to 300 posts of tangled mess, and to the future 300 posts... may they be half as great as the Turtle is! :o)


Anonymous said...

You have come a long way Rebel, and I've personally enjoyed taking the journey with you through your posts.
And here's to you, Rebel! For being who and what you are, even after all the things you have had to endure over the years.

Aunt Becky said...


Love you, R.

Lost in Space said...

Congrats to 300 posts! Wow. I'm so glad Turtle has helped to heal so many parts about this ugly journey. You have come a long way, Rebel.

areyoukiddingme said...


Anonymous said...

I am so glad Turtle has healed so much of that hurt. Happy 300.

Paige said...

Congrats on your 300'th post! I recently had 300th also. Almost as long as I've been blogging I've been following your blog. I've enjoyed sharing the ups and downs with you. I feel my new daughter filling my dark spots too. It is almost disturbing to read one of my posts from 2006 but at the same time I know I've come so far.

Here's to 300 more posts for both of us.

Poison Ivy said...

Glad to read you are alive and well! ((big hugs)))

Hopeful Mother said...

300 and you have come a long way! I think we all have - and blogging is such great free therapy!!!

Thanks for your support too!!