February 14, 2005

Nother day....

Well, work is going fine. I am going to try to take the CNA classes during the day now since I am not getting to many hours at work. I love doing home health though, so that doesn't really matter. I am going to start getting on the eliptical in the mornings, I need to get rid of some of the junk in my trunk before I go to California in May. I am going out there for the National Foster Parent Conference the 7th-14th, and I am really looking forward to it!! One week of not having to deal with hubby, kid, and dogs will be nice... although by the second night I am missing the hell out of them!!

I guess our adoption is moving right along, and I am really having mixed feelings about the whole thing to tell you the truth, I am scared that we will officially be parents, but then I worry that this is the only child I may ever have, so it has been fun being in my head lately. I worry that I will screw something up with him, or that I won't love him the way he deserves, or that I will even feel the love for him that every child deserves. I do love him, but it is one of those comfortable loves, almost like you have for a pet, but then my animals are like my kids so that might not be to valid. I just think somedays that I am making a mistake. I have so many feelings about this whole thing that I confuse myself most days. I mean once those papers are signed, he is ours, and there is no going back from that, even though I don't think I could ever do it anyway, there would be no worker to help me, or DSS if things got so bad that we had to give him up. Oh geez the things that are different when you have an older child that your adopting. I don't think that I would go through half of the emotions and thoughts that I am having if we were adopting a newborn or toddler, and I feel so guilty about that. See I told you it was fun in here!!! Good grief!!

Snickers is getting pretty bad with her hips, and I had to take her to the vet this am for more x-rays and some blood work, to see if she really has Lupus like they think. She has lost a lot of weight, and actually walks more on her front legs then her back ones, so I am pretty worried that she is getting to the point where we might have to think about putting herdown. Although that makes me very sad, I think it is the best thing for her, and the only thing is timing. She is Clark's baby, and I know that it kills him every day to see her in so much pain, and he can't bear to let her go yet, so we will see today what the vet says about how bad the hips have gotten, and go from there. P went with me and barfed all over the van, so I had to clean that up, but she weighed in at 50 pounds this time, and today she is 20 weeks old. She is so smart I just love it!! All of the other dogs are doing fine, BB ripped the pad on one of her feet, and I had to tend to that, but the rest of them are staying healthy, which is nice on my wallet!!

Well, off to the eliptical, and then to work... Later....

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