I cannot believe it has been so long since I have posted here that I had to clear cobwebs off my dashboard when I logged in!!
Wow, OK so since my last post in April there have been a lot of things that have happened, we went on a surprise trip to see my Grandparents for Easter, my grandmother truly had no idea that we were coming and the look on her face was priceless, of course then she says " You little shit I just talked to you on the phone yesterday and you didn't tell me you were coming." I told her that was kinda the point, it was a surprise. My granddad cried when we walked into the house, in all my years I have never seen that man shed a tear, but he cried and hugged me so hard I thought I was going to break in half!! There was a down side to the trip though that made it very hard on me, my grandmother has Alzheimer's. To see her disease progression since the last time I saw her broke my fucking heart. I am so hurt for her because she watched her mother die from this, so she know where she is going and she is just as scared as everyone else. I love her so much, and you can never imagine how hard it was for me to see this woman who raised me for some of my life, and who was so very strong, forget what she put in her shopping cart by the time she got to the the next isle. It kills me knowing that she is is going through this almost alone, and that there is nothing I am do to fix this for her. I am just very thankful for the time that I had with her, the fact that she got to watch Lauryn do her very firs Easter Egg hunt, was a big plus to. I guess that my work as a nursing assistant is a bad thing in this case, because I know what the disease progression is like, and frankly I hope she goes before it gets really bad, because I can't see her living in a nursing home, it would literally kill her.
So, then on the baby making front we were doing some femera cycles... yeah well none of them worked, and we have put baby making on hold because I have lost an obscene amount of weight, and Keith doesn't think that I am healthy enough to get pregnant right now. I am at 102 pounds.... now don't hate, because I used to weigh 262 pounds, so all that loose skin that looked just kinda bad at 140 pounds looks holocaust survivouresk on me now. I guess that has a lot to do with why I haven't blogged either, I have been so depressed and going through so much in my personal life that it was over whelming me, and I felt like I didn't even want to write, and that is bad because I have always Loved to write!! So, even having this outlet sort of taken away from me has made me feel out of sorts.
Yeah, my pretty baby was a big mess!! I have really taken a step back though since the accident and looked at a lot of things in my life, and one of them is that I love blogging, it lets me be me in a space all my own. I can write or not write, there is no expectation of me here. The other is that it is stupid to hold grudges, so I have mended some fences, the ones that I can, and honestly just trying to be a better person, I guess coming close to death will have that affect on you.
So, I am going to be back writing here on a regular basis, and sharing some things from the last few months as I catch you all up on things... I know I live such an interesting life that you are all just DYING to hear about it right??!! Later!!