July 20, 2010

Walking Wounded....

As we walked past Kent's room tonight to put Lauryn to bed, she waved at the door and said "Goodnight Kent."

The problem with that statement is that his room is now empty of all of his things. He moved out on Saturday, or more like we asked him to leave.

After I walked out of her room my tears flowed. I never wanted things to end like this, and a mothers love doesn't just end when her children walk out the door. I will forever love him, and will always wonder why we were never good enough for him as parents or as a family. My heart is broken in a million pieces, and I am not sure how to mend it.

The last six weeks since he came home have been filled with so much anger, hurt, and frusteration that when he did go I was actually relieved, but now that we have cleaned out his room, it is real. He is gone. Not coming back. Lost to me probably forever.

Trust me when I say that when we took him in this was never a blip on my radar, but 10 years later, it is all to real. We adopted him, gave him our last name and all of our hearts, but in the end it wasn't enough for him and he walked away.

I know that this may seem like a post way out of left field since I have been gone for so long, but honestly my life has been turned upside down for the last three and a half months. I am working on a post entailing all that has gone on, but I really needed to get this off my chest tonight. No more waiting, no more hiding.

7 comments:

Stacie said...

Oh, Erica. I am so, so sorry for all of the pain and heartbreak. Sending you loads of love and hugs.

Tracey... said...

I am very sorry for you and for Kent. Hopefully one day he will open his heart and walk back in. God Bless.

raisingmiles said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. Big hugs to you. I look forward to the inside scoop.

Kristin said...

Oh honey, my heart is just breaking for you. Sending you lots of love, {{{hugs}}}, and prayers.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry. I can't even begin to understand what you're going though, but you're in my thoughts and prayers. All of you. (((hugs)))

My Reality said...

I hope you are doing ok. I know it must be overwhelming and painful and so many other things all at once.

Poison Ivy said...

Sometimes people must learn the hard way. Unfortunately, this is Kent learning the hard way, and you and your family is feeling the pain from it now. ((Big hugs)) I just ate some cherry cheesecake ice cream with a squirt or two of Hershey chocolate syrup for you. (Hope you feel better because my butt is growing).