Saturday... Fun in the Sun

Ahhh so this new protocol seems to be working really well. My E2 was only at 1100 today!! I had some good sized follies, the biggest being a 17, so they really took off the last 2 days. Right now the plan is to do the ER on Wendsday, with transfer being on Saturday. So, here is to hoping that Passover means that I won't get Passed Over again.

I put a little sidebar up for those of you who visit me who have no idea what I am talking about when it comes to the world of Infertility. It can be daunting to say the least so I just put a few there that mostly pertain to me.

That is all that I have for today, I am off to crash a birthday party. Can you crash a two year olds party?? Is that even cool?? Oh well all I know is that he may be my future SonIL, so I better go and have some cake!! Have a wonderful weekend sweet friends!!!

CD 7 Monitoring appointment

Well, things went downhill first thing in the morning... Baby sitter called just as I was getting the Turtle dressed, her son was sick. So, I had to meet Clark at our PCP's office, where he was getting blood work done, and he followed me to the Clinic. We were there @ 8:30, got seen at 9:45. Sat in the playroom all that time just staring at he walls.

No info on follies or lining in the 5.5 seconds I was wanded, so I have nothing to tell you there. They did leave me on 200 units of Foll*stim though, and I go in in the morning (sat) for another monitoring appointment. All I know is my ovaries hurt, and I feel like my vagina has a snot spout in it!! LOL TMI, I know, but seriously people that is a lot of cervical mucus for one vagina to produce!!!

I picked up the meds they shorted me, got something I wanted from a chick on Cra*gsList, and headed home.

I got a job offer the other day, and I am going to take it. I don't have to start until the 13th so unless we don't get to ER until late next week then I am all over it. I honestly feel that working while I was trying with Turtle had a lot to do with my peace of mind, so I am looking to jump in again. Clark isn't happy about it, he says he wants me to continue staying home, but I have to do this for me and Turtle. I know that in just a few short years she will be in school, and then it will be time for me to go back to school to get my nursing degree finished up. Hell I just need this for my sanity right now to!!

We are having a couple come to visit one of the dogs we are re-homing, and I hope they just fall right in love with her!!

So, I will let you know how tomorrow goes. Hugs.

What it take to make an Infertile "Fertile" *Edited*

Ok, there was a picture here, but my Stupid self didn't look to see that my name was clearly visible on the prescription's.... so I had to take it off. Sorry

I wanted to post this a few days ago, but I couldn't get it to load right. So these are the meds that I have been on for this cycle. There are actually some missing as there were supposed to be 8 total of the blue/green boxes in the back row. It is impossible to believe that it takes these many different drugs to try to make a few good embies, who May make a RL baby. Some of the meds are stuff I do to get ready for the cycle, and some are stuff I take during, a few for after. Putting them all together just makes the seriousness of it really hit home. Here is a list of what they are:

Prep meds-

B-12
PNV- Prenatal Vitamins
Folic Acid x 2
Super B Complex
Co-Q 10
Ultimate Omega Fish Oil with Vit. D
Baby Aspirin
Metformin
DHEA

And of course I am on the Celexa for the Bi-Polar.

Actual Cycle meds-

All of the above plus:
Foll*stim
Ganerelix
Ovidril- trigger before ER
Doxycycline

After ET meds-

All of the prep meds and:
Medrol
PIO- Progesterone in Oil

So you see it really does take a lot to make me fertile. (Ha that just sounds stupid even as I write it, because I will NEVER be fertile no matter what, so I guess that is what it takes to trick my stupid body into doing what it flippin should.)

What a party huh?? My tummy is soooo sore from having to do 2 shots every night now, at least on the Lupr*n, I had a few hours to recover, but this time the shots are at 6 PM and 9 PM.

I have a monitoring appointment in the morning, and if it goes as Monday's did, I will be in a lot of pain after. I don't know what she did with that wand on Monday, but I think my Vajayjay was either not in the mood or she just didn't do it right because DAYUM that shit HURT!!! Only on the left side. Not sure what that was about, but whatever it is over with, and I am no worse for the wear... yet.

So I will let you all know how things go with that. Hugs.

Reality setting in

Reality has hit me.

This is it.

The chance at having another baby is here and now, never again after this... well unless of course I get REALLY HOLY and God lets me have an immaculate conception.... but since I don't see that one happening then this is the one.

The final turn in the race.

The finish line is in sight.

I am scared senseless.

I have been thinking back on the last 14 months of Turtle's life and how amazing it has been to have her here in all her girly glory. I have really enjoyed it more then I thought I would. It has been a challenge most of the time, but ever so rewarding. I feel some days like this last cycle just has to work for sanity sake.... my sanity. Then other days with her are so hard and exhausting, I think WTF am I doing even wanting another one. Every time I hit one of those moments though, I think of a country song that is out right now... The chorus is this "It won't be this way for long" and it is all about a man and his daughter.

I try to hold the moments when she does something really adorable, but I am running out of room.

She was running down the driveway the other day, and tears fell down my cheek.... I know it will be a blink in time, and I will be standing in the same spot on a September day putting her on that big yellow bus for the first time.

I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter how hard I am praying for this cycle to work, I have this amazing little girl already, and have moments when I think that she is enough, and I don't know why I am even doing this. Then I flash on not wanting her to be an "Only" child, and to have that big loving family that I want her to have, and remembering that I want to have another child to love, hold and cuddle with. It is a hard place to be.

If this cycle fails, then the decision will be a forced one, and I am not one who likes to be forced into anything.

I will accept it though and move on, because I have to. I have to for Clark's sake, Kent's sake, and Turtle's sake. We all need to be at peace with this chapter of our lives, especially me.

I am honestly mentally prepared for it to go either way.

I hope.

Authorized!!

Started monitoring this morning.

Authorization came through this afternoon.

The lab lost Clark's HIV test, so he has to do it again.

I have to go get my meds tomorrow, but I had Foll*stim left from our last cycle, so I have 200 units on board tonight.

Things were tense and frosty at the clinic today. I am sure that the situation from Tuesday got a few words exchanged, but I don't really care.

A very sweet lady called me from WeSuck yesterday and told me that they were going to resubmit my claim for the last transfer and pay it, because it was in fact their mistake.

So, here we go.

I hope you all have a 5-point harness and helmet on because this has already been a hell of a ride, and it is only begining.