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Turtle is trying to drive me crazy!!!
This has been going on for a few days, but is coming to a head this morning, well today. This girl has only had 6 ounces of formula since 4 AM. I tried to feed her some cereal with fruit, and her lips were pressed shut so hard she was turning purple from the effort. I just don't get it.
She slept for shit last night again, and to save Clark the ruff night, I took up residence on the couch. She hasn't wanted to nap at all today, finally got her to sleep on the couch just a few minutes ago, and I need to get in the shower so that I don't smell like a dead Yak when I go to the docs this afternoon. Now that she is asleep, I suppose that Kent can keep an eye on her!! Oh I so have got to tell you about the phone call that I had with my PCP yesterday when he called about my UTI... it is sad to tell you the truth!! But, I am off to the shower...
If you have any idea as to why this girl will not eat PLEASE let me in on it!!!!
Ok, so here I sit, 9:45 AM, and the Turtle is sleeping. "Oh great!!" you might think, right?? Naw, because I was up 22 times last night trying to settle her down and get her back to sleep. So, since I can't sleep after the sun comes up, here I sit staring at the computer, and wanting to wake that girl up, so that she doesn't want to stay up all night again!! LOL :o)
I think that the Tylenol every night before bed for her teeth, might be doing this by keeping her up! Whatever it is, it has to stop, I cannot go on with this little amount of sleep. Ugh!!
So mommy has developed a UTI that makes Endo look wimpy!! I took a home test, and that strip turned the prettiest color of purple!! That means there is blood in my urine, go figure. I thought the pain was AF coming to visit... LOL my body feels like a stranger to me again. A few weeks back, I thought the pain felt strangely like the pains I had when I was PG with Turtle, and found out that my ovary was scarred to my ute. So I tested... Negatory. So Then I was pretty sure I had a yeast infection, so I treated that. Nope wrong again. So, now this. I called the doc this AM, no reason to pay a copay if I don't have to, but oh I so totally think she is going to call me back and tell me he wants me to come in!! Crap I already have to make that long ass drive 4 times in the next week and a half... damn I really wish my body would get it together already!! LOL
It is 8:30 AM here in the Infertile house, and nary a peep has been heard form the amazing Turtle, since 8 PM last night.
Dare I hope and pray that my nights will continue to be this peaceful??
Nope, I won't do it, you can't make me...
I knocked on wood... well does press board count?? I mean it is wood in a shaped form right??? It was a tree when it started out right???
I know she needs them to eat, but geez I hate teeth!!!
Well, I guess I can enjoy my coffee in a relative peace this AM (to me this means not wearing it after little miss has tried to steal my mug, ever so effectively making me look like a total slob!!
Oh well what is a person to do, she must already LOVE caffeine!!! Actually it is the bright colors that get her, not to mention that everything in arms reach is now HERS!!!!!!!!
Who knew breathing felt so damn good!! :o) I have to enjoy this before the Boa Constrictor that is an IVF cycle starts again!!
When it comes to dealing with WeSuck.
I got THE call today.
We are approved for one IVF cycle with meds @ 50/50.
The catch??
I have to have egg retrieval by the 3rd of September or they pull the 50/50 and we pay the full amount on our own!! HUH?? I mean do they even have a clue how this works??? It isn't like you can plan this game down to the day for crying out loud. GAH!!! How in the hell did they come up with that date?? I am thinking it was because the request was received on the 3rd of July, so they must give you 2 months to the day. I don't know, I only hope like hell that we can get in under the line!!
So, I called and got the next appointment with Dr. B for next Wednesday @ 4 PM. There are a few things I need to ask about and clarify before we get this show on the road. I mainly need to know if we are going to have to repeat all of the testing that we did last time, if so I am going to have to get freaking busy. So much to do and so little time.
So, I am sitting here relieved, yet scared out of my mind. I know this game. I have done this before. However, I feel like I am reentering shark infested waters after the chum has been tossed overboard. Am I testing waters that are better off left alone?? Should I just walk away while the walking is good?? I don't want to. I am terrified though, and that colors my desire. I have my Turtle, and I can't imagine not having her. I know the love, the deep soul warming love that she has brought me. I want more, but I know how wrong things can go. I am more aware of it now then I was when I was PG with the Turtle. For some reason, I never thought about not having a take home baby at the end of my pregnancy. Our pregnancy was a struggle, but somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I just KNEW she was going to be here with us. Now though with all of the losses around the blogosphere, I have hit a state of almost perpetual fear that should I 1) Manage to make it through this cycle, and 2) End up PG...... something horrible is going to happen. I think the reason I feel this way is because now that I do have Turtle, I cannot imagine not having another successful pregnancy. I would/will fall apart with a worst case scenario. I keep thinking that Turtle needs her mommy. I need her. Unfortunately(maybe??), I also still feel like I have love in my heart for more babies. If that is how this thing is destined to work out I will try to be OK with that because I know don't want to look back 10 years from now, having thrown in the towel, and hate myself for not having the guts to roll the dice.
So, here We go again...............
The fax machine ate my authorization......
or so the story goes.
Sounds like a middle school homework excuse no?? Yeah. Well, that was the one that I got when I finally got it up to call the clinic yesterday.
I had waited ever so patiently for the call to come in last Monday as promised, and it didn't. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday. Well, you know Friday she wouldn't have been in the office. So, I called at 4:30 yesterday, and got right through to her. I asked how she was doing, and told her I was sorry about her dad. I then told her that I wasn't trying to be a pain in the ass, but my clock was ticking!!!! She told me that she had faxed my request before she had gone out on leave, and then when she got back last week she noticed that nothing had come back from WeSuck yet, so she called them.
Wait for it........
WeSuck never got the fax, or so they say.
Hard telling, but she did let me know that she had re faxed everything to them on Thursday afternoon, and that I should have an answer one way or the other in the next day or so. Yeah I am holding my breath. WeSuck is called that for a reason.
The Turtle made it a little easy to forget about all that waiting, as the poor little thing was just downright miserable all last week. I ended up taking her to the Ped. twice. Monday they looked her over and said there was still a little infection in her ear, but nothing to keep her getting the low grade fevers that she had been having. So, we gave urine and blood, all to not, because they called and said that the tests showed nothing. They did however give us more antibiotics just in case it was the ear that was still doing all this. By, Thursday morning my happy little baby wasn't so happy, and she kept getting worse. She started projectile vomiting around noon, so I called the doc again. Bring her back tonight. We go back, the doc we see this time tells me that the blood work indicates that she is fighting something, most likely a virus (the same blood work that showed nothing on Monday mind you). So we think that the combo of the ears, a virus, and the teeth were just pushing her to the edge, then we added the strong antibiotic, and boom she fell over. Poor baby hasn't slept through the night in weeks, and she is as tired and cranky as her mommy feels!! Today was really bad as I think she is getting her top teeth now, so she was up all day... yeah no nap... UGH. I feel so bad that she has to go through this, and I want so much to comfort her and take away the pain.
Oh get this, the Turtle started sitting up on her own on the 3rd...... I know already, I can't believe it either!!! It feels like just yesterday I was holding her for the first time, and it has really been almost 6 months. Where has the time gone?? She has done so much changing and growing. I am sad that it went so fast, and I feel like I missed something. I was here for all of it, but it just still doesn't feel real. Even after all these months I find myself holding my breath as I walk into her room, almost expecting the crib to be empty. Thankful, and able to let out that breath when it isn't!! Oh what a ride having this little girl has been!!! I honestly can't wait to get the show on the road again. I want to make some of these same memories with one of Turtles little brothers or sisters.
I will be holding my breath for WeSuck..... OK, not really, but I am waiting.....
