tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374438422012-02-18T12:13:24.871-05:00The life and times of a woman with a reproductive system that has other plans then her heart!!! <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb4f.lilypie.com/Piomm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers"></a>(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.comBlogger3591100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-29851845555921403552011-12-03T21:37:00.001-05:002011-12-03T21:41:57.318-05:00

I cannot believe it has been so long since I have posted here that I had to clear cobwebs off my dashboard when I logged in!! Wow, OK so since my last post in April there have been a lot of things that have happened, we went on a surprise trip to see my Grandparents for Easter, my grandmother truly had no idea that we were coming and the look on her face was priceless, of course then she says "

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-50843488932295208522011-04-01T21:01:00.005-05:002011-04-01T21:26:13.827-05:00

Yeah it seems that I have developed this quaint little issue, even though I was only pregnant for 2.5 seconds 3 months ago. I can tell you that it effing sucks butt. My PCP dx'd me with ADD in January, and then put me on Add*rall. It was amazing how the fog lifted from everything, and then I rapidly began my decent into hell. I guess reality was just a bit to much for my fried mind to handle, and

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-66093694264304158522011-02-07T22:40:00.002-05:002011-02-07T22:51:42.320-05:00

I swore 2011 was going to be a better year, ha shame on me for thinking.In the last 10 days we have found out that our water heater has been leaking for at least 2 months causing extensive water damage, and sever mold growth. So, as of Wednesday we will have to leave the house and stay in a hotel for as few as five or as many as 10 days. All this with 2 dogs, us, a fish and a Toddler who is

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-33670246956676993792011-01-17T20:28:00.000-05:002011-01-17T21:49:02.477-05:00

My sweet little girl is three. Where has the time gone? Just yesterday I was looking at her face for the first time in total awe, and yet when she got up this morning she was so tall and cute with her bed head. It is just all speeding by so fast, and if I forget to breathe it is because everything about her catches my breath. Happy Birthday Lauryn, you are the best gift I have ever been given!

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-89808591681635353182011-01-12T23:29:00.003-05:002011-01-13T00:01:00.812-05:00

Keith and I came to our decision on Monday night. We talked on Friday for about an hour, and then I told him that we should each mull everything over and bring our concerns back to the table when it was a good time. That time was Monday night. We feel it is time to let the totcicles go, and to find a new home for them. I just don't feel that my body can do them justice, and they deserve better

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-4499669760291956782011-01-05T21:05:00.004-05:002011-01-05T21:50:48.514-05:00

Just to start off this post, I hate that word up there. I never have liked it or them, so being in this place has me bound up like a dog on the first day of hunting season!!I had to go to the clinic yesterday for a repeat Beta and ended up with an U/S while I was there. Long story short they wanted to make sure all was right in the blood work department, and that nothing was lurking in the Uterus

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-6917235873386639452011-01-01T22:16:00.003-05:002011-01-01T23:12:13.513-05:00

I have always know that I was not a lucky person. Good things don't happen to me, I have to Make them happen for me.When I got pregnant with my daughter it was an accumulation of almost 15 years of my life spent trying for just that one chance to parent a biological child. 15 years of crying myself to sleep and begging God and/or the powers that be to just give me a chance to know the feeling

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-24579115137283798822010-12-29T10:16:00.002-05:002010-12-29T10:33:48.777-05:00

Bleeding started full force this morning. Nice way to end the year. The clinic has been closed for 2 days due to the weather, so I can't even call them. It isn't an emergency, so I won't call the after hours number, no point really. There are so many thoughts running through my head right now. I honestly cannot wait for this year to be over, with two losses under my belt, not to mention

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-7461020219691918282010-12-26T11:08:00.002-05:002010-12-26T11:11:02.194-05:00

Well, my tests are all coming back negative now. I am so worried that this is going to end badly! I really wish that yesterday hadn't been Christmas so that I could have gone in for a repeat Beta!! I hate this shit!!!

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-19684504992498928582010-12-23T10:51:00.007-05:002010-12-26T11:33:28.967-05:00

I realized after I posted this what an asshole I am for having put this up high, so I moved it down some... Look at your own risk....Yeah, you are a shocked as I was I am sure!!! Beta was drawn this morning... will update with it later! Here is to praying for a VERY Merry Christmas!!! **** Update**** Beta came in at 25, and Progesterone was 40!! The nurse said that they really think this is the

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-89176274081236397742010-12-02T23:32:00.004-05:002010-12-03T13:51:27.323-05:00

Ok, so after many starts and stops I am really going to get this done!! I decided to try this by the month, since I don't want to lay out specific dates for the most part. I hope that this will be less of a headache all the way around!!May- You already know that I knew as of early April I was told that they were pulling Kent's Medicaid, so most of my May was literally spent on the phone trying to

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-84731939054070367942010-12-01T15:49:00.002-05:002010-12-01T22:17:26.663-05:00

The uterus that is!! Went for the Hydro Sonogram this morning, and everything looks good!! The Ute is "Beautiful". Her words not mine. So we are all clear for take off as soon as AF comes again.... of course you do know that means I have thrown down the gauntlet for a shorter then 60 day wait!!So working on my update post still... it is so hard with a toddler who has decided that she is a

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-89868447313384968732010-11-22T13:30:00.002-05:002010-11-22T14:47:23.893-05:00

I guess all I had to do was bitch about my uterus here on my blog, and she would buck up and come through for me. Maybe I should have tried that a long time ago!! So, AF came this past Friday morning. I started spotting pretty bad Thursday night, so I knew the next morning I could call and make the appointment for the hydro sonogram. Also, in Thursdays mail I got my package from the IVF nurse

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-64864331860432435262010-11-18T14:13:00.002-05:002010-11-18T14:23:00.415-05:00

I am on the road to FET land, however my normal 34 days cycle has apparently decided to disappoint me this month.I talked to the IVF nurse, and my RE wants a Hydro sonogram before we can transfer. Cool Beans, no problem. It has to be done between day 5 and 15 of your cycle. Normally I would be at that point right now, but alas my uterus is screwing me over again.I have decided that this FET

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-38093678130252809202010-11-09T22:29:00.002-05:002010-11-09T22:33:28.542-05:00

Keith stood at the back door Sunday morning looked at me with soft eyes and said... " I think I would rather have another gee-up lover then the Bug in the garage."And so it begins again.For the VERY last time.p.s. a Gee-Up is Lauryn's name for her blanket, she cannot be found with out it.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-40155178582073715932010-10-07T15:05:00.002-05:002010-10-07T16:02:17.906-05:00

I am here, still breathing, still trying to make sense of all that has gone on in the last few months, and thinking of how to make it through without losing who I am. Thanks to everyone who commented or emailed checking up on me. I have been hiding for months hoping that it would help me forget, but I realized that nothing is going to help at this point other then talking about it. I have been

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-50541411527716812902010-07-26T21:06:00.006-05:002010-07-26T22:15:11.190-05:00

In my comment from the last post, Yo Yo Mama asked a few questions, and I wanted to address her very valid questions before I move on. She asked:What's keeping "dad" from returning Kent to you since you're still the legal guardian, aren't you?Kent going to live with his dad was voluntary on both parties parts, so to speak. I love Kent, but he is no longer welcome to reside in our home, and he

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-36093403901446647052010-07-21T00:03:00.000-05:002010-07-21T00:03:00.587-05:00

For the last 3 1/2 months the Universe has chosen to lump more and more on me at every turn, making functioning a thing I could only dream of. I guess I can't really apologize for being gone because frankly I didn't have it in me to write out what was going on, so there wasn't really a point. Sure I thought about it, and I even sat down to do it a few times, but I never could even type out one

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-57993300195625430202010-07-20T21:05:00.002-05:002010-07-20T21:22:52.586-05:00

As we walked past Kent's room tonight to put Lauryn to bed, she waved at the door and said "Goodnight Kent."The problem with that statement is that his room is now empty of all of his things. He moved out on Saturday, or more like we asked him to leave.After I walked out of her room my tears flowed. I never wanted things to end like this, and a mothers love doesn't just end when her children

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-15574485010117664582010-04-01T11:40:00.006-05:002010-04-01T20:26:45.092-05:00

Wanna have some fun, raise some money for a good cause, and make someone smile? Of course you do. Then join the Hershey's Better Basket Blog Hop and help raise $5000 for Children's Miracle Network.All you have to do is follow these easy rules...HERSHEY’S BETTER BASKET BLOG HOP RULES-Copy and paste these rules to your blog post. Create a blog post giving a virtual Easter Basket to another blogger

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-20039221025734872662010-03-31T19:53:00.001-05:002010-03-31T20:08:00.482-05:00

I know a lot of you don't read much here anymore, and frankly I haven't had much to post. I had a friend in town, Keith was in GA, and I have had a VERY bad night... Hence the 2 glasses of wine I haves already consumed. The visit was great it was nice seeing my friend and her daughter. She taught Lauryn so many phrases wheelie she was here it was hysterical!!! Rex and I decided to bump head., So

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-85122508648806300152010-03-25T13:57:00.006-05:002010-03-25T14:14:27.584-05:00

So this is my new Man... Rex. The vet was out yesterday and said over all he looks good, we just need to get him fattened back up. He got all his shots and a wormer. The vet said that he was really impressed with his personality for an Appaloosa, and an appaloosa stud at that. I am working with the local rehaber, and have him on a great feed schedule, not to mention letting him out to graze

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-82455714532139278382010-03-23T11:38:00.002-05:002010-03-23T11:18:06.056-05:00

Things have been CRAZY around here the last little bit, so I haven't had time to blog. There have been some pretty serious things that have happened, and I had a LONG post about it all that got eaten, but, since I am the only one here with Lauryn for the next ten days it will have to be bullets!!!3/6 - I got a call from ReHab that Kent had been in a fight and had to be taken to get stitches in

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-88391443823521526662010-03-16T21:35:00.003-05:002010-03-16T21:37:51.858-05:00

I LOVE this card,it just screams me!!!Real Post coming soon I swear,New meds are kikcikng my ass!!!

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-57144999397184997612010-03-15T08:28:00.003-05:002010-03-15T08:31:10.745-05:00

Have a great Monday!!!!Post to come later today....

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-30897813911494995702010-03-06T12:50:00.005-05:002010-03-06T12:56:18.793-05:00

I know I do!!!!!! If you help me, you also have a chance to win something. No, I'm not giving something away. Susan over at She's Becoming DoughMessTic is giving away not one but two KitchenAid Mixers.The only thing you have to do to enter is blog, tweet, or facebook the giveaway and then go back and comment only ONCE that you did so (you do have to follow her on twitter or be a facebook fan).If

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-47775360114706033972010-03-04T11:13:00.003-05:002010-03-04T14:59:08.846-05:00

I know that most of you will agree that Anon is out of line, and I am right there with you!! I cannot thank you all enough for your support, as it makes me fell like even though you aren't here with me, you are "virtually" there for me, and it helps to know that I have an "army" of friends out there who get it!! Wishing 4 One asked me in her last comment if I thought this was someone I know IRL

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-38238558903386845782010-03-03T17:58:00.006-05:002010-03-03T19:38:39.760-05:00

The Stalker left this comment to my last post....."seeing as how you know me IRL and all... got me all figured out don't ya??!!" You're proving your retard status. Oh see now that isn't very nice.... not PC either.I never claimed to "know you IRL". Hey light bulb, that was sarcasm... look it up.I could give less of a shit about you. Oh less of a shit huh?? Well that is a good thing seeing as how

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-15313315637459795092010-03-03T11:00:00.002-05:002010-03-03T12:16:04.627-05:00

He He.......I have always wanted me ones of those Haters, and I finally got me one!!! Anon FuckTard from a few posts ago came slumming again. Apparently someone has a real hard on for me... and you know being a woman and all, I LOVE hard on's!!! (even though they can't well you know, knock me up!)Apparently I am now dumb, as this little person uses a proxy to hide their online jackass trolling

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-34825069517453231202010-03-02T14:14:00.003-05:002010-03-02T14:28:52.179-05:00

Hey you! Yes, you and you and you and, especially you! Any of you reading this. You're tagged. After you've gotten to learn more about me than you ever wanted to know, take a turn and play the game. It's fun! Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followed by "ology."FOODOLOGY:What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch, Ceaser, or a tasty Pico De Galo.What is

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-19838667957480122712010-03-01T21:18:00.004-05:002010-03-01T21:43:36.526-05:00

This comment was left on my blog this afternoon, and I am choosing to respond...."You sound strikingly similar to my own parents and my parents always played the "we're doing our best" card when they were the crazy ones. Now people see through their bible thumping facade to the real, um, winners that they are. Maybe just deal with your child instead of pushing him off onto society like he's their

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-38426109111128061692010-02-26T12:53:00.001-05:002010-02-26T14:09:13.408-05:00

I was so freaking ready for yesterday to end that I could have screamed myself stupid when I couldn't get to sleep last night.I did something I knew better then... when I took Turtle to the peds on Wednesday, I had to run into WallyWorld before her appointment. Well it was CD 50 something, so I ran down the isle and grabbed a box... yeah you know the one, with the pregnancy test in it. I mean we

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-4800790443769541392010-02-24T22:58:00.004-05:002010-02-25T00:08:42.100-05:00

You would think that after living with myself and my Bi-Polar brain for so long, I would have some kind of hand hold on keeping my shit together. Ha! Not. So. Much.My brain has been a lot like a compost bin the last few weeks. I have thoughts. I chew them up and over. I tuck them away, cuz I just HAVE to tell my Internets about them! Then I sit staring at that damn courser blinking like it is

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-71003509173532714362010-02-14T23:03:00.009-05:002010-02-15T00:24:13.337-05:00

I can get a Blog Award ......I got this sweet award from Carrie @ A Journey of Hope - Cesta NadějeThe instructions that go along with this award are as follows:1. Thank the person that nominated you for this award.2. Copy the award and place it on your blog.3. Link the person that nominated you for this award.4. Tell us seven interesting things about yourself.5. Nominate seven bloggers.6. Post

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-27403452472176427162010-01-21T10:56:00.003-05:002010-01-21T12:20:37.392-05:00

I have been going over the whole dental issue in my brain, and I had some thoughts so I Googled it, and this is what I found... Infertility Treatment and Oral Health. Take a minute and go read the article then come back.....So, do you see where I am going with this?? I pounded out an e-mail to my RE and got a response back within the hour. Yeah she thinks it is plausible. She told me to get

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-74722339709691854152010-01-19T21:29:00.002-05:002010-01-19T22:39:41.011-05:00

The first one is with the blog... I hope you like the new look, I was bored with the way that it was, and I needed something a little more me. I love this layout, the colors calm me, and it seems to just fit who I am.I left Kent at the Rehab hospital yesterday. It was hard, but honestly not in the way that you are going to assume it was. He needs to be there, he really needs to be there. It

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-74250342588306710482010-01-17T18:28:00.003-05:002010-01-19T17:44:03.419-05:00

By the time that most of you read this the minute of her birth will have passed. 8:28 PM. Two years ago exactly, tonight, 1-17-08, Lauryn (Turtle) was born. After so many years, so many prayers, so much trying, she finally joined us here in this world. This wonderful little miracle saved me. I have cried so many tears since the day we found she was on her way to join us, but they have been tears

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-87361284742314688312010-01-15T22:05:00.002-05:002010-01-19T22:41:53.975-05:00

Gah this week has been a nightmare...I had a dental appointment on Wednesday at which I was informed that I need drastic, drastic dental work... to the tune of 25 grand... yeah I will give you a minute, cuz I needed more then that. They actually gave me 3 estimates, the cheapest being 8 grand, so any way I look at it, I am looking at having to take out a loan for dental work. Or, I can go this

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-664161014724512422010-01-12T22:50:00.004-05:002010-01-19T22:42:27.813-05:00

I cannot express with words how much all of the comments on my last post meant to me. I am so touched that so many people came here just to "Hold my Hand" in such a sad time. I have to confess though that what I didn't tell you was that my Noodle was just one of the fur babies that we had to put to sleep last week. I know that was a little unfair to the rest of them, but I had such a special

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-10081344529858539372010-01-07T22:22:00.009-05:002010-01-19T22:43:04.842-05:00

I am going to take you on a little road trip down memory lane with this post, it could get long, but please bear with me.It was my birthday in 1999, I had no clue what I wanted, and told Keith as much. We were still struggling with our finances as a young married couple, and I really wasn't expecting much.We had spent a lot of our free cash on IUI's, and I had decided to stop that for a few

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-68795436367554138472010-01-05T08:01:00.001-05:002010-01-05T08:03:42.488-05:00

Please email me so that we can talk. BabyDustDreams@aol.com.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-23586743510386565512010-01-04T10:32:00.005-05:002010-01-04T10:57:56.750-05:00

Not in that way... geez get your mind out of the gutter!!! Not that there is anything wrong with being gay!! :o)For a long time I have considered where to take this blog, and I mulled many different possibilities. I finally decided that I am just going to be me, who I am, and let you all know who that is... meaning in pictures. I don't keep much secret here except for names,my face and the faces

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-75703642411902404202010-01-02T23:55:00.001-05:002010-01-02T23:57:23.716-05:00

Just a little for warning that there are some changes a foot. Not bad ones, in fact ones I have thought about for a long time. They will be good I promise!! Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend, I know I am... it is a good day when I can talk the Man into sushi !!Hugs,Rebel

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-36246324482242669812009-12-31T23:26:00.002-05:002009-12-31T23:30:14.446-05:00

Well, what can I say?? I for one will not be sad to see this year go. I wish everyone out there who reads me though a very Happy New Year... may it be a Wonderful one for us all.I honestly hope that those of you on the IF RollerCoaster will have your dreams come true in this new year, as for me, I will just be hoping that things get better in my world!!Hugs to all of you from me!Rebel

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-7596360661663943592009-12-30T23:06:00.000-05:002009-12-31T07:19:54.284-05:00

So, Christmas is over and I survived. We are all sick here except for Clark(ass) so it hasn't been to much of a good weekend/week. I knew when we went to the peds for shots last Tuesday we would bring something home and I was ever so right!! Turtle is coughing like a freak, my throat is raw, I sneeze if I think, and the sinus pressure is freaking unreal!! I shot some saline solution up my right

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-86075464238162627532009-12-23T10:50:00.003-05:002009-12-23T12:46:48.182-05:00

So, the cards went out to all who asked, and to my fellow Braces Bunchers. Clark was dying laughing that I had so many cards going out to people I had never met, but I just told him that sisters in arms is what we all are and to shut up!!I have gotten all of my Xmas shopping done, and actually some for the Turtles B-day next month... Speaking of which, my little girl will be 2 in less then a

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-21938704772594877352009-12-13T23:10:00.005-05:002009-12-15T12:02:33.790-05:00

I don't normally do this, but we made the cutest card this year, and I would LOVE to share it with some of you. Now mind you the card has our pictures and real names on it, so if you get one you will have to keep that little nugget to yourself!!! If anyone really wants you can Email me at BabyDustDreams@aol.com. Don't be scared to ask, because I won't turn anyone away, just remember it will have

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-16289911782641973132009-11-30T09:17:00.002-05:002009-11-30T10:11:46.373-05:00

That it has been a very long time since I update, and as Kibbles commented, she needs her Turtle fix!!Turtle turned 22 months old a few weeks back, and has been more of a joy as of late. She is totally blossoming as a little girl. She is talking more and more, and loves to tell us everything is "Hot, Hot" or "Uh Oh" She has a cold right now, and also has all 4 of her molars coming in so to say

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-62366062765982749832009-10-19T12:41:00.002-05:002009-10-19T13:06:07.507-05:00

It has been a month since I posted about the trifecta, and frankly I have sat here a hundred times to update, but it all felt so wrong... I mean who wants to listen to me bitch every post?? I honestly don't have much to say right now, everything is still the same, with a temper tantrum (on my part, causing the dump to receive an end table, and what was left of our spare phone), a verbal fight or

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-68468288166671464582009-09-20T07:55:00.008-05:002009-09-20T22:30:13.910-05:00

I sat in a really hot tub last night and let my tears fall. I had a very bad day yesterday, and it only seemed to get worse as the day wore on. Clark and I are hardly speaking, and that hurts me a lot, but I can't accept his answer anymore then I could accept the negative Beta's. I know that he thinks he has my best interest at heart, but really all he is doing is breaking mine. I am starting to

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-4209365252335088202009-09-17T20:54:00.005-05:002009-09-17T21:30:38.287-05:00

My cell phone rang today with news that broke my heart in so many ways.The couple that we had chosen to adopt our embryo's found out that due to medical complications she will not be able to pursue pregnancy. My heart broke into a million pieces for her. I cried for her loss. I hurt so deeply for her, even though she assures me she will be fine.Then something happened on the rest of my ride home.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-14592951090840665712009-09-13T08:58:00.004-05:002009-09-13T09:47:24.883-05:00

I will admit that when I first read this comment I was angry, but a little time spent mulling it over prompted me to answer your questions in a polite way so that I will hopefully help you understand the posts I have been writing about my grief.Your first question/comment:But you have a little daughter, right? That's so fantastic and so many ladies are wishing for that. Yes, I have a daughter.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-11874330616448760982009-09-01T22:32:00.004-05:002009-12-27T10:11:58.118-05:00

I thought I might actually be on the mend. Accepting things were going to be what they were, and beginning to move on.Then I stepped in the doors of BabiesRUs, and that mending was replaced with the grief and anger I thought I had come close to tucking away.The Bellies.The newborns.Even with the Turtle in the cart it was just all to much for me, and I had to literally grab what I needed and get

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-18044323346305506002009-08-20T22:14:00.003-05:002009-08-20T22:31:05.351-05:00

I can't seem to find to find myself right now.I have been avoiding so many places, family and friends.It just seems surreal that I have to accept the end when I don't know how to.I thought I had all of this under control. I lied to myself and everyone else when I said I could just walk away from trying without heartbreak. Heartbreak doesn't even begin to describe it actually.The pictures of

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-42640191777837279042009-08-15T20:11:00.002-05:002009-08-15T20:19:55.141-05:00

I sorted the Turtles baby things today. I felt my heart breaking as I held those tiny little outfits in my hands. They will never again be worn by a child of mine.I set a few of my favorite outfits and toys aside for her when she grows up.I am having a yard sale next week to get rid of all things infant.I just can't have them in my face, taunting me with what will never be.I really fucking hate

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-40748802288945113732009-08-06T11:15:00.001-05:002009-08-06T11:18:04.644-05:00

Snap, Krackle and Pop decided not to hang around.Beta NegativeIt is over.No More TTC.We are actually home from the vacation that never happened, and I am working on that post, but for right now I need time.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-45115578459167562642009-07-23T09:28:00.003-05:002009-07-23T20:57:04.122-05:00

So.... Snap, Krackle & Pop made it "home" safe and sound yesterday morning. The whole thing was almost bittersweet know it will be the last time I will see the nurses who work in the retrieval/transfer area. The cell counts were good with an 8 cell, and 2 7 cells. All 3 got assisted hatching done right before they were transferred. Now I just sit back and wait for my Beta on the 5th.Clark has had

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-22354987661308563272009-07-21T14:28:00.004-05:002009-07-21T15:51:09.048-05:00

To say that I intended to not blog for so long would be like stating that I hate to sleep... but in fact I have not done much of either recently. I honestly don't know which is worse at this point! I truly hate that I have been so busy that I cannot find the time to sit and write here, this is my space, the one I come to when I need stress relief, and to just plain bitch about things. To be

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-75502626938239956272009-07-08T05:14:00.000-05:002009-07-08T08:00:32.455-05:00

As a child I tried to be independent, happy and carefree. My parents were unhappy with each other and not such great parents, which tends to happen when you get pregnant at sixteen and were forced to marry! They are both better off married to the people they have now!! To be honest that start, and things that happened to me through my childhood, good and bad, have shaped the person that I am

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-70864629996710508072009-07-01T20:47:00.003-05:002009-07-01T21:25:06.619-05:00

Let the FET begin!!!To tell you the truth the whole thing seems rather anticlimactic. No U/S, no visit to the clinic, no blood work, just a phone call with the IVF nurse. I had to laugh when I called her on Tuesday morning to tell her that I had been visited by the Red Tide, because I still had one Provera pill to take. She had scheduled her to visit this coming Saturday or Sunday... don't they

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-31004236680812547652009-06-22T08:31:00.004-05:002009-06-22T09:13:26.053-05:00

I can't seem to find the time or the energy to update these days. The summer has gotten started here, and the vacation reservations have been made. Most of my days are spent thinking to the future and what it may or may not hold, not to mention dealing with a very independent yet needy toddler. I am going to do this bullet style since there are a few updates that I need to give you. Here goes....

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-55191892695919826772009-06-11T09:06:00.001-05:002009-06-11T20:15:16.696-05:00

When I started this blog almost 4 & 1/2 years ago, I never thought I would be in the place that I am today. I went back and read all of my posts today, and learned a few things about myself. I am the same person that I was back then, only better. I say better because back then I didn't know how to feel my pain. Sure I put it out there for everyone to read, but I never really felt it. I

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-21083281316935601612009-06-04T22:14:00.002-05:002009-06-04T22:33:13.155-05:00

As I typed that my heart skipped a beat.I have been married to the man of my dreams for 15 years. It is hard to believe that because it feels just like yesterday.My mother asked me if it has been worth it, and I told her yes, nothing else has ever felt so right to me in my whole life.The man I share my life with is the most amazing person, and I am so happy that I found him. He completes every

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-23267692459157113372009-05-30T11:51:00.003-05:002009-05-30T13:05:15.635-05:00

by my Uterus and Ovaries!The Hush Hush reference in my last post was about us doing an FET.After many hours of discussions, begging, crying, and talking it out, Clark and I finally decided that we would do this one FET, transferring the best 3, and then the rest of our Totcicles will be placed for adoption.We came to a final decision just 2 days before I was to finish the active pills in my BCP

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-69654298173288446602009-05-27T08:19:00.002-05:002009-05-27T09:52:02.414-05:00

Unfortunately those are not my winning lotto numbers, those are how many weeks along I would be had any of the last 3 IVF's worked. I know it is a tad morbid to even know them, but I do. I write them in my day planner at the beginning of every month as a reminder of what could have been. I hold on to the past a lot as you can tell. I have struggled a lot in the last week with the fact that I

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-29402786112471920932009-05-20T20:58:00.003-05:002009-05-20T21:38:53.201-05:00

Well, I want to first thank all of you again for the well wishes and prayers. We had the appointment this morning, and saying that I am happy with what we were told would be a lie.It was a very noncommittal affair, and frankly I wish we hadn't gone. I am so pissed at this doctor right now that I could have slapped her and her nurse by the time I left. Her determination is that Kent MAY have a

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-36326725781425184252009-05-18T22:17:00.002-05:002009-05-18T22:19:51.872-05:00

We have an appointment on Wednesday morning to see the Urologist for testing.Thanks so very much to everyone who left comments and emailed me, I will let you know what I find out as soon as I can.Wish us luck.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-40386527919294991592009-05-15T22:05:00.002-05:002009-05-15T22:14:23.152-05:00

For Kent..... We went to the Nepherologist today for a check up, and as she was looking him over she noticed that his testicles were very swollen. When she palpated them, she felt two masses that are not supposed to be there. She called his Urologist right away, and they are working on scheduling an MRI and an ultrasound for next week. With his cancer history, this could be very bad for him.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-15001530889488531822009-05-13T12:08:00.004-05:002009-05-13T12:26:04.218-05:00

So, we got an email back from the RE, and talked about things... it was looking like a FET #1 was a go until this morning when I got the email from the business office... needless to say, the price is not what I had expected, much, much higher actually. It has really put a hold on things... probably permanatly.I still owe them for my last 2 IVF cycle's, over 5 grand.I don't know where to go from

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-66610542610873094242009-05-11T19:58:00.000-05:002009-05-11T21:05:49.399-05:00

Sorry to have left you all out in the cold for so long. I needed to recoup and things have been busy here. I went back to work on the 23rd of April, and even though the actual hours aren't that long, the drive is almost an hour each way. It makes the day go by so fast, but makes it long just the same. Turtle has been doing just great at the babysitters, and actually seems to enjoy going most days

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-82813863465865962982009-05-01T19:46:00.002-05:002009-05-01T20:27:21.363-05:00

For the first time in a long time I have been really analyzing my soul. The true core of me, all that lies within. I have found that I am not as sure about myself as I thought I was. With the ending of this last cycle I was devastated beyond belief, and I fell apart. I am still struggling with a few issues, that I think will stay with me for a long time. I really wanted this cycle to work on

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-91702431315053972042009-04-29T20:30:00.003-05:002009-04-29T20:43:41.564-05:00

I am really trying to do this thing.. you know living. Moving on.I am having a very hard time though.Not sure if I can do it.Everyday I cry.Everyday I get deeper into my nothingness.One week after Beta, the end of Hope, and I find myself slipping into a deep depression.So many around me are getting the one thing I begged for, and I can't find it in my heart to even begin to be happy for them.I

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-40788867660991140302009-04-26T13:13:00.002-05:002009-04-26T13:38:23.494-05:00

Thursday was a shitty day in more ways then one for me. As I was sitting in the lab waiting to get my Beta, my cell rang. I didn't recognize the number but I answered it anyway. A man answered and said his name. Then his last name, and all at once I knew why he was calling and my heart sank. Tears fell, and I begged him not to tell me what I knew in my heart was true. My friend was gone. She had

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-23595229424276430902009-04-23T17:17:00.001-05:002009-12-27T09:46:22.505-05:00

I have read other bloggers posts about the end of treatments without success, and I honestly never thought I was going to be writing one of my own. Oh sure you say I am successful, I have the Turtle, but that to me is not total success, because I didn't reach my ultimate goal. I never thought that my journey would end this way, just as I am sure the others who came to this point didn't either. It

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-12218273544621809522009-04-22T12:31:00.002-05:002009-04-22T12:35:33.407-05:00

Still stark white glaring back at me. I have no wit right now. Beta in the morning. I will wait for the phone call that will come while I am at work, to break my heart forever, tomorrow afternoon.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-56732752282213354852009-04-20T08:30:00.004-05:002009-04-20T08:52:53.920-05:00

I tested this morning and it was negative. There could still be some hope, but I am not counting on it. I will keep testing til Beta on Thursday, but honestly I am not expecting anything to change. I am completely at a loss for words or anything right now.I have been in a very bad place since the night before transfer, and I am finally able to come clean about why. A few years ago my MIL did

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-50131056484915843832009-04-18T13:59:00.004-05:002009-04-18T14:19:24.030-05:00

I know I have been out of touch for a few days, this house seems to have decided that it is going to fall apart. Turtle seems to have become insanely needy. Not wanting anyone but me. When Clark comes home she is still very clingy with me, literally still hanging on to my pant legs. This ends up totally frustrating me after 10 hours, and I cannot get any housework done at all. She wants to be

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-68778583270770494602009-04-11T16:02:00.003-05:002009-04-11T16:12:10.657-05:00

Say Hello to the perfect 8 cell grade 1 embryo's that came home to the Ute this morning!! They were stellar as the RE put it!!The final report this AM was:3- 8 cell grade 11- 8 cell grade 21- 7 cell grade 21- 6 cell grade 31- 4 cell grade 3Go me!!!!! We put back the top 2 8 cells with Assisted Hatching, and froze the other 2 8 cells, the 7 cell, and the 6 cell. We agreed that the 4 cell was not

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-63953101647933845872009-04-10T11:11:00.002-05:002009-04-10T11:13:24.806-05:00

The 10 that they matured all stopped growing by yesterday afternoon.... :o(The original 7 are still going strong.Transfer @ 7:00 AM tomorrow.Pray for us that there are enough to transfer, Please.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-83054474952523174622009-04-09T08:37:00.003-05:002009-04-09T09:33:31.000-05:00

OK, things are looking good... Got the call @ 9:30 this AM24 Retrieved7 mature @ retrieval, ICSI'd and developing right on track12 immature, but matured in the afternoon12 ICSI'd2 Fertilized abnormally and were discarded10 Still developing from that group.All in all we have 17 embryo's growing.All I can say is WOW. I guess the switch up in meds, the DHEA, and the CoQ-10 did the trick!!! I am

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-59569394462682768212009-04-08T19:48:00.002-05:002009-04-08T19:56:18.430-05:00

24 eggs.It was a long day.More tommorow.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-59715703012646107342009-04-06T20:22:00.004-05:002009-04-06T20:50:05.163-05:00

Gah, my life feels like it is spinning out of control. I am so glad that I get to trigger tonight. Today's U/S showed many follies around 20mm and E2 was only 3300, so we got the green light for ER on Wednesday morning!!! I have to go back in tomorrow morning to get blood work and another U/S just to make sure that all is still OK.... I have to admit with this cycle my ovaries haven't even

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-44637913075939867582009-04-04T10:37:00.002-05:002009-04-04T11:09:36.601-05:00

Ahhh so this new protocol seems to be working really well. My E2 was only at 1100 today!! I had some good sized follies, the biggest being a 17, so they really took off the last 2 days. Right now the plan is to do the ER on Wendsday, with transfer being on Saturday. So, here is to hoping that Passover means that I won't get Passed Over again.I put a little sidebar up for those of you who

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-34117017193926967952009-04-03T07:17:00.001-05:002009-04-03T17:41:34.214-05:00

Well, things went downhill first thing in the morning... Baby sitter called just as I was getting the Turtle dressed, her son was sick. So, I had to meet Clark at our PCP's office, where he was getting blood work done, and he followed me to the Clinic. We were there @ 8:30, got seen at 9:45. Sat in the playroom all that time just staring at he walls.No info on follies or lining in the 5.5

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-28189403634090995312009-04-01T10:19:00.003-05:002009-04-01T20:54:44.064-05:00

Ok, there was a picture here, but my Stupid self didn't look to see that my name was clearly visible on the prescription's.... so I had to take it off. SorryI wanted to post this a few days ago, but I couldn't get it to load right. So these are the meds that I have been on for this cycle. There are actually some missing as there were supposed to be 8 total of the blue/green boxes in the back row

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-53825710897316822982009-03-29T08:45:00.000-05:002009-03-29T08:22:54.852-05:00

Reality has hit me. This is it. The chance at having another baby is here and now, never again after this... well unless of course I get REALLY HOLY and God lets me have an immaculate conception.... but since I don't see that one happening then this is the one. The final turn in the race. The finish line is in sight.I am scared senseless.I have been thinking back on the last 14 months of Turtle's

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-35712206493432891262009-03-26T21:45:00.002-05:002009-03-26T22:00:16.293-05:00

Started monitoring this morning.Authorization came through this afternoon.The lab lost Clark's HIV test, so he has to do it again.I have to go get my meds tomorrow, but I had Foll*stim left from our last cycle, so I have 200 units on board tonight.Things were tense and frosty at the clinic today. I am sure that the situation from Tuesday got a few words exchanged, but I don't really care.A very

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-21857424245993940862009-03-25T19:03:00.002-05:002009-03-25T19:18:04.442-05:00

So, you hail from Slough, in the UK, and you were here and left your anon comment on my blog at 12:12:25 EST.I have to tell you that you are a total jerk off, and if you post another site on my blog anywhere I will make your life miserable. How dare you come here post a site like that, and expect to not get your ass handed to you?? What the hell gives you the right to think that any of that

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-38712123888726744752009-03-24T19:54:00.002-05:002009-03-24T21:05:17.866-05:00

I had this great post all planned out in my head when I walked out the door this morning, but by 2 PM it had been shot right to hell.I was going to tell you all about how I feel about this upcoming cycle, and post a pic of all the drugs I got from the pharmacy for said cycle. I can't do either right now because I am still so pissed off that I want to strangle someone.Turtle and I had lunch today

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-82783786717363864742009-03-17T19:27:00.002-05:002009-03-17T19:44:58.787-05:00

I mean really, I have nothing.I am so sleep deprived, I can hardly remember my name.The Turtle and I ended up sleeping on the couch last night because she refused to sleep in her crib. She thought it was hysterical and laughed at the snoring dogs for almost 20 minutes.... I was NOT amused. She has been the temper tantrum queen the last few days to. I thought the "Terrible Two's" were supposed

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-15740175458068228442009-03-11T20:01:00.002-05:002009-03-11T20:27:58.559-05:00

Turtle has decided that it is very important for her to be up several times every night for the last week. She cannot be consoled into just going right back to sleep, or by just letting her talk to herself. She starts screaming in a few minutes if you don't go in to see her, and she is WIDE awake when I do. Last night I went right in and made her a bottle... that did the trick for a few hours,

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-77088289742548868532009-03-05T23:06:00.003-05:002009-03-05T23:21:30.368-05:00

I have left the OctoMom alone here, but today I heard one of the most insulting comments by far!!Let me set the scene... I live in RURAL NC, I am talking like 200 people in our "town" and they are stretched out over MILES of farmland. We have a little store in said "town" and I had to make a stop there today for a friend. I know the owners, and they know us, very well. Now of course since I am

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-78066270240617218562009-03-04T21:40:00.004-05:002009-03-04T22:27:56.339-05:00

Somehow I missed that Sunday was March 1st and February is gone. Time seems to be speeding up no matter how I try to keep it at a slow and steady pace.Poor Turtle is still not back to herself just yet. I have been having to get up at least twice a night to comfort her. She started really, really walking this past Friday, so I think she wants to get up in the middle of the night and walk around,

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-7202218058699585372009-03-01T21:24:00.004-05:002009-03-01T21:30:38.068-05:00

I have been out of town for a funeral.Clark and I lost a very special man in our lives this past week.Turtle didn't travel well, and I am going to need a day or so to recover.I am going to further address Anonymous when I return, but I just wanted to let you all know that we are ok physically.It is my heart that is in shambles.

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-15215308592400450082009-02-25T11:45:00.003-05:002009-02-25T15:39:02.788-05:00

When I got your first comment last night, it was late and I was inclined to let it sit until this morning, but I opened the email, and didn't know how to feel upon first reading it. I hit anger, and sadness, hell I went through the whole gamut of emotions. The one that sticks with me though is sadness, for you actually. I cannot imagine that you would forgo parenthood at the slight risk that an

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-35861501797314781752009-02-24T10:36:00.003-05:002009-02-24T11:30:57.674-05:00

I wanted to stop in and let you all know that I am still "here". I saw my Psych on Thursday and we switched meds. I am feeling a little better everyday, and that is very important to me.I had my follow up with Dr. OvaryWhisperer on the 20th, and was surprised with the results.I guess that my ovaries are so completely confused that they are giving eggs that really should be coming from a 14 year

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-33246873096388684862009-02-19T09:51:00.003-05:002009-02-19T10:16:54.023-05:00

Things here in the Infertile House are changing.Not for the good either.Clark and Kent got into a HUGE fight last night. It is Kent and his disrespect of Clark since he has begun having contact with his Birth Father that is at the root of this. He has been very hateful and even taken to name calling. Last night at the dinner table Clark had, had enough, and things erupted.Of course this also

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-44839571140270229522009-02-15T14:27:00.003-05:002009-02-15T21:42:53.693-05:00

I got roaring drunk Friday night. I pleaded my case.Tears and all.It isn't working.At the same time it is making me wonder just what my motivator is in all this.I have what I set out for in the beginning.Turtle.When I said a post ago that I have fear, it really is more then that, I am terrified what will happen to me mentally if we cycle again and it fails. I am not so sure that I could take

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-8620932348263720182009-02-13T10:09:00.003-05:002009-02-13T12:23:59.191-05:00

Two years ago tomorrow, I was in a very similar place as I am this very day.Failed Cycle.Trying to figure out what comes next.Clark and I started talking again last night. He is worried about several things:Prozac doesn't seem to be controlling my Bi-Polar, and he is very concerned about my severe mood swings. I get it, and I tried to explain to him that it doesn't help that my body isn't used

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37443842.post-50314256945206051252009-02-12T11:33:00.007-05:002009-02-12T12:43:38.802-05:00

Kristen gave me this award on her blog today. I am guessing it is because I made lemonade out of lemons this week what with the tax issue. Hell, I am just glad that I got it taken care of, it has been a weight off my shoulders the last 36 hours. I literally refuse to let people push me around anymore, and I will do what it takes to keep my family safe. I don't care who thinks they are right, I

(Erica) Rebel With.A.Causehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17454291899280028369noreply@blogger.com3